The texture of tongue on teeth

From memories
Rise as leviathan
Woken from fever
A blade bared and hungry
Quiets into painful lethargy
Silence grows
Though distance is constant
Roads least traveled feel less
Was once sorry
Torn between decisions
Time passes
Lament for what may have
Falls silent
What is
Sings a sirens song
And what may be
Drips from lips stained red

Hear the rattle(of the snake)

When I go out into the world, I wear a specific style of dress. I wear black. Black pants, black shoes, black socks and a black button down dress shirt(short sleeve). And in some ways it’s to express my dark side of life nature and my gothness in a corporate world. That’s what I’ll tell you if you ask.

But, it serves other purposes as well. It marks me as other. Which, is a reflection of how I feel about myself. Other. I don’t belong to the crowd.

It’s not about alienation so much as an acknowledgement of fact. The way I think and hold myself forth is different. Which isn’t even my thought, it’s a comment that friends of mine make.

And there’s a third reason…I’m brown. Long hair and brown. Light skinned but brown. And I have a distinct aversion to being mistaken for else.

Through my dress and demeanor I reject any external notion that I might be a grocery store employee. I don’t know where the apples are and if you expect me to and voice it to me as if my place is one of subservience… Well, expect to hear an earful.
I’ve already done my best to flash danger and other with my dress. You’re failure to see reality is not my problem and if you make it my problem, it will swiftly become your problem.

People are afraid. To be confrontational. To be seen as the ‘minority’ with the chip on their shoulder. But what they see, when what I am is contraindicated, is not my emotional responsibility. I refuse to take up their burden.

The bottom line is not blue

Cops want to believe that they are to protect and serve. That is the ideal they espouse. The motto of nearly every city or department. But it is not their function.

The function of police is to determine 2 things. 1. Has a law been broken and if so, by whom.
2. To gather evidence of said infraction to present to the District Attorneys/prosecutor.

That is the base function.
That’s it. Anything beyond that is frosting.

But when we allow them to believe that ‘protecting’ is their function, we get into a quagmire of value judgments. Where personal bias and institutional bias meet and have a toxic baby.

Yes. There was a time when police could execute some judgment upon execution of the law. But we’ve grown too far beyond that. It’s no longer true that street cops actually know the people on their beat. Further, they have no investment in the community that they patrol because they don’t live there. They don’t need to make sure their neighborhood is a good place to live.

And the internal culture reflects this mentality. They see themselves as a community under siege. That ‘civilians’ don’t understand. That cops should be given freedom to persue their goals to protect.
Without true scrutiny, oversight, or interference.

That is the worst kind of false narrative. One which creates a Us vs Them dynamic. Which makes it so that actions outside of the rules become justified. Because they are trying to ‘protect’.

This culture which sees itself as us vs them. Which denounces those who report the crimes of other police. Which considers the body which is there to police them as the “Rat squad”. Which eschews civilian oversight. Which relies on police unions to keep them in power. Its a broken system.

One which functions more like a gang than the military that they play as. Gangs don’t want you to ‘rat’. Gangs want you to rely solely on them for solace and support. Gangs create a us vs them society. And gangs only care about the gang. The thin blue line.

Police use the perpetual threat in negotiations that their members will pull their protection from the cities and citizenry that they serve. That is the definition of a protection racket. Pay up or you don’t know what could happen.

This is a system which requires drastic change. Which requires drastic measures. And it is evident that the change is no longer possible from within.

Police in our country(the USA) are flawed and corrupt on such a fundamental level that internal reforms are no longer an option.

It’s a incendiary statement. But if it is, perhaps it’s time to light the pyre.

What’s yearned for is not simple

I wrote this 11 years ago.

To understand this world you must feel it, breathe in its air as it breathes you in; dance with it as it dances , caress the wind and be caressed in turn. And as I dance and breathe and touch I wonder if there are others experiencing the world as I do or are they all just caught up in the mundane details unable to see the larger world except in momentary glimpses.

And now I feel ensnared. Caught fast in amber. Unable to feel my way through.

I remember that feeling. That singular euphoria of feeling so much a part of the living world that I was connected to its very breathe.

And I now only see it in brief glimpses, which feel insubstantial. There’s no time, it seems, to just be.

And that is what is required. Time to just be in the world. Without tether. Free. With only those physically by your side to share it with you.