Only truth, always truth

I provide certainty
Because I am certain

I provide commands
Because through order
You are safe

I provide discipline
Because through punishment
Are sins expiated

These are the things that people see
But, while important, these things are merely surface
They are the barest glimpse of what we are

You are mine
I am yours
Always by your side
A whisper in your ear
A kiss on your lips
A conversation
A song
Every word a truth

I wake to thoughts of you
I sleep to thoughts of you
Every step is a step forward
To you

Trembling hand reaches forth

What hope in silence
In deep quiet of the early hours
Hopes and truths
Whirl point to counterpoint
All come round
To too silent reverie
And salt trails betraying
A heart too full to break

Make peace in silence
When choice and time
Makes decision and endeavor
In collusion bound
Hand and hand
Round voices raised
In absolution

Worth more than pain
But ground down
By disappointments
In stillness
Still awaiting word

Sentinel, whose tears dry
And make flesh tight
Drying passage marking place
Accept and know
An oath, once given, cannot be rescinded

So, in acceptance, stand
In the deep heart of mourning

Singular Focus

A slip in the mind
Thin stiletto shade
breaks from bound energy
To boundless control

Builds internal cities
Palaces for you to wander down
Each step building to crescendo future

Wake safe in my violence
Darkness in gentle war with light
Pain builds pleasure

Dear girl
Dear goddess
Dear pains fruitful kiss

Held in memory
In heart
In shattered hands

Slipping into steel blessed mind
Buried between
One breath

Reveille call

The fact of the matter is
That I’m a shitty defensive fighter
But take what you want today
You’ll pay with your life tomorrow

My skills in the moment are less than stellar
Give me a minute to plan
And your world will burn
I’ve been called a dark angel
And that may be for I’ve certainly fallen

They say that it’s all in the wolf you feed
Anger or peace
But instead make of them friends
And control their leash

I’ve no hair trigger to unleash on command
But give me a day
And let cold suffuse all
I’ll hunt to the ends of the earth
And bright angels will weep
At the sight of your fall

My rightful prey

Mark my passage by firelight
Soft footsteps in the shallow dark
Near you, always near you
Barriers fall in blood wave rivulets
Marred surface married to perfect heart
Presence felt as pressure
Soft leather binds
Flickering light casts shadows
Twist, attempts to flight, impossible
Heat pounds past glowing coals
Sharp lash and line of fire
Fear runs down to the mind
Safe in the knowledge of my love

Valentine’s Day 30

After 2 hours of holding and talking Tara is calm enough for Sara to dress her. I pull on slacks and a plain black t-shirt. Sara guides Tara out of our bedroom, guiding her with a hand on her back. Tara normally looks regal and she just looks sad. Her eyes downcast like she’s done something wrong. Breaking my heart. How deeply I failed her. But I don’t get the luxury of showing her my own weakness. Not yet.

Sara meets my eyes and shakes her head. Telling me that Tara hasn’t told her what happened. I sit Tara next to my wife and take the chair opposite them. I don’t want Tara to feel trapped or pressure.

Tara sits with her hands on her lap, eyes downcast. Her soft peach dress demure and innocent.

“Tara,” I say, pitching my voice soft, “I apologize for leaving you alone. It was wrong and I will try to never let it happen again.”

Tara looks up at me, shock on her face. Tears spring to her eyes and she rocks as if slapped.

She shakes her head and softly, almost inaudible, whispers, “No. It was my fault. I should have been good. I’ll do better.”

I can feel my heart shattering and the tears spring to my eyes blurring my vision.
“Honey, no. You’ve done nothing wrong. You got scared and hid. I’m sure Fineous fox was a good companion and kept you safe…Can you tell us why you hid,” I ask fighting to keep the sob from my voice.

Tara looks over at Sara who nods ok and Tara takes a deep breath. She looks me in the eye and say “I… I saw you hurting Sara. I saw….. And then I saw my friend Rachel. And I saw Him. He was hurting her and he said that he would keep hurting her unless I was good and come over to him. But,” her sobs punctuating each few words, “I couldn’t because I was scared. He’d cut me earlier and if I came to him I knew he’d cut me again and I couldn’t make myself move and he kept hurting her and she was crying and I couldn’t be a good girl and he hurt her and she was bleeding and he dragged me and locked me in the punishment room. And I heard him drag her to the back and a car door slam and I never saw her.”

Tara is crying in jagged gasps and Sara is holding her. I meet Sara’s gaze and shake my head. Rachel didn’t turn up in our sweep. From what I’m hearing, she’s dead. And this makes me think that there must have been others. There’s no way that douchebag got rid of the body so thoroughly. He was a trust fund idiot. Not a contractor. So he had help. I’ll send Jen, my head of security, a note asking her to do a deep dive into this.

“Honey, I’m sorry. Sara is here and mostly unhurt. I’m sorry I didn’t sit you down and go through that scene. I know we didn’t discuss it and I got carried away. This is entirely my fault for not finding out what might trigger you. I won’t ask you to forgive me. I will do better for us all.”

Tara looks up from Sara. She says, “I don’t want to play.”

Those 5 words tell me that she’s not completely lost. She’s asserting her desires and that eases a tiny bit of the tension.

“Of course,” I reply, “It’s your day. What would you like to do?”

She looks up and says “I want to watch Fantastic Mr. Fox, then Zootopia.”

“Of course, I’ll just put it on and start some dinner. Ok?”

She smiles, still clinging to Sara, tears streaming down her face, “OK.”