hearts blood brewed black 

Should I write of terrible emptiness or speak of a future so uncertain no pathway is clear?

Is the act of writing catharsis or catalyst?

Form sentences
in service to the sacred
or am I a blasphemy,
unworthy of your consideration?

Embrace emotion and be bruised by cold shoulders,
words spoken softly
become daggers when syllables drop dispassionately

Fake dreams,
distraction from a life fraught with dirt standard ennui

Or passionate pleading prayers
to an uncaring universe
that this time will be different

Burn it all in pleasures and pains
that only leave me emptied
or fill me up with poison
fermented on the vine

Drunk on sharp edges and missed schedules

Easier to say
it’s too hard and walk away
than to embrace misfortune and ill timing

No right time for love,
no perfect step, no lull in life

Just now, now is all we have
Plan a future
but start today
or watch all plans disappear
as flash paper memories

You can’t push me away hard enough
once I’ve decided to stay,
but you can walk away

This desolate desert of ablated could have beens
A wanderer
Alone
looking for water

Shallow rising of a setting sun

Give me a taste of these things that I waste
Burn me up
Beyond recognition
Can’t find ruptures
Once the skin’s broken in

Last rapturous voice
Calling me from the grave
But I can’t settle
You woke me up
But test my mettle
And found it wanting

I’m still forming
Sky metal warming
Beat me to shape
My purpose is warring

But those days are past
Never was official
Just a man with a business card
And his hand out

Waking up to a reality I can’t know
Finding life amid the wreckage
But pieces stick
They’re vestige

A woken dreamer
Last memories spill across the page

Turbulent heart

Your song seeps in, moving through my blood, wrapping itself around my heart.

This rhythm holds me to brighter smiles and upturned eyes, grace written in the moue of lips and tone made madness of love, though burning set fire to coils and snap, synapse lapse,

break bread in dreaming but no salt to be had, the wants of memory and a spent shell casing pinging against concrete steps, finality in the cymbal crash, in the sodden thump and cascade, never more,

but the ravens merely hungry and doesn’t want discussion,

drape the sanity like gauze, easily ripped away when it’s purpose conflicts with the grey light of dawn and the question on your lips.

Cast me out but let me fly, though I perch outside your door or bake me in and I mistake the warmth for the sun, flick ash and sand and watch world’s turn but only this once

Say that you are mine and wake me, a dreamer trapped in the dreaming, last relevant elevator pitch meeting,

let passion claim madness, let hope claim strength, let peace weep pain or merely love me, as I love you

Stream of consciousness – BDSM edition

When you say, “Sir”, it sends a frission through me. It ignites me like treated wood, builds burn to bright. My possession of you leads to possibilities of public and private. A touch to remind, a choker to mind, a corset to bind, harsh hemp rope making you mine. We are everyday. We are happy. You spark and burn when shocked and bled. My beautiful girl. Mine, mine mine, growl pours from lips to teeth biting clit. My need for you, my joy for you, each touch and sentence spoken, binding us closer. Commands become the choice of happiness and we move in tandem. You to hurt me as I command. My pain is pleasure and you are never denied. Passion pours from us in simple touch, the light in our eyes making truth where others see betrayal. We are blood and hope and fit together. The only thing improper is desire left to rot. But you hop and smile and say Sir. An exploration of boundaries, of each desire taken to the bleeding edge. Our comfort in the choices of each other. Of each other.

Losing sleep

Never knowin where this is all going
just broken
sifting sand looking for a emerald
that’s too general
not looking for money
it’s ephemeral
this life is not perfect
but some people make it worth it
friends and family
they just want the best for me

they don’t understand what that is though
I’m getting to the point where I don’t know
just looking for that spark that moment
when light shines and its all made clear
it’s misleading
mind knows the truth then I start thinking
let grief and fear cloud my feelings
I’m just sinking
waves got me drowning
ocean pulls me under
and makes me wonder if this peaceful sleep is the last thing I’ll choose
but I’ll never go quietly, out like a bang not a whimper
I’ll never be nearer

this hollow maze guides me back to choices made for me
heart that’s full to bursting
alleviate the pressure
fantasy never quite resolving to reality
words are both my truth and my victim
light myself on fire to light your way home to me
but talking to an empty room
it all just ends so soon
endings take care of themselves
but beginnings and middles can last forever
if we work at it
and if it ends
transform to bring me back to you
or break free from your cage and find me no longer in dreams but in the real
woken up to reality which makes sleep a enemy
not wanting to take a step further away from you
even as dreams pull me under

Connected unconnected

When we reduce other people to sensation
to what makes us feel good
we reduce our own humanity

We may be just puzzle pieces
lost and alone
looking for where we fit
but that’s no reason
to slip in-to, hedonistic glut

This is not a rant against pleasure but rather one against taking
we’ve been fucking so long we forgot about love making
About elevating

I’m not saying that pure pleasure in the moment is wrong but most days it does not feel right
It’s empty
And when we become empty for so long we look for anything to fill us
to make us feel accepted

Because we have forgotten what being loved felt like
Act in the service of love and painful as the mounting losses may be
you’ll always be free
of regret at least

There may not be a heaven
but there is surely a hell
because we create it here in our ongoing search for a pleasure that fills us

Our minds should be our faiths
we’re always looking for a way out when we should be following the path in

We take what we want
but taking makes wanting
until we fill ourselves with Prada and prizes
flush with money we chase the one dragon we know we can catch and that feeling fills us up for a time
but it’s still there that ache to be full on waking
that second time is never as real as the first
we become trapped in a hell of our making.

Sex, drugs, and loneliness
dragging down our dreamers all looking for connection but afraid to commit to connect.

We’re above such things
we can disconnect sex from love
free from all rules
but rules are not restriction.

Rules are the freedom to know where the lines are
so you know what you are doing when you cross them
Then it’s three AM and who is this next to me
were they wanting connection or just a slim moment of shared addiction.

Am I the stranger for wanting breakfast?

Fickle muse-playing with lyrics 

Accept me as I am
or reject me
but I am no object
to be picked up then discarded
for I have departed
beyond this veil of light and life
I come to you hard hearted
but watch me melt in sunshine rays
give me my glory
my past is my story
another word, another note
I’m past thinking that’s all she wrote
give me your hand
I swear I’ve got a plan
though they mostly involve asking you to stay
I’m a forever kind of lover
but leave me at the altar
and I’ll find another
my heart is too full to falter
my core is emotion
and emotion speaks poetry
to the last you’ll know it’s me
I may be to shy to say it in time
but I’ll always
know how
to say it
in rhyme

Essence drips leaving puddles

I’ve dreamed of my leaving
a heart full of needing, and darkness
I’m keening
the life meant for leading
upturned faces looking
for their choices to echo my own and somehow be validated
don’t look to me for encouraging
I foster ideas not to be followed but to stand you up and get you to thinking
so I have companions of thought if not heart
I’ve been lost
and I’m losing all sense of being
just wanting and needing
loving and leading
but always found wanting
but wanting for what
I’m never told

choices I’m making
just missing and living
each dripping second seems to lose meaning
life’s just happening
I say I’m not playing and acting in earnest
how can you know if you won’t hear what I say
easier just to walk away
than explain my falling

you were debating, and I was losing an argument I didn’t know was happening
its all just so easy to run rather than face
but running each time
you start to lose the race
before it’s begun
and I’m just here waiting

planning and plotting for circumstance that may never be
but I’d rather be loving
be burning
be the fire
than to drown myself out before it’s begun
this pain is a nightmare and it aches just to be
but I live all the way out there
all the way free

consequences to actions
countervailing force
ripping me to shreds and I can’t help but feel you are the one hurting
and all I am wishing that you were still mine to help
I’m standing here bleeding
heart’s blood dripping
but it’s you I would mend if I could

Syllogistic decline

Should heart be cast down
to erupt unaided by time or awareness
bound purpose in the snow
failing inward to oblivion
and splintered remnants of knowing smiles
found distressed in the slippery madness
gone hallow
desperate to desire
in turnabout and gyre
taste of lips and I am home
the maelstrom’s son forgotten
pressure builds of slipping shudder step
and giving all
have wrought

The pale memories of waning years bundle
spear out
the piercing shriek of pulsar
what was once the history of the world
becomes the collapsing waveform
the energistic creation of itself
modified by the shifting passage of existence