Better a dirge than bitter silence

devolution of appetite yearning for the next pointless acquisition bleeds into limbs
Lifting and depositing eager avarice into wet red clacking maw
Small voices screaming for surcease
Unheeded and ignored
Self destruction made simpler than devotion
Placed pointless to gain ground
Stolen places and time
Daily resolutions
False hopes as it all slips away
Holding too tightly
All dreams

Sleep filled eyes, dreams on my tongue

My mind lives in a dream
Where love heals and hope is sweet
It flashes pictures of me
holding people I love
Of smiles and our closeness

But I’ll wake soon
Look about and know
Dreams are bitter
Their sweetness lays in lying
In the building of maybe into occurence

But I’ll rise soon
Heart woken
Knowing even through broken
What was may never be
What is cannot be known
And what will be

But it will hurt
Even if wonderful
It will be a beginning
It will be an end

Lost in mists, hoping for the sun

Pain in not knowing is phantom
It fills and forms in shapes of fear
It billows and morphs
No minute is sacred
No place is safe
It travels with
Unseen until the strike

Love dances unbidden
Hand in hand with terror
A child of innocence
Unknowing in simple minutes
Flash fear

Physical distance of if only’s
Choices made for future
Keeps us from
Those last steps to freedom

What is wanting in the surity of her savage kiss

Some thoughts violate pleasures
Some boil and seethe looking for fertile ground
Waiting to grow flowers which bloom blossoms heavy with blood
Dark ponders
Desire wars with decency
Losing and winning
Who can tell when the lash falls
Split grin
All the horror of imagination
Given freedom
By a Whispered
By the knowledge
Her only limit
How far I’m willing to go

When memories thought inviolate slip away beyond reach

Feeling broken for no particular reason
No glaring signal saying this is the red flag
This is where the healing will begin
Instead just hurting
Just a bag full of empty
Spilling out over symptoms
The endless seeking of distractions
Anything to not think except in those moments between cease and sleep
Where all that was held away comes crashing down through paper walls which held it at bay
Thin constructs fooling myself that this is a normal life and these are normal activities
Fundamentally seeking but burned out from the search
Looking for a reprieve but places aren’t safety
Just defensible rooms
People have ever been my succor
Holding and taking care of those I love heals me
Keeps me going to the point where you say you want to see my darkness
But become Mired in light
Because the darkness retreats when my love is allowed expression
Wrong to say it’s gone but it retreats to lurk and wait in ambush
Too tired to even think about suicide
Instead yearning for sex, something passive, to be done to me while I curl and cry
Anything just to feel more than empty
I’ve been seconds from the ledge, one steps from jumping and still this all consumption of emotions is worse
This endless expanse of nothing
Stretched borders making for the treeline
Drowning in the blood of mourning
Lost without her Yes or Sir
Masters have demons too
Ours just seem like controlled because they are control
Perfection is a lost art
Artists lost in the false storms of embrace
A yes away from hell or salvation
One more chance
One more piece broken
One more piece of jagged glass
Still capable of cutting me free

Crystalline disappearance in the first rays of dawn

Bitter ache slips down veins into bone
Dull burn on tip of tongue
Speech crashes
Silent breaks as frost
Capillaries widen
Panic or heartbreaking
Slow catching of breath
Split between hoping for one or the other
Begins the endings
And rusted wounds
Weep iron shavings
Last memories fading

Knives of jade spill blood as beauty

Curved sinuous
Turned crystalline
Cuts tongue
Choked words spill onto bloody snow

Hand caresses soft skin
Warmth blooms
Frozen over

Cracked slough
Weights too heavy to bare
Fall away

Pepper frozen blood
Shrapnel burst
Flayed of protective cover

Hopeful anew
Slowly dying
In the brittle
Bone chill
Of morning
Long before the dawn

Streams burst and bloom and fall

How can I feel as if I know exactly who I am and still feel completely lost
In one moment
Like I stand astride mountains
Seeing with my heart entire
Seeing the wind blow and knowing exactly how it will feel against my skin the split second before contact

And in others
Like hope was a flame that instead of burning out
Was quenched too soon and instead of ashes awaiting rebirth
We have a sodden mess of maybe and might haves

In moments
I unfurl
Like a puzzle box
Panels opening
Revealing concealed truths
Exposed and unabashed

And others
I fall wings clipped
Yearning for the crash that ends it all

What I want
Is not destined for my arms

And tears fall as blood
From the broken places
From the memory of
When I soared
From those moments
When we were possible

The world ends and begins, in hope, in blood, in love

Every night feels long
Tossing and turning
Waiting for words to come

Today is the Winter Solstice. Today the strength of night surges and fades. Today winter wakes and reaches forth its hand.

Today it all ends and maybe begins again. The spent fury of transition.

Today is a day of relunctance. Wanting one more hour of sleep. Reaching out across dreams. Hoping to give a moment of peace.
Feeling unsettled and anxious.

Today is a day of contemplation. Of enacting last strategies. And setting last pieces on the board.

Today is the winter solstice.
Today night surges and fades.
Today Winter unfurls and spends its fury on the world