Rasp
Shudder
Red blossom
Fades black
Green
Salt
Heat
Breathe held
Nerve fires
Languid
Words
Promises
Trust builds
Secrets kept
Hope
hope
Connected unconnected
When we reduce other people to sensation
to what makes us feel good
we reduce our own humanity
We may be just puzzle pieces
lost and alone
looking for where we fit
but that’s no reason
to slip in-to, hedonistic glut
This is not a rant against pleasure but rather one against taking
we’ve been fucking so long we forgot about love making
About elevating
I’m not saying that pure pleasure in the moment is wrong but most days it does not feel right
It’s empty
And when we become empty for so long we look for anything to fill us
to make us feel accepted
Because we have forgotten what being loved felt like
Act in the service of love and painful as the mounting losses may be
you’ll always be free
of regret at least
There may not be a heaven
but there is surely a hell
because we create it here in our ongoing search for a pleasure that fills us
Our minds should be our faiths
we’re always looking for a way out when we should be following the path in
We take what we want
but taking makes wanting
until we fill ourselves with Prada and prizes
flush with money we chase the one dragon we know we can catch and that feeling fills us up for a time
but it’s still there that ache to be full on waking
that second time is never as real as the first
we become trapped in a hell of our making.
Sex, drugs, and loneliness
dragging down our dreamers all looking for connection but afraid to commit to connect.
We’re above such things
we can disconnect sex from love
free from all rules
but rules are not restriction.
Rules are the freedom to know where the lines are
so you know what you are doing when you cross them
Then it’s three AM and who is this next to me
were they wanting connection or just a slim moment of shared addiction.
Am I the stranger for wanting breakfast?
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Would that it was this easy
Reach through the world
lift you in my arms and sing
find your lips with mine and speak secrets and truths in pressure and abandon
hold close and speak of pasts and futures
existing in a eternal moment where I never let you go
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Insomniac drag
Sleep eludes me in my bed
As thoughts swim in the rarified air
Of what might yet be
But heart reminds
She sleeps curled up
safe
Deep within us
And though we wake
And are alone
hope and desire bloom anew
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Silly heart: revisited
The reality is I’m starting to fall for you. I get butterflies when I see that you liked something and when you comment it makes me feel, about what I posted, validated. It’s not a game. It’s what I feel and I don’t want to play games with you regarding my feelings. What I am is afraid. Not just afraid that if I say something, it will be revealed that I’m reading far too much into things. But also that I may lose someone who genuinely likes my work, because I’ve made you feel uncomfortable.
You asking if it was a game was like a kick to the stomach. It’s not a game. I would never knowingly play with someone’s emotions like that. It’s a action dictated by fear. I only didn’t realize that until something was said. Now that I know I must face it. As I feel I have by publishing a response. Tell me whatever you wish. I wait.
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Each grain falls alone
Broken up and broken
Shattered up and shooken
Beaten and battered
You’re all that had mattered
Dreams are forever
But in reality it’s never
Reap and repeat
I wish it were more upbeat
But it’s all just ruthless
All my efforts are fruitless
These aren’t games that I play
But emotions run deep
For all that I say
I am here for keeps
Need a word in my ear
Something to tell me to stay
To make me take that leap
To fight all that is fear
And wait.
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Finite infinite
Afraid to speak, afraid to not speak
Just a step away from joy
Just a step away from despair
Existing halfway between heaven and hell
Reaching out to truth
Stretching to the infinite
But infinity is not you
And you
Are all that I want
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Down the well
Dreams are failing, faltering, falling away
They’re all leaving, finding new dreams and leaving me behind. I’m the starter friend, the starter lover, the too small house remembered but alone. If hope abandons me as well, perhaps it’s time to go.
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Closets aren’t only for sexuality
If you are in pain
If you are hurting
You have within you the ability to make a choice
To break free and stand apart
To choose those who support your dreams
Who see your desires as beautiful
It is the hardest thing in the world to choose to be open, to choose to be free
This is the choice that defines our character
There are all kinds of secrets
Of things we hide from others, from ourselves
Assess the situation and decide, for your sanity, for your happiness, for your safety
Decide to step free from social constraints
Decide to be free
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Dream
I dreamed that I was at PAX. It was the final round of the Omegathon and me and my friends were up front watching. And we were talking about something or other when I get some information that this person, this woman that holds my interest and has for months, this amazing person who I would do nearly anything for might need help.. I find myself describing why I need to get to her. How she’s so important, that even though we are only talking and never met in person, she means the world to me. I say that I am going to her even though I don’t have the means, since I’m on vacation, at the end of it. I take off and get on the train, there are all these people I’ve known there and when I tell them that I’m going to go get this woman, who I then realize I love. My friend comes up and says that some of the Movers and Shakers at PAX heard me since we were so close to the stage and the they provided plane tickets and other things like a place to stay. Everyone is so happy for me except my parents. They hate the idea, they try to keep me from her and I call them out on the evil shit they’ve started to believe. We have a giant fight in full view of strangers and friends. They shun me, disown me. But it doesn’t matter. Only she matters. My friends offer me places to stay, give me support, all to help me get to her. I get on another train. I’m going to her. My heart happy and full. I don’t know what the future holds, but if she’s in it, I’ll be happy.
I’m not going to rescue her, the feeling is that we are rescuing each other. Or she is rescuing me.
Pelgris 