I fear these things I feel
For when I felt them before
They preceded the fall
The point where my emotions
My desires cause them to pull back
The point where all that could have
Came crashing down
Month: February 2018
Retreat to oblivion
Distance spreads us thin
Quiet becomes the perforations
Dripping blood like slow plops
A silent rain
Heartfelt goodnights
Heart emojis
And the too loud rush of blood
No rest for depression
No arms to hold
No eyes to see me
Just this distance
And the soft sound
Of my own breathing
Rhymes with doormouse
Hearts race
Setting pace
For longstanding victory
Last place
Disappeared without trace
Lost to a memory
Shadowed face
Devil’s grace
Blood fountain from artery
Give me some space
Madness gives chase
Hats off to mercury
Long slow breathes
Simple words fail
Simple actions at distance
Shared minutiae
Becomes shared life
I’ve only ever wanted
For you to be happy
Song of the Day
For the last 2 days I’ve had Elton John’s Rocketman in my head but I wake this morning and in pops an even catchier tune
Hollow empty
I’m a desolate heart basking in the afterglow of hope
Tattered dreams snapping in the hot desert wind
Comfortablely cursed
Life is an amazingly stupid and puzzling place. When we aren’t just trying to survive, we are held back by our pasts and stuck on stutter concerning our futures. We hear what people think about us but don’t really listen to what they are saying. We second guess our desires and dreams and try for the more practical path.
Fuck. I’m no exception to all of this. My past haunts me. People state things all the time but I don’t let them influence me. Both bad and good.
But damn, we need to all just admit to ourselves at least that retreading old paths doesn’t work. Comfort is a luxury, yes. But it’s also a trap. We stay in our bubbles of comfort and when some possibility of something we’ve always wanted presents itself we weigh the possibility of achievement against the possible loss of comfort.
And I understand. I get it. Comfort is comfortable. But ask yourself, am I going to regret not doing this? Not taking this chance? Not taking this action?
Believe me. The actions you take can lead to horrible consequences. But the things that keep you up at night. The things that truly haunt you. They are mostly tied to the actions you don’t take. The path that you wanted more than anything but allowed yourself to be dissuaded by comfort. By good enough.
No one wants to be the one who holds you back. Unless they are selfish assholes who only have their own self interest. Which is most people. I’ve been told that I’m weird in this regard.
In regards to myself, I have as hard a time as anyone with this. With the exception that I’ve structured my life to not allow me to hide. And because of how my mind functions, I can get away with that.
But in regards to my people, I have no issue with sacrifice for them. I get alot back from the people who I consider mine. All wonderful people. But I try to give as good as I get and would sacrifice for them. Because, that’s what being someone like me is all about. We take care of our people.
I’ve wandered a bit off topic.
We need to take the risk that defines us.
For me, that means working towards the goal of being with the people who are in my heart. And one person in particular.
For others it’s something else. But find that something, work towards it,and never settle for merely comfortable when all you desire could be right there at the next step.
Life with schmoopy
Wanting for that moment
When eyes open and the dreams of our lives together fade
And there you are
And I pull you close
And whisper
This is the moment I’ve been dreaming of all of my life.
Now that I have you, I’ll never let you go
Valentine’s Song 4
Bittersweet Joy
A tension in the sussura,
Murmurs, Conversations in the quiet
Too low to be heard too loud to be ignored
Proud but not confident
Sing to me of inhibition
Of choices not taken
Chances not chanced and hopes not hoped
Breathe me in your minutes
Borne of the differences,
Joy in the turning
Song threads
Piercing, hollow, hallowed heart
Sing to me of beginnings
Of songs ending
Of the quiet
Sing and in silence
Lost voice
Lost dream in the turning