Missing freedom

slowly being boiled alive
Each day the heat ratchets up
Each day one more responsibility
Weighs down
Thought I was at the top of my game
Turns out I was just a frog down a well
Living on the wheel
Paycheck to paycheck
One bad day away from an ending
Lost in the weeds
Burned out or burning
Doesn’t matter when you have no choices
Each day just a step closer to ending
Looking forward to that eternal relief

Jaw clenched against the pain

Sitting in silence
One last reminder
One last pretender
One last link to the frozen past
Indelible ink
Marked in skin so deep
Its 7 years by 7 before it shows
Kiss me I’m yours
Give over to fire and passion
Don’t wait
I’m looking for that sign
But all I hear is silence
The too loud voice of my own thoughts
Reiterating
Over and over
What silence really means
All while hoping that it doesn’t

Wind moves the tag on a pillow out the corner of my eye

My eye is drawn to movement and in movement I an free
In chaotic acts I am action and decisions
But in the quiet normal, that time in the calm which stills but is not still
In that time I am uneasy
My blood moves under my skin and I feel my heart beating
Open my mouth and hear the heart valves opening and closing
In the extremes of chaos and true calm
Whether in the heat of tumult or in the quiet where the world itself seems to pause
In those moments I am simply myself
And I am enough
And feel competent, complete,
And it’s so easy to live for those moments
But they fade and are gone so quickly
How can you live for what are just minutes in a lifetime?
Instead, I force myself to be
To try to see the chaotic spin and the terrible silence
In the normal day of going to work
Of going to meetings
Of just simple life
Because lifes too long to live for the thrill
And too short by far to wait for it all to be still