Injecting sand, hoping for one more minute

I play for time
Rolling dice against an uncaring clock
Anything to maintain distance from sleep which drags me unwilling out of bed as morning breaks
And fatigue settles into bones
Wander through routine
And listening to high energy music in a vain attempt to will myself into work

I play for time
Seconds drip by
Hopeful steps with one more second before tomorrow becomes inevitable
That foreknowledge
That foregone conclusion
It not even burnout
It’s just life
This wheel turning with no hope to get ahead
Head above water
Treading and hoping to make it to that future I once thought certain

Calm wistful mornings

Drop sand distant to a tune made melody
Pounding counterpoint to soft gasps
Quiet bitten lip moans
Being quiet for too thin walls
Open to the endeavors of pain
Break wave and skin taught
Beads of sweat
Cold in the rooms still air
Eyes meet
Even in passions throws
Small towel and soft cover
Cutting out cold
Taking fierce care while being taken
Into ear the growl of
“Mine”
And thus I’m lost again

Each breathe feeds, each day grows

The sea seethes
Rages against the earth
Beating itself against its ramparts
Wearing it down to sand

The storm watches

The earth burns
Slow molten rock
Destroy itself to build bridges
Dragonglass dreams

The storm builds

The flames dance
Racing through life
Extinguish to extinguish
Consuming life creates life

The storm endures

Getting lost on the way to the exit

With each passing post I lose a little self
A little will to keep going
I build up walls
Which cannot stand
For they are built on the rubble of walls which came before
Never again
Never lose myself so thoroughly that it’s a fight to get back
But I can’t stop scrolling
Reposting
Hope and anger
With apathy winning
Anger can’t sustain
Hope dwindles
Here’s a cat
Here’s something cute
Bulwarks against the tide
Drowning in truth
Step away
Have to
Must
There is only so much pain
Even I can sustain
Before it’s too much
This is why the sleepers sleep
Not because they want to
Not because it’s better
Simply because while asleep
They can pretend they are not powerless
Not meat for the beast
This is how nihilist cults form
Because why not
Because nothing changes
Because for all the heights of greatness that humanity has the seeds of
They sit mired in the muck
Playing with mud
Pretending to be kings

Tired outpaces cells cross hatched on hands

Watch the dappling leaves
Bright green
Waxy
Reflecting light
Mirrors with depth
With life

Watch through windows
Set to filter out life
Filter out smells
Filter out the chaos
The order of passing

Cold inside while the world bakes
Trapped inside
Hamster on the wheel

Shuffle out
Get in my truck
Baking
Heat burns into bones
Quiet and rattle
These the only moments of silence
Instead of music

Let the panic rush past
Through
Once more into poison
Just a quick dip
Then through

Long enough to sleep
To feel safe
Behind locked doors
Which sit behind locked doors
Which sit behind locked doors

Dangerous empathy turns away from blindness

Luxury of the unknown
Wake up
Not wondering
Some stranger, some ‘friend’, some coworker
False praise of unwanted innuendo
Condescension dressed up as aid
Hurt feelings for being my friend
Danger from those you like
You love
Normal

Broken world
Simulation left to bored sadists
Ponder the ways
To break again
A world so shattered
Will it even notice

White lies, Black lives

Noise drowns out rhetoric in the next room
Headphones cranked up
Drowning out voices repeating
Lies as revelation
Reinforcing
Until the only truth is the lie

Closed doors and silent
Opinions asked anguish
Traps to pounce

They believe only facts which reinforce their hypocrisy
So no facts at all
Just profitable lies
Slung by earnest white faces
And fear cowering in a bunker
Plotting betrayal

Arguments
Hurt looks when told harsh truths
How their hatred effects the relationships with those around them

Dams burst
Thugs in blue uniforms
Armed to the teeth
Seething with hatred
Told they have authority
And no repercussions
Demonstrate in real time

Cameras raised
Shouting to be heard
Nothing new
But now seen
Again and again

That old experiment
The worst humans aggregate to the place they can exert the most brutality
The best intentions stay silent
And the truest few quit rather than be a part
Rather than be complicit
In this river of blood
We can no longer unsee