The bow, the arrow, and a little death

Drift slow turn
Air passes against
Caress glides
Nerve ends fire
River rush
Pulse against tongue
Mingle scent
Nothing betwixt
Rythym syncs
Tides turn
Silk and heat
Low growl
Slow ache
Unquenched flame
Spilling out
Building higher
Snap catch
Nuclear fire
Twin suns
Never parted
One passion feeds
Another grows
In eternal shift
Nothing remains
But you

Stands the knife

Give me a stick
I’ll light it on fire
Give me a note
And I’ll take it higher
One step to the right
Marks you the liar
Each moment we fight
We get stuck in the mire

I’ll give you minute
An hour
A day

Break out of this mold
And start this desire
We’re more than we’re told
And all the poets retire

Planting false flags
They lead us astray
Can’t make us back down
So we fall away

A bullet to the head
One voice silenced today
Another rise up
You aren’t getting your way

Fuck this reality you’ve made
We’re burning it down
I’ve got the match
We’re heading downtown

Eyes failing, desperate struggle, one more minute

Closed eyes
It all rushes past
That calm anchor
Watching as the real flows in small streams
Each strand making the river
Each moments tumult
Paint splatter cascades down
Around the hollow
Each minute a new reality
Past broken down
Just this sound
Tongue twist
Gurgle and burble
Faster and faster
Until all that’s different
Is that steady hush
Ever present
Over the long silence

Cold lives in the bones and reaches deep to the beginning

Some days I just feel so old
Ancient beyond all reckoning
Thoughts moving in patterns
So slow
So foreign to what is
I feel so lost
So alone
Trapped by memories
By actions long past
By choices made
Made without regret
But without full regard to the consequences
Consequences I long know the result of
Time ebbs on
And I am as trapped as any
Just a bit more free
Free to know
Free to mourn
Free to weep
For deeds
For thoughts and actions
Few will ever know
And fewer understand
And fewer still
Who could accept
Why

How I Brain

I suffer from a malady called situational logic.
Meaning that while prior actions or states may inform present actions or states, I don’t act or think as if those prior actions or states are a fiat accompli. Meaning that each situation must be weighed and judged, and then action taken based on the necessity of the moment. Though, if time permits, with an eye towards the future.

I know it may sound like how everyone acts. But do you? If someone has wronged you in the past are you thinking that they will act in the same way and avoid the encounter or act with hostility?

Because, I don’t. I account for the possible betrayal and color my actions to make use of both past data and current information. Then I take the action that I think will most mitigate the possibility of betrayal coupled with the most beneficial path forward. Even if that means working with that person as if nothing happened in the past.

And what does that mean when making judgments based on larger entities? It means that while I see the larger actions as a body, that individual actions must be assessed and acted upon by information on the individual level while being aware of the possible consequences of the individual actions.

Meaning that my method is based in logic but heavily reliant on intuition for live situations. “Intuition being the ability to discern fact from the vapor of nuance.” paraphrase (Neal Stephenson, Snow Crash)

Rant on the improper application of psychological principles to every day life

Codependency is bandied about as if were a bad thing. And, in a culture where being independent is prized, it may be seen by the society at large to be a bad thing. But is it truly? We are pack animals and I use pack deliberately. We have pack dynamics which are nuanced rather than herd dynamics which have a tendency to take all cues from a single leader. As pack, we are dependent on each other for safety, for health, for joy, for love. That humanity forms its own packs rather than relying solely on extended family is different but not unique.

So back to codependentcy. We see it as bad because we have this notion that we stand alone and standing alone is strength. It’s one of those siren call lies. We want to be enough for all things but that is neither rational nor healthy. Codependentcy is only a bad thing when it subsumes your one personality supplanting it with the hopes and dreams of the other. In other words, when the behavior travels into psycopathy.

And that’s where media fails us. Because, in search of a quick engagement, we are told quick and unnuanced information. Like, codependence is bad. Video games, bad. Movies, bad. Etc, etc…
But what they fail to say is that these things are only bad when they have a negative impact on your well-being.

So obsessed with social media that it negatively effects your self image? Bad.
Going on Instagram to see pictures of puppies? Not bad.

Play that mmo until you fall into a coma? Bad.
Go on a weekly raid with your guild? Not bad.

So codependent that your personality is subsumed by the will of your partner? Bad
Being with a partner whose strengths compliment yours and whose love reflects your own? Not bad

This notion that depending on someone or liking something is a bad thing is all situation dependent. And to what extreme you are experiencing that thing. And the fact that we are made to feel guilty or made to feel as if we need to justify our choices because of the improper application of psychology is galling.

Acknowledge the precipice

Bound into darkness by bonds forged long ago
I rise a phoenix bound only by my love and my will
Choosing again and again to serve
To guard
To lead
In this temporary oasis of respite
I gather strength
Healing old wounds long left to fester
With no time allocated to healing
I broke
But now, wounds healed, life reforged
Truths accepted and hopes reignited
I walk forward
While a human life remains to live
A souls journey forward is waiting
And I safeguard a future beyond this mortal world
A future beyond reckoning
As incarnate, I am part blind
But still
I see

To feel, we must break; to love, we must fall

Between the lines we see what is but it is in that non-existence that we find space to spread the wings of the mind. Out beyond the borders, while inside we huddle worn and weathered from the broken storm of being. We spread dark wings patterned after the universal night. Breaking what lays between as pointless barrier. Walls fall in realities long distant. And what is, becomes.
And yet, still we are forced into the flesh of the moment. Relying on frail mortality to provide that glimpse beyond what is; to experience infinity one must first have a frame of reference. So we rise up and take a vessel. And live a mortal life trapped in the slowly decaying orbit which is called living. But until we snap finger quick out of one life to the next. We wander in this transition point. This hollow ache of slow perception which bridges the gap between anticipatory hope and the fresh burn of the new. Waking up, we find ourselves in the deep embrace of desire. One less step forward. One less day left in the traverse. All just the memory.
The patient gaze of observation. And the slow waiting for the next.

Down on the lo fi, wake in the high life

Take my hand
One step forward
I’ll hold the line
Not going back
To that before fore time
We’ll fight this together
We’ll forge a new ‘line
Just one step forward
Riding the decline
Take you to my house
Strip it to the bone
We’ll build it together
Make this place a home
You’re my forever
My place in the sun
Just take this step forward
I promise
We’ve just begun