Sipping heartsblood on the razors edge

When I feel the fear perching in the back of my chest
tongue lolling out of gargoyle visage
heart pumping adrenalin darts
I lean in
embracing the pain and fall.

This hot prickle constricting air in lungs
eyes bouncing looking for a way out
until I take that action that makes me feel like screaming and hiding and running all at the same time
then it tramps down to quivering smiles and anxious waiting
cause
as ever
my fears are bound up in the uncertain possible of what someone else will say when I ask or say that thing that scares even me
waiting for the Yay or nay like a gladiator looking at the crowd
waiting to be butchered or to live for a few minutes more

The Sky crys the tears I am unable to

To justify my love
having been told so often that it can’t be
that it’s too soon
I find myself in a constant war of justification where I say “I love you…”
waiting for the rejection
waiting for the no
waiting for the hesitation that says your love is scary
and I say
in that forced brittle cheer of the beaten
and all flinches “…but I love everybody.”
which is sorta true
I love all the people I love and have ever loved
but I diminish my words
scrunch down to make them fit
this too small container of what is acceptable
I’m the broken one for my love
I’m the tragic fool for my open heart
it’s always too soon
until it’s too late

Little stories for big truths

She looked at me, eyes filled with tears and bravery
She looked at me and said, “Things have felt wrong my whole life.”
She looked at me and said, “I’m they. And gender fluid.”
They looked at me. Imploring my understanding as my face stood blank and brow furrowed in puzzlement.
I said, confused and obvious, bold and unyielding “I love you. You. You have told me something important. Something that makes you more you. The only thing that’s changed in my heart is that it’s lighter. Knowing that you will be happier.”

Uncertain steps, face upraised to a storm swollen sky

There is a dance that rages through my bloodstream
Demanding steps be taken
Demanding music and light
Demanding quiet whispers and moans

It filters through my skin
Permeates every cell
Binding closer and close

Passion reminding us to live
To risk all
For each turn of the wheel
Each shift of night into day
Leaves behind bones stripped bare
All meaning carried along in pockets grown swollen

And still
Buried in the choices we’ve stuffed ourselves full on
Crappy breadsticks before the meal
The song calls

Discard the knives buried in flesh
The Flashfire and freeze
Remember but be light
Remember
And still brave the waters

And dance
Whole and broken
Joyous and bleakly
Dance
In grace and stumbles
But always
Always
In my embrace

Caramel to the tongue still hinting of spice

No bold blue yields its colors to the snap and wave of soft hands
Lost where softness breaks harsh words
Structures flake away yielding bare steel
Heat bending light to sinister purpose

Noises hinting distance
Wistful with haunted lungs
Wanted by the tracery
Feel blood course through capillary shunt
Sweet songs sung to unfinished completion

And I
And you
And choosing