Month: July 2017

Top 3 things I will fuck up in a relationship

Pelgris8 Comments

1. I’ll call it a relationship way before anyone considers it to be a relationship.
Then I’ll have to explain that I see all social interactions that are ongoing as relationships and then I’ll seem like a overthinking weirdo.

2. I will fall in love fairly quickly. And people will say that you barely know me, and I’ll say that’s true but I trust my Intuition and it says that there is something here. Love expands to fill the available space. It is not a finite thing to me. I’m not saying one true love or perfection or anything. I’m saying that I like, respect, enjoy your thoughts and mind and I feel something in you that calls to me. Again, weirdo.

3. I will fail to initiate physical intimacy, including as little as kissing until you are thinking Finally. Because I will not act without consent and I am steadfast in my rules(which I suppose is number 4). I don’t do the when the moment is right. I depend on my partner/date to tell me, Yes Now. Of course, I’m a passionate man so that may later seem to be a mistake. As in, I’ll want to kiss and touch and hold and hug all of the time, plus more intimate things as we progress. And believe me, I have no regard for public space. So PDA is very much on the market.

There are a bunch more but those are the ones that span across my experience.

Tick, tick, tick

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I have nothing to give but everything that I am. Unfortunately, it never seems to be enough. Is it something I lack or was there something in you that could not be fulfilled. Or am I waiting for you to say, “I’m ready now.” And, fool that I am, I wait while you seek joy in the heart of another. Or I wait until circumstances are better. Or I wait until you realize what you need and it isn’t me. Or I wait while time drifts you away.

Take a step to me. Don’t say but or maybe. Don’t wait, times is passing, regret is for the things that you fail to face not for love. I know. It’s painful to hope. I know. I’ll try not to fail you.

Razor thin

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Give me a moment to catch my breath
I’m lost in this minute without
The air tastes of mint and menthol
I can’t tell the difference between
Moving on and moving back
I can’t decide
Can’t find a choice
When without
I’m lost in this perpetual glow of hope

Does it matter?
I was never hurt by waiting
Just pushing away
Trained to accept your word
I falter in holding on
Because you say
I’ll leave and I say stay
I suppose it was always too late

Super power? 

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I have many geek friends and I get asked the question, “If you could have a super power what would it be?” 

I usually say teleportation, because who wouldn’t want to be able to just go anywhere whenever. But, I was thinking and I think I want this one more, it’s nontraditional but then, so am I. 

I think I want to be able to see an aura around the people who are interested in being with me. Obviously, there would be fluctuations but when I reveal things that matter and you no longer are interested, at least then I’d know. And I’d be able to ask out people without first telling myself that they are going to say no, so in asking, you will have lost nothing. The calculus of being single.

Diary of a lodestone

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I cannot break, so I’ll build
A home that’s shattered is no shelter
I find my scattered pieces on the road
And in your gaze know healing

What breaks is not mended
In facsimile of perfection
But instead
Is mended
By experience, by choice upended

Where hope instead you fended
And woke
Amidst this splendid
A voice that I’ll not leave
Unmended

Tremulous notes

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There is a world of white and black. Sides of a coin hung in opposition but between the infinite sliver of what was and what will be. In this deepening gray I dwell, a voice raised in song.

Hold me in the heat of a dawning. The sun dances fresh across my lips tasting of your heart. The thought of your flesh yielding to my fierce touch. My voice rises in song. A song of seeking, of finding its lost way to you.