“Any failure traceable to arrogance, or our lack of comprehension or readiness to sacrifice would inflict upon us grievous hurt both at home and abroad.” Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1961

This is rant will certainly be inflammatory.

It is my belief that the Unites states of America, as a whole, has become a nation of cowards.  Not as individuals, I’m sure we can all point out dozens of cases where individuals did heroic or amazing things.  But as a nation we no longer have the will to see things through or to take the actions that are vital to our survival as a nation.  I not only speaking of the wars we fight that started as a knee jerk reaction but the fact that we then fail to extricate ourselves from those conflicts with any binding and permanent effect. We instead retreat because Americans as a body lack the will to continue.

Our politicians are an extension of our will, it may not seem so most of the time, but they WILL DO whatever is necessary to get elected/reelected; in that at least they are consistent;  when we, as a whole, lacked the will to continue, as support eroded we slapped together a regime, and propped it up and said to the world, Look here, we tore it down but look we put a government back up. That it was a government that cannot succeed given the cultural influences of the area they live in was inconsequential. We lacked the will to do what was necessary for them.  Instead of doing what needed to be done,  we pulled up stakes and left. Leaving what was roped in place hastily to fall on its own.  The current state of affairs is neither shocking nor unpredictable. Any dozens of analysts, political and apolitical alike could have given our leaders the same information.  But it would not have mattered.  Because the people that put them in power lacked the will to stay or enact a course for permanent lasting change; That is the effect of our cowardice outside our nation.

The effect inside is a growing divisiveness and will for change coupled with an apathy and the childlike mentality that the government can make everything better. The government in a republic is only as good as the people themselves are. We were once amazing, not smarter or more compassionate, not wiser or happier.  We once had the will needed to enact our vision individually and as groups, of what this nation would be.  We were passionate about our country, not as a misguided nationalism secure in the belief that our nation was blessed be deity and thus could not fail, but willing and hopeful participants in our own liberty. Voting was a duty and a privilege not taken for granted. Those who had it used it,  those who didn’t, wanted it.  Rightly seeing it as a primary step in equality.

Once you can vote,  the government of a republic must pay attention to your desires.  The apathy we feel for government is insidious. We have allowed 2 political parties to become the norm, and they are virtually indistinguishable from each other,  at least in action if not in platform. 3rd parties are crushed down and forced to fight tooth and nail just to be seen on a ballot with legal action taken by both parties to keep them from being heard. And we as a people do nothing. we sit on the sidelines and convince ourselves that it doesn’t matter anyway because all politicians are corrupt.  As long as we allow this cowardice to continue we will have exactly the government we deserve.  Until our freedoms have eroded away and our vaunted Constitution is just a pretty piece of paper in a building schoolchildren are forced to go to.
Here is a hint, in the voting people there is always a third blank line.   That is not extra,  you can write a candidate in,  being on the ballot makes things easier but it is not the only option.  We the people, have the power to make these changes. To wake up and see what our government does and does not do well.  And limit it to those things we need it for instead of those things we lack the will to do ourselves.  We need to wake up before it is all gone.  This is metaphorical call to arms not a specific agenda. Until we make these changes in ourselves, vote nationally and active locally there is no escaping this downward spiral. Until we take up the reins again and dream, and act on those dreams, of a better informed future.  The government will keep grabbing up the power that we refuse to take up ourselves until this dystopian society we are seemingly obsessed with comes to pass.

The Dryad Tree

The dryad tree sits in the corner of the parking lot
Reaching out to an uncaring sky
It shivers in the cold
Falling flowers in a desolate dawn
Rain falling lightly on it’s outstretched limbs
Bringing forth new life
She dances
In the afternoon’s birthing light

Boughs weighed down with age
Beauty unrepentant
Dying in the frigid air


I hate being emotionally vulnerable. I’ve worked to get to this point and now that I’m here I fucking hate it. This state helps me with my writing but its like a slow fire consuming me. The tears and the laughter are so close to the surface now that they erupt out of me without any control. It is the most infuriating thing I’ve ever done to myself.  And most of me wants the throw myself back into the fortress(the prison) of my self control. To submerge these feelings in physical pleasures and pains until they drown and just…shut the fuck up.  The only thing holding me from that is ego.  I won’t let go of anything I’ve fought this hard for.  But I still hate it. The hell of it is; It is such an intensely isolated journey that I’m not even sure anymore why I’m doing it.


I don’t like to ask for help. Even when I’m paying for services, the initial call to make an appointment is a source of anxiety. It is not about self-sufficiency or ego. It is that I am giving control over some aspect of myself to someone. Outside of a specific set of circumstances, where I give up control in favor of its illusion, that is very difficult for me. Control is at the core of who I am. Control of my impulses and the aspects of my darker nature. To channel them into less destructive paths. One of the reasons I try to always speak the truth. A lie, once spoken, takes on a life of its own. It moves into other people and is transformed. It cannot be controlled. But the truth? The truth is a naked blade, sharp, beautiful and deadly. It lays self evident and perfect. I acknowledge that I can only control myself. That to control others, outside of a specific set of mutually agreed on circumstances, is impossible and further is a breaking of my first rule. So when I am forced to give up some of my hard won control, I have a hard time with it.

Unseeli sidhe

I pulled out of a deep depression with the realization that the thing I was obsessing about wasn’t real. My mind had misremembered something and my subconscious had took it in its teeth and run with it. Something someone had said was piggybacking on the impending sadness this time of year brings. The 19th will be the anniversary of the death of my Morrigan. It still has the ability to rock me back on my heels and set me spinning. This week will be one of contemplation and crying jags. Memories good and bad warring, strength against strength and the hope that she found peace in the oblivion she so staunchly believed in. My love, my Morrigan, fly on free.

No title

Reserved in demeanor and sparing with speech, I sit in my walled garden. Surrounded by stone walls lined with spikes, the only entrance a single iron bound door with no handle or knob. The interior is covered in ivy. A meandering path lined with a hedgerow on the left and a small bubbling brook to the right, willow and hawthorn lining its far bank. Birds calling to each other filling the air. At the end of the path a small sand garden, patterned in a spiral. Small spires of feldspar reaching for the open sky dot the sand in an array that lays right at the border of order and chaos. A stone bench sits next to brooks end. Koi Dancing in the pond. Welcome to my garden. There is darkness here, in the hedgerow maze, secrets to discover. Delights to be shared and journey to be taken. Push the door in, for all of it’s austerity, there are wonders within.


10 years on and they still don’t understand it.  Paranormal sciences they call it.  Come on people, can’t we just call it magic and be done? The Jerusalem Knights call it subetheric particle manipulation and quantum entanglement.  Maybe what they do is some kind of super science, but what Simon Crow did?  No devices, just a man and his Will? I don’t think so. It was magic pure and simple.  When I saw that beam of sickly green lance scintillating into that ship I thought it was the military deploying some kind of experimental laser, like the Death Star or something.  But then I heard it.  I know the recordings don’t have any sound but I know what I heard.  It was screaming.  Not a terrified scream like you hear in horror movies.  No, this was like if that demon thing from those movies,  you know, with the little guy walking somewhere and the wizard. Anyway like a creature of flame and earth, terrible and strange were having it’s guts ripped out. All deep and filled with pain, just building up until I passed out. No I didn’t faint, it was like turning off a light.  One minute this horrible mind wrenching sound then Nothing.  It couldn’t have been more than a few minutes later when I snapped awake.  The ship had crashed into 2 halves and part of the city was on fire.  Science didn’t do that. We threw everything we had at those ships, not a dent.  One mental patient in a swamp, and down goes the invader.  Magic is the only answer.
– Transcript from First person account of the Incursion.  *editors note: transcript edited to remove profanity*

Poetry fragment

The darkness in us, around us, IS our shattered symphony. The music of our lives, broken and discordant.

a momentary lapse of judgment, slipping from the razors edge.
into hot and abrasive arms, holding as if welcoming giving way to realization of discomfort; then struggle

escape only possible with bloods price
a momentary lapse, sending bloody ripples into uncertain future
a past sinking down to the depths below

Late post

So I am scheduled to write something today, and I’m already posting this late. and I got nothin’. I had the thought on Saturday as I posted that unscheduled post that maybe I should hold it back and schedule it for today; but I thought, nah, I’ll have something for Wednesday. Turns out, not so much. Just another lesson to writing on a schedule. You have an idea. write it down. Don’t post it immediately; schedule it. If you have another idea, great. If not, your covered. Lessons learned.