I want to be
To read books and be
To eat good food and drink good drinks
And be
I want to be warm in winter
And cool in summer
To read by a fire
Drink thick coffee
I want to let go concern
Control
Be held safe in another’s arms
And hold them safe in turn
No steadfast rules
No judgment
Just time
And books
And love and comfort
Poems
Sound of your own heartbeat
All the noise
And
You
Just want
One minute of silence
Then you get it
And its bliss
For a little while
But eventually
You remember
When it used to be laughter
And talking
And people saying
Stupid shit that you want to scream at
But now its just this endless silence
Come home to empty
To the weight of the nothing
And what you wouldn’t give
For a few more minutes
Of noise
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Change is too simple for what must be done
Life is long
And the dreams we had
When we were young
Seem so naïve now
Seeing the world through that lense
Where your opinions are a mix
Of what your parent told you
And what you rebelled against
I thought America was a shining jewel
A beacon of the possible
A hope in a world where the darkest parts of us
Often strut about on the stage
And now
I see its deep flaws
Its horrific tragedies
Its blatant lies
What once was golden is streaked
With green
That false gold
Eaten by exposure
We aren’t any more divided than we always were
We just have the tools to see it now
We aren’t limited by what the local paper publishes
By what makes it on the 3 channels of television
People’s egos get bound up in belief
People’s communities get bound up in single idea activism
It is hard to walk away from all you have ever known
Hard to hold a line when doing so loses every tie
Hard to accept that the belief you had
Was wrong
To embrace metamorphosis
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Hope is a fragile thing
I sat down to write a poem
Finding its measure wanting
And its rhythm trite
I end up here once again
Pondering this lack of sight
I find my interest waining
Not in writing
So much as life
Never having planned to come this far
I find myself forced
Made to contemplate a future
One I was certain would never come
I have all of the pieces but not the puzzle
All of the dreams but not the hopes
And the world fades out
But nothing yet fades in
On the verge of destruction
Waiting for the groundswell
A last minute effort
To give that last push
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The long quiet
The only thing you can do is keep getting up
Keep going
Keep making choices
Keep talking
Keep hoping
One foot in front of another
That’s all the energy you have
That’s all the energy I have
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Seeing too much
Patterns of light float on the surface
Everything they tell me it is
Doesn’t adequately describe it
They take one aspect and point and holler
Like so many small children pointing at the obvious
Everything pulses slower than a heartbeat
Vision shifts to deep violet
Unexplained
They say impossible
Try living it
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Work stuff
Frustration blooms bloody
Each hour crawls past lost fading light
Lasting choice forgiveness
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Find me in ten thousand years
Scrimshaw writ deeply
Weariness one can’t escape from
No exit, just time
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End of a long day
Slipped off my shoes
Cuddling deep into soft sheets
Dreaming only you
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Broken bow symphony
Hoping for a mythical past we wipe away the chance for a fabled future
A golden age proves to be little more than the dream of the thrashing fevered body politic
We cling to false hopes and outright lies rather than face bitter truths
All the while barreling forward
One inexorable second at a time
Towards the crumbling hellscape of the world we have turned our backs on
While we build up the fiction of prosperity
And cling to ideals long since tarnished
Jagged metal piercing palms
Convincing ourselves that this isn’t blood
Its rain
Pelgris 