The bow, the arrow, and a little death

Drift slow turn
Air passes against
Caress glides
Nerve ends fire
River rush
Pulse against tongue
Mingle scent
Nothing betwixt
Rythym syncs
Tides turn
Silk and heat
Low growl
Slow ache
Unquenched flame
Spilling out
Building higher
Snap catch
Nuclear fire
Twin suns
Never parted
One passion feeds
Another grows
In eternal shift
Nothing remains
But you

Stands the knife

Give me a stick
I’ll light it on fire
Give me a note
And I’ll take it higher
One step to the right
Marks you the liar
Each moment we fight
We get stuck in the mire

I’ll give you minute
An hour
A day

Break out of this mold
And start this desire
We’re more than we’re told
And all the poets retire

Planting false flags
They lead us astray
Can’t make us back down
So we fall away

A bullet to the head
One voice silenced today
Another rise up
You aren’t getting your way

Fuck this reality you’ve made
We’re burning it down
I’ve got the match
We’re heading downtown

Eyes failing, desperate struggle, one more minute

Closed eyes
It all rushes past
That calm anchor
Watching as the real flows in small streams
Each strand making the river
Each moments tumult
Paint splatter cascades down
Around the hollow
Each minute a new reality
Past broken down
Just this sound
Tongue twist
Gurgle and burble
Faster and faster
Until all that’s different
Is that steady hush
Ever present
Over the long silence

Cold lives in the bones and reaches deep to the beginning

Some days I just feel so old
Ancient beyond all reckoning
Thoughts moving in patterns
So slow
So foreign to what is
I feel so lost
So alone
Trapped by memories
By actions long past
By choices made
Made without regret
But without full regard to the consequences
Consequences I long know the result of
Time ebbs on
And I am as trapped as any
Just a bit more free
Free to know
Free to mourn
Free to weep
For deeds
For thoughts and actions
Few will ever know
And fewer understand
And fewer still
Who could accept

Acknowledge the precipice

Bound into darkness by bonds forged long ago
I rise a phoenix bound only by my love and my will
Choosing again and again to serve
To guard
To lead
In this temporary oasis of respite
I gather strength
Healing old wounds long left to fester
With no time allocated to healing
I broke
But now, wounds healed, life reforged
Truths accepted and hopes reignited
I walk forward
While a human life remains to live
A souls journey forward is waiting
And I safeguard a future beyond this mortal world
A future beyond reckoning
As incarnate, I am part blind
But still
I see

To feel, we must break; to love, we must fall

Between the lines we see what is but it is in that non-existence that we find space to spread the wings of the mind. Out beyond the borders, while inside we huddle worn and weathered from the broken storm of being. We spread dark wings patterned after the universal night. Breaking what lays between as pointless barrier. Walls fall in realities long distant. And what is, becomes.
And yet, still we are forced into the flesh of the moment. Relying on frail mortality to provide that glimpse beyond what is; to experience infinity one must first have a frame of reference. So we rise up and take a vessel. And live a mortal life trapped in the slowly decaying orbit which is called living. But until we snap finger quick out of one life to the next. We wander in this transition point. This hollow ache of slow perception which bridges the gap between anticipatory hope and the fresh burn of the new. Waking up, we find ourselves in the deep embrace of desire. One less step forward. One less day left in the traverse. All just the memory.
The patient gaze of observation. And the slow waiting for the next.

Down on the lo fi, wake in the high life

Take my hand
One step forward
I’ll hold the line
Not going back
To that before fore time
We’ll fight this together
We’ll forge a new ‘line
Just one step forward
Riding the decline
Take you to my house
Strip it to the bone
We’ll build it together
Make this place a home
You’re my forever
My place in the sun
Just take this step forward
I promise
We’ve just begun

Bitter tear Symphony

Friends who are family is all I’ve ever wanted
They slot into my soul like puzzle pieces
Energistic connection which makes everything feel

All right
The last 2 years have been harder than I thought would be possible
Harder especially since my family
The family I chose
Had been breaking apart
I lost two people to just life and distance and time
We are droplets running like a river
Believing us to be strong
Till one thing
And another
Drive the point home
We weren’t a river
Just drops
Held loose in a semicrystalline state
Always destined to break apart
I thought my years of isolated broken would serve as a deterrent to heartbreak
But it turns out that once you are healed enough
Those wounds are no longer haunting
Nor familiar
The carve in
Old sites long scarred
Past by in favor of fresh flesh
I’ve built this network of people I love
And as the pandemic drags on and on
I realize that the illusion of self
Is just that
Without my family of choice
I am diminished
And nothing can take the place of the pack

One night only

When trying to sleep I try everything
I try going to sleep at the same time
Having a drink
Not having a drink
I’ve tried taking a shower immediately before bed
Tried reading in my office chair for so long I’m actively losing time
Tried watching TV
Tried listening to music
Cover on/cover off

Everything I’ve tried all gives me, at most, one nights rest
I keep changing things because sometimes one change works
But the only thing that consistently works is knowing that when I wake up
The person I love is gonna be beside me
Not every time
But a good 70% of the time
Or even that when I wake, very soon I will see them
I guess it makes me feel safe
A thought that actually makes me cry
And I don’t know why
Just that safe isn’t something I feel very often
Emotionally safe and maybe a bit physically safe
I miss that
Sleeping is one of the prime factors for keeping my depression away
But I guess,
I’ll try something new
It can be my world premiere
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