In the mind there is little but consternation
Looking for that connotation
Knowing that connection
Lays somewhere between correction and creation
Just a few more steps to compilation
Stepping out to combustion
Need that soft eyed capitulation
Pull me under the cavitation
Don’t give in to convention
Give me a taste of your confection
I’ll be your perfect corruption
need
Floating in the too wide ocean
End of day
Tired and aching
Arm radiates pain
Slow down
Molten glass
Past progress
Ideas from the times before
Playlist? Or poetry
Whichever costs the lesser
Each word pulled out
Leaving exhaustion to funnel echos
Too loud
Too quiet
Sleep weighs heavy
Uncomfortable but fading in the dubious comfort of the office
Bed calls out
But people there
Too loud, too much
And wanting aches just fading
Into frantic dream
Lost in these moments
Without
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Sip whiskey with me, I’ll show you worlds
I’m one part shattered heart, one part battered soul
Three parts protective, two parts sexy times.
I’m a clock wound so tightly for so long that I’ll never quite spring back. A timepiece built of hours devoted to love but in the silent lonely, to tears.
I’m a disciple of science and a priest of storm. I see no reason to deny gods; just to fight them. I believe in the philosophy of the human spirit and am woefully disappointed in its apparent lack. I know what it is to live without wanted human touch and what it is to drown in its addiction. I am always uncertain how my dreams and love will be received. So I will second guess and apologize, leaving you wondering if I really had done something wrong. When I love, it’s forever. And while that seems romantic, there are places in me reserved for loves which will never be. Places filled with longing and pain and almost and maybe. I am tears shed without regard to propriety or place. I feel and I will not apologize. If that makes you think less of me then I no longer require or respect your opinion. I am strength in weakness, bravery in fear, and hope without cause. But I am also unexpected fragility and hide myself in talk of blood. No one looks too deeply when they can’t be sure of the answer. I am wishes unfulfilled and wishes granted. But some wishes can never be. No matter how much you need them.
I am soft opinion and persuasive thought. And secrets never to be told, and secrets yearning to be believed. I feel old and look young. Stress makes me sexual, it doesn’t cause wrinkles. Silve hairs since I was twenty but deep brown for all that. If I were rich I’d be less wealthy because taking care of my people is my priority. I’d help them build lives of joy if I had the means. I am a shout made for joy. Of love. Of ownership. Of mine. But respectful of consent, I remain silent. I am pleasure made pain and pain made pleasure. I am two divergent and equally held beliefs.
I am
I am
I am
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Split bell resonance
Nothings wrong
Nothings wrong
Nothings wrong
Nothings wrong
….
Except I’m tired
Nothings wrong
Except I teared up for no reason other than imagining someone holding me and telling me that everything would be okay
Never mind that I don’t know what everything is
Nothings wrong
But my words come slowly if at all
What was a torrent is now leached slowly to the surface
Barely a trickle
Barely a mouthful
Nothings wrong
Except the distance and the daily
Nothings wrong
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Slow to wake when nightmares replace dreams
I wake slowly. Knowing that the extra twenty minutes I snooze my alarm to won’t matter. But I still do it. I pet the cat by my side. She rolls over my hand and goes back to sleep. I long to join her. But that extra 20 minutes was a dream. A hope which fades with every passing second. I have to get up.
It’s not a particularly hard job. Nor a harsh work environment. I’m just tired. So fucking tired of too short weekends and work weeks which drag away hours from those weekends.
It’s what fuels discontent. What makes every day a little worse. The accumulation of hours without end. Without purpose. Without hope of change.
As the day wears on, I am reminded of good things. Of love. Of hope. Of kissable lips. Of the dream of the brighter world. The sadness lingers like hot breathe against soft skin.
Quench my thirst on love. On desire. On dreams of far places, where I am becomes we. And what was becomes joy.
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Soft breathe which catches on waking
We are bent flower promises
Our light touches over skin
Hands soft but ridged in callouses
A legacy of past actions written in scar and stretch
Wrinkle and aches in joints
Broken bones which
Now healed still click
For all of this
Is our passion less for being out of focus
Beyond the lens of society
Or instead
Is passion which knows itself
The more powerful
We who survive and still find each other despite the wounds of the past
Still open ourselves
Vulnerable and exposed
Is our love less
For having been born from a distant song
Or instead
Is it strength to find a heart that’s bright and desirous
And in the knowing
We find beauty
And flame
And the circling of fingertips against skin
The brushing of lips against neck
The soft smile and the lascivious grin
And a hope
Born in the taste of her
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Wondering if only clashes against hearts plans
Simple aches in times ticking by
Heat without the flop sweat of humid air
Bone deep aches soothe away
Puzzle pieces trying to fit
Yearning for a trial run
For a chance to be happy
Shackled existence
Tethered to place
Instead of each other
Place becomes a clinging lover
Enticements
Inducements to stay
Wishing for the better life
Better infrastructure
Support for all you are and need
So that one day
You will rest steady
Deep in my embrace
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The soft eternal lies of dreams, aching
I have this dream. Again and again. Where we are entwined naked. We are looking into each other’s eyes and you reach your hand between us and take my cock in your hand. I feel myself harden and grow with your simple touch. You guide my cock slowly into your soft wetness. Slowly, I disappear agonizing and slow. I feel you around me. I dip my head down and press my lips to yours. The touch wakes our need and we devour each other. Tongues sliding over and tasting each other. We exist in these slow agonizing moments of pleasure. My heart, my love, my girl. Until I wake, warm bed. Lost and alone. There is only memories and hopes. Adrift in the world. Looking for that perfect moment of connection. When we are fierce and unafraid. When our only thought is each other. When we belong in the moment. To each other.
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She who wakes my darkness will dwell forever in the light
Slip into desire
A breaking wave
A falling drop
Life disappears from the margins
Clawing into dreams
Holding onto purchase
That what may be in dreams may hold on
Long enough to be real
Conscious mind
Knows roads closed
Paths overgrown
Still a heart says maybe
Igniting kindling
Fires of need break
All thought but….
All thought fled
Replaced by maybe
Maybe and please
Your hand in mine
Never to part
A foolish dream that can’t help but live
Knowing the contours of a heart
Hands Pressing into the maze of you
Broken mirror hopes
Each reflection another chance to lose you
Each chance I’d take
For those few whiles you are mine before the end
Our jagged
Our broken
Complimentary pieces
Fitted together too late
My heart waits eternal
Saying someday
Saying wake beside me
In my arms
Safe
All hope lost
I know, I know
I fail, I fail
There is no thought that doesn’t contain you
My heart so foolish
To love and love and love
And never
Ever
Forget
That thin glass shard
Saying yes, yes this time
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Wakes the beast
Sounding like someone crazed
Who wants every inch and moment with you
Love running perpendicular to madness
Causal lines stretching back and forth
Feeling insane with need of you
Your touch and smile soothing the waking beast within
Never further from the surface
In his den
He waits
Impatiently clawing the walls
Yowling battle cries to your pains
Purring out possession
Pin you down
Harsh growl
“Mine”
Pelgris 