Specific rules

I follow a particular ruleset that both broadly and specifically defines my actions. I’ve mentioned this before so I won’t get into the basics here, you can view them by searching this tag “rules” on the blog. I want to speak to a rule that dictates my behavior at the end of or the ending of a relationship. It is this; I don’t walk away. If I am not betrayed, I don’t walk away. So if whomever I’m with ghosts out, it leaves me in a quandry. I can neither walk away or talk with them about the relationship. It gets worse if I’ve actually stated that I will not walk away from them. In that case I am bound by my word to maintain the garden, as it were, awaiting their return. So there is no closure, and I still hope (because I’m a fool) but ultimately they are not coming back. But I still wait. And I wait until I’m in a relationship with someone else, at which point I must break off lest I betray my new paramour. It’s complicated but it’s what I’m thinking about.

My Miss

I would rather be near you than be far
To be inside you, exploring the world
To feel you around me, to press fingers and tongue
I need to be inside, to share as much space as possible
to feel your heat, for you to feel mine
this need, this desire, to mark you as mine
to demonstrate to the world that you are free
This physical expression is just that
if it is not to be
then I know my thoughts will be curled in your mind
teasing you with the possibility of this life
That there is someone who wants you in ways you can only imagine
who needs you in ways you’ve never dreamed possible
who would delight in your freedom to persue your desires
and help you reach as far as you need to.


I dreamed that I was at PAX. It was the final round of the Omegathon and me and my friends were up front watching. And we were talking about something or other when I get some information that this person, this woman that holds my interest and has for months, this amazing person who I would do nearly anything for might need help.. I find myself describing why I need to get to her. How she’s so important, that even though we are only talking and never met in person, she means the world to me. I say that I am going to her even though I don’t have the means, since I’m on vacation, at the end of it. I take off and get on the train, there are all these people I’ve known there and when I tell them that I’m going to go get this woman, who I then realize I love. My friend comes up and says that some of the Movers and Shakers at PAX heard me since we were so close to the stage and the they provided plane tickets and other things like a place to stay. Everyone is so happy for me except my parents. They hate the idea, they try to keep me from her and I call them out on the evil shit they’ve started to believe. We have a giant fight in full view of strangers and friends. They shun me, disown me. But it doesn’t matter. Only she matters. My friends offer me places to stay, give me support, all to help me get to her. I get on another train. I’m going to her. My heart happy and full. I don’t know what the future holds, but if she’s in it, I’ll be happy.

I’m not going to rescue her, the feeling is that we are rescuing each other. Or she is rescuing me.

Taunt of Morpheus – miss

Bare metal against skin
Sharp indentation as chain bites into hands
The soft cold feel, silk across eyes
The feel of fingers, moving in slow circles
The flat of a blade, following the same path
Hand settling in, the feel of thumb against throat
The pressure, hinting but never quite cutting off breathe
A line of fire, the wet meets cold air
The slow press of him
His weight pinning
Slowly entering the place of rightful worship
Blaze of heat throbbing inside
Teeth scraping and biting
Grinding in, marking her as owned

This lingering taste of her
Slides away as he slips free from sleeps shackles


The soft gentle press of your lips
The touch of your hands
My hands through your hair
The gentle curve of your neck and say hi
There are days of ice
Only the slow sight trapped
Warmth melting
But nothing but sorrow is freed
Hold on
Touch with you and your gone through the past Into a new sun

Was wondering how you can be achieved, but I want you as one cast of my heart
that you can and indeed should be able to say all
I am consumed by you
consumed by the need of you
spill into me
know what you meant to be
maybe we can