Deuce and Seven off suit, all in at the river

I hate this person I am right now
This open wound
Seething pain
Raw and stretched thin
Reacting to any touch with Claws and fangs

I hate tears coming unbidden
Out of control and over the top
Like threads pulled free from stiches
Spilling out every hurt

I hate this semblance of ok
This cold regard that slips in
This quavering uncertain voice
Sobbing and breaking
Caught between strength and weakness
With no hope

Not even a sliver of future
Turn of the dice
Roll of the wheel
Spin of the cards
The Tower
The Tower
The Tower
Unheeded

Once forgotten
The old wounds
Knife sharp

Treading over familiar ground
Roads carved in blood

Resonant on the frequency of attenuation

Listening to the background hum
Silence an impenetrable barrier
Hear the rush of blood
Muted cotton closing in
Numb
One too many traumas
Like shock but with less bemusement
Everything normal saying it’s anything but
Something shattered can be mended
Something broken can be healed
Gilt gold edges fixing cracks
But missing,
Or dust and shadows
Complicated makes one long for false rainbows of simpler times
False memories easier than this sound
Of nothing

Wind bends the branch, leaf dances

Curve of smile
Dancing in eyes
Mouth forbidden and taunting
Touch of skin
Scant moments away
Like waking from a dream of without
Running away or to
So scared that who I am will be the end
Staying true but flexible to winds fate
Hating the necessity of not walking arm in arm
Listening to your headphones
Wondering what makes you dance
Take a few steps with me in joy
Want to shout my heart to the wolves
Baying hello across desert
Give in to the passionate frenzy
A heart broken and blooming
Dripping petals onto tongue
Taste the beat of my heart

A reasonable facsimile of happiness painted in viscera

There are days where my bones are bells chiming discordance
Heart aching days where silence is my only defense through silent screams and sobs
Ugly crying trying to expel the pain of being
Feeling it catch in my throat
Too big to let go of

Days where all the pain is masked by being tired
Sleepless nights looking for escape
Unwilling to take what feels like maybe the only option
But knowing it’s a lie
That success is failure
That failure is one more chance
… To be something other than lonely

I’m a bag of broken clattering together
Making music that soars and sings
All from the painful pieces
Cut open
Hoping this time
This time
To be
Free

Thinning veil breaches all distance

This furious fire
Coiled serpent lashing out
Looking for whomever hurt you
Wronged you

Encircling you
In passion
In protection
If you want it

Or just us fires together
Looking for new places to burn
Waking in the ash and dust
Rekindled

Each day fires wake
I’m the blade
No mistake
Make

Coiled flywheel passion
Spinning up
Building even as energy
Is expended

Exploration
each precious thought
Pressed to lips and tongue
Tasting

Purr, purr
My Kat
I burn
Mind turned
Eyes set
Mine

Breathing too heavy air scraping shallow scars

Twisted fingers entwined through time
Dancing dreams scream the bereft
Last chance echoes slip behind curtain
Called by your voice
Accent makes me climb the walls
Prisoner of our times
Deliberate voice raised in song
Unheard in distance
Wistful by the wishful
Care for the casket
Drum beats exhorting abandon
Too still to be seen
Control gives in to silence
Weeping hearts begging to be loosed
Never was a simple thing
Love which beats wings against cages
Saline trails through grimes soaked skin
Wishing tears were bullets
Watching the disintegration
Loosed arrow
No missive massive enough to wake the lobotimized
Asleep by choice
Stress flakes away hard won demilitarized zone
Refuge in your arms
Head on my shoulder
Old habits waking
Muscle memory creeks hoping its recall is sound
Torn

And base truth
That all I want is you in my arms
Your voice speaking truths in my ear
Our hearts beating faster
Safe
And loved.

Candy crinkle bonfire stirs once cold heart

Somber reflection lingers too long
Trailing fingers slender with longing
Through water caught twixt one breathe and the next
Yawn thoughtfully
Pondering skin
Watching in wakeful yearn
Steps distant that still
Too far
Hands move forward toward
But stop ere flesh yields to simple caress
No time like the present
Only place all wrong
…in heart flutter deep resonance
…”With you, all places are right.”
And only conviction keeps
To furtive looks
Soft smiles
With bedroom eyes
see the sleep but not the flame beneath
But I
And you
Know
We but look for a place to burn

Long slow fall to the cold stare of the middle distance

These long hours of silence
Of hearing white noise hearts and swift blood
Attenuation
Feeling cotton abrasion from old cloth pressed down against skin
The soft of new starched straight yet pliable
These textured off white walls and bed splashed crimson hoping to wake in core some semblance of joy

But the quiet stretches out
And too tired soul
Weary from fighting for smiles and hopes
Falls to knees
Beaten without solace

The shiver as hair raises against skin pushing out
Adrenaline wanting nothing more than a few minutes until exhaustion leads its way through collapse
The beckoning oblivion of sleep
To dream of lives unlived
To be for those few minutes happy

An edifice collapsing under the weight of its needs
Too much for any person to sustain
That subtle lack of home
While house stands

Places feel so empty
Without

Sipping heartsblood on the razors edge

When I feel the fear perching in the back of my chest
tongue lolling out of gargoyle visage
heart pumping adrenalin darts
I lean in
embracing the pain and fall.

This hot prickle constricting air in lungs
eyes bouncing looking for a way out
until I take that action that makes me feel like screaming and hiding and running all at the same time
then it tramps down to quivering smiles and anxious waiting
cause
as ever
my fears are bound up in the uncertain possible of what someone else will say when I ask or say that thing that scares even me
waiting for the Yay or nay like a gladiator looking at the crowd
waiting to be butchered or to live for a few minutes more