I don’t understand the enjoyment of sports.  Of hitching something, your ego I suppose,  to the team winning. And it’s, in most cases, only winning.  When the team wins,  it’s We won.  When they lose, it’s They lost.  I get watching and on some level I can enjoy the athleticism of it.  I can root for a team as part of a role, but it’s empty.  At my core,  I just don’t understand.  Comradery I get.  Being fans and being at the game, getting caught up in the emotion of the crowd,  I get that.  But sitting at home alone and experiencing the same thing,  bwuh? I’m not against it.  Basically because I can’t muster the passion to care.  Just one of those things I guess.

A mediocre idea continued

USA: 60 minutes
How odd to regard an ex mental patient as a Savior.  Even stranger to be that patient.  All my life I heard whispers, glimpses of the world beneath this one.  The whispers told me what I always knew, I was something more.  It’s what we all want to hear,  and I made my first mistake. I told someone.  First my parents, then my shrink.  The drugs helped.  I stopped hearing the voices so loudly.  But a steady whisper, different from the others remained.  It spoke to me of how to convince them that I was normal.  How to conform in six easy steps . It worked for awhile, just another happy kid in suburban hell. 

Swamped by reporters

I wish you people would just leave me alone.  The squirrels in my tree chattered less than you. 
If you’re not going to let me get back to my nap,  then at least point me to the nearest pub.

New Jerusalem:

“I’m Rebecca Gomez,  reporting live from Wall that encircles New Jerusalem.  Since the invasion of the Unknown ships  was defeated this wall has cut off all of contact between the so-called Knights of the Temple and the outside world. 
Leaving us to wonder what these, perhaps misnamed, heroes are hiding. 
Back to you Jeff. “


Shattered shadows, darkness, and pain
These are three of my favorite things
Or so my poetry would have you believe
A moment in sunshine and peace rendered as hearts pain
Experiences of pleasure in the touch of another described as darkness shifting its skin
A hundred different emotions distilled down to these three things.  Always the first words I write.  Always these three written small on my heart and tongue.

A bit of an overshare

I think my writing and attitudes may paint me as a broken person.  And truth to tell I am. Broken by a death that shattered me to peices. There was a time that I submerged myself in pain and pleasure hoping to blot out her memory.  When that failed, I closed all doors to emotion and lived in the logic and darker things that no door could hold. That numbness tainted everything I did, but in the end it allowed me to heal enough that I could come out of that remorseless light.  The hole that had cored me through now had a bottom. And I began to fill it with witnessed beauty, then back to the poetry of my youth,  thence to writing songs. And finally to this blog. And every day I fill up the hole with a little more creation.  And everyday the remorse and regret burn out the hole.  But some ash is left;  And little by little the hole is filling. In honesty, I am afraid.  I’ve been broken for so long now that I can no longer remember what is was like to be whole,  if I ever was.

A mediocre idea

When the ships appeared out of the still sky on a lonely august morning,  the world reeled in shock,  not only was alien life confirmed but here it was irrefutable in its ovoid shaped glory.

What wonders would this new era bring… Better to ask what horrors,  for as world leaders and corporations struggled to both make sense of it while avoiding mass panic, this technological marvel, on this historic day, opened fire.   Their numbers and firepower left cities a smoldering ruin,  along with ankor wat, the sphinx and several tibetan temples.  In those beginning hours it seemed inevitable,  the extinction of the human race was underway, though other species were not exempt from attention.  Pods of whales and dolphins were destroyed.  Wholesale slaughter of the great apes.  Then,  in the still,  chill of night a beam of sickly green shot out of a Tennessee swamp,  striking the side of one of the ships.  For a brief moment,  nothing,  then a vast deafening ripping sound filed the air and the ship was rent in two.   The counterstrike had begun.  While the military struggled to put together a meaningful attack plan others had dusted off old contingency plans and acted.  Some singly,  and others in concerted groups.  Who were these saviors,  you ask. Perhaps delta force or a secret darpa project?  No.  The man who brought down the first ship was an ex mental patient,  someone the world was convinced was crazy.  After all,  only a crazy person would claim he was the reincarnation of an old shaman who could do real magic.  In Jerusalem the Knights of the temple came out from bunkers deep beneath the city wielding complicated and disturbing technological horrors.  Oh,  the ships fell under their onslaught but many who saw those weapons in action were driven irrevocably mad.  In Wales,  a great oak tree said to have been standing for a thousand years split in twain, and out stepped a wizened old man who looked mightily disturbed at those who had interrupted his nap.  All over the world secret societies and ancient guardians woke up.


1. Never engage in betrayal
(slew of subrules defining what this constitutes,  but if I encounter a new situation I will decide within 5 minutes whether this rule applys)
2. Serve your cause(s) to the best of your ability.
3. Do what is correct(not right or good) without regard to personal consequence.  In each moment there is a correct action.
4. Love and sex are not the same thing.  Sex(in all its forms) should always be in the service of love.
5. Respect the autonomy and ability of others.  Never assume that they need help unless they ask for help.
6. If someone asks for help, do so as much as the other rules allow.
7. If betrayal occurs against you and yours(friends, family, tribe),  the only rule that applies is #3.