The inevitability of living

The death toll is rising. And people in my communities are lying to themselves about its lethality. They lie from ignorance. From fear. Living in a deep state of denial and hopeless despair.

The ones who aren’t lying share memes and try to be informed and they are wearing masks. Trying to do everything, to get everything right.

It’s heartbreaking to watch.

For me, it’s not the deep tragedy of the dying. Which I see. I feel. But it’s not what wrenches my soul.

I’m steeped in death. I know its grip. I know its measure. Death is the brother who walks beside me. Waiting to embrace me when I end.

We all end.

What brings tears to my eyes is all of the people who haven’t been had to form bonds with death. Who are lost and can’t see past this. They keep looking for the mythic safety. The mythic future. And set themselves up to burn out. To collapse. They keep celebrating momentary triumph. And each time tragedy steals back that triumph they break a little bit more.

They are not in a place where they can hear what I would say.

So I’ll say it here. For whoever is still listening.

Life exists in the small moments of joy. It is only in the ever present now that we are. That is the only place you can be in for now. Listen to music contrary to a bleak mood. Turn off the news as much as possible, their job is to sell fear.

Once you have done all that you can. Let the rest go. It’s extremely difficult to acknowledge the lack of control. But try anyway.

And to the Nurses and Doctors and other Healthcare professionals, I know you’ve been taught that you save lives. That is where your heart is.
But what you really do is give people more time. Sometimes there is no time left. Sometimes that’s another hour. Sometimes it’s the rest of their life.

You are burning yourselves up, trying to win an unwinnable war. You can’t change the battle. So you must change the objective.

I know how unhelpful this feels. Let it sit with you. It’s a hard lesson to learn.

Nerves jumble on the tip of a tongue

Sitting on the uneven ground
Looking out the sun blind window
Life exists out there in the trembling blue
Waiting for the reach
The grab

Holding on the hardest part
Pulled or pulling
Hard to find that balance

Building a life when age has allowed us to build These esoteric edifices
Tear it all down?

Or try to find spaces in each other

Life out in the blue
Yearning for the shiver of home

Celebration of the dying flame

In the summer dreary
I wake from dreaming, leary
Living in a haze of before

Last looks leave me reeling
Last words etching
Seven years to be free

Stride into winter
Calling out the world to come
Reborn in the cold expanse

One second to collapse
That small puncture
Leaking air

Give me a moment to breathe
Never let me go
Never hold me enough
What’s one more day

One more day
In an eternity of without

Democracy and humanity

Democracy has fallen into the trap of all power. It’s become about the wielder of power not about the people.

The idea of democracy is an ideal. It is a hope that giving the people a voice and a choice would motivate them to build a better world not just with other political bodies but with each other. To create connections to each other which would transcend the tribal(us vs them) and become a collective we. Thus we the people. It clings to the idea that the individual can both work towards their own goals while attempting to give others the best chance at good.

But it is here that is the first danger. What is good for me, individually, may be dangerous or disastrous for others.

The second danger is that of the collective. As people grow in numbers, in groups, it is less and less that the logical or those with ideas are leaders and more about charisma and how many people can you sway to your way of thinking.

The first was fought by creating the position of a representative who will take the idea of the collective good and represent that idea to create laws and a nation. With the understanding that failure to represent the will of the individuals who elected them will result in their being replaced. But the hope was that this representative would act in the best interests of the people. Not just give them what they said they wanted. In fact, it’s a bad idea to give people exactly what they want. Our stories are littered with the consequences of doing just that. The destruction of acquiring what we want is recounted over and over. It was the hope that a representative would see what we need to get some of what we want and work towards that.

But we are humans. And representatives almost immediately split into factions and those factions began to shape laws which benefitted those in power. Themselves. While occasionally throwing some bits and pieces to the groups that got them there. Those representatives gave power to these factions to enhance their own power but instead stripped themselves of the autonomy which allowed them the freedom to operate in both their own and their constituents best interests. Instead owing allegiance to the party rather than the people.

So the first danger falls prey to the second and we are thrust back into factions. And worse, we become beholden to them for identity. Because we as humans are swayed by what we are included into rather than a greater idea of self. Most people just want to live lives which are just hard enough to be interesting but not so difficult that there is struggle. So they allow others who want that power, want that struggle to become their rulers.

The only benefit in a democracy is that sometimes people can be motivated enough to act in their best interests and vote to remove those causing them harm. Stripping them of power.

But here is where the faction comes into play. By excluding other voices from the election and allowing only those who they know will act in good faith for their interests. Parties are the very definition of special interest groups yet are always pointing outside themselves at the other.

I don’t have a solution. Because this is extremely complicated and how do we create a system which both minimizes and weaponizes human self interest while allowing for the human need to be a part of a group without giving control to that group while giving enough power to make decisions which will effect other people.

Democracy is fucked up. But it must be ruthlessly preserved even against itself. And it must be brutally examined. Are your ideas for all of the people or only for your self interest? Do you act because you must for the greater good or because it will please your party or your friends? We must be willing to accept that other people and other ideas may be better than our own or our groups and work towards a common good.

This increase(some would say, inevitable increase) in factional power undermines the goals of democracy. And the thought may be to outlaw factions but I would counsel against driving factions underground. It is much easier to fight what you can see.

My hope is that people who seek office will use the parties to gain access to power then use that power against the factions in the interest of the entire group they represent rather than merely for those who elected them.

Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic.

Anxiously awaiting a serving of Lame-Duck

What is left but lament
Just heart shredding
Broken palace dreams
False information
Base instinct howl
Somber truth
Laying awake
Fear grips the heart
The end of everything
The end of the world

Hearts convinced
Convicted with the power
The beaten
The shamed
A nation of broken dreams
Of hopes made false
Failure unacceptable
When you are infallible
Incite the riot
The war
Slipping out the back
Suitcases full of the gullible
One more failure
One more bankrupt venture
Time to move on
To the next grift

What this lifestyle means

Identifying oneself as a Dominant in Bdsm is not about the bedroom door component. If that is all that someone can think about, that’s a red flag. At best it means that they are for fun but are not a relationship. At worst it means that they are an abuser who is drawn to the idea of a “willing” victim.

No. A Dominant creates a mental safe space so that their partner is free to drop the burden of being in control. Of being the person who is responsible for themselves and those around them. It is taking the care to make their hearts and minds feel inviolate. To feel as if they can and will be taken care of.

There are bedroom door aspects but those are private. That is what the bedroom door means.
If someone disrespect your privacy in this regard, either by leaping to a conclusion or ‘researching’ on the internet as a way of attacking what you have said…then it should be addressed as a privacy violation.

I see being a Dominant as being a part of my being. It’s not a hobby or an interest. It is a part of my soul.
It is part of what allows me to navigate through the world. A bedrock principle.

That is why I talk about it. Why I am open about it. Why I write and post about it. Because, to me, hiding a piece of my soul is a wound that will not close. What is hidden cannot be healed. Cannot become strength. Cannot grow in healthy ways.

So I have the talking points of what it means. Publicly. To take care of and give space to someone you love and care for. To give them the freedom to let go of control and just be. Which I know is anathema to some. And I know it’s where misunderstanding creeps in. Because, they can always tell me stop. And stop is inviolate.
It is a way of being and communicating when it is at its best.

But, private questions are private.