What is wanting in the surity of her savage kiss

Some thoughts violate pleasures
Some boil and seethe looking for fertile ground
Waiting to grow flowers which bloom blossoms heavy with blood
Dark ponders
Desire wars with decency
Losing and winning
Who can tell when the lash falls
Split grin
All the horror of imagination
Given freedom
By a Whispered
Yes
By the knowledge
Her only limit
How far I’m willing to go

When memories thought inviolate slip away beyond reach

Feeling broken for no particular reason
No glaring signal saying this is the red flag
This is where the healing will begin
Instead just hurting
Just a bag full of empty
Spilling out over symptoms
The endless seeking of distractions
Anything to not think except in those moments between cease and sleep
Where all that was held away comes crashing down through paper walls which held it at bay
Thin constructs fooling myself that this is a normal life and these are normal activities
Fundamentally seeking but burned out from the search
Looking for a reprieve but places aren’t safety
Just defensible rooms
People have ever been my succor
Holding and taking care of those I love heals me
Keeps me going to the point where you say you want to see my darkness
But become Mired in light
Because the darkness retreats when my love is allowed expression
Wrong to say it’s gone but it retreats to lurk and wait in ambush
Too tired to even think about suicide
Instead yearning for sex, something passive, to be done to me while I curl and cry
Anything just to feel more than empty
I’ve been seconds from the ledge, one steps from jumping and still this all consumption of emotions is worse
This endless expanse of nothing
Stretched borders making for the treeline
Drowning in the blood of mourning
Lost without her Yes or Sir
Masters have demons too
Ours just seem like controlled because they are control
Perfection is a lost art
Artists lost in the false storms of embrace
A yes away from hell or salvation
One more chance
One more piece broken
One more piece of jagged glass
Still capable of cutting me free

Crystalline disappearance in the first rays of dawn

Bitter ache slips down veins into bone
Dull burn on tip of tongue
Speech crashes
Shattered
Silent breaks as frost
Capillaries widen
Panic or heartbreaking
Slow catching of breath
Split between hoping for one or the other
Begins the endings
And rusted wounds
Weep iron shavings
Last memories fading

Knives of jade spill blood as beauty

Exhale
Curved sinuous
Turned crystalline
Cuts tongue
Choked words spill onto bloody snow

Hand caresses soft skin
Warmth blooms
Frozen over

Cracked slough
Weights too heavy to bare
Fall away

Pepper frozen blood
Shrapnel burst
Flayed of protective cover

Hopeful anew
Slowly dying
In the brittle
Bone chill
Of morning
Long before the dawn

Streams burst and bloom and fall

How can I feel as if I know exactly who I am and still feel completely lost
In one moment
Like I stand astride mountains
Seeing with my heart entire
Seeing the wind blow and knowing exactly how it will feel against my skin the split second before contact

And in others
Like hope was a flame that instead of burning out
Was quenched too soon and instead of ashes awaiting rebirth
We have a sodden mess of maybe and might haves

In moments
I unfurl
Like a puzzle box
Panels opening
Revealing concealed truths
Exposed and unabashed

And others
I fall wings clipped
Yearning for the crash that ends it all

What I want
Is not destined for my arms

And tears fall as blood
From the broken places
From the memory of
When I soared
From those moments
When we were possible

The world ends and begins, in hope, in blood, in love

Every night feels long
Tossing and turning
Waiting for words to come

Today is the Winter Solstice. Today the strength of night surges and fades. Today winter wakes and reaches forth its hand.

Today it all ends and maybe begins again. The spent fury of transition.

Today is a day of relunctance. Wanting one more hour of sleep. Reaching out across dreams. Hoping to give a moment of peace.
Feeling unsettled and anxious.

Today is a day of contemplation. Of enacting last strategies. And setting last pieces on the board.

Today is the winter solstice.
Today night surges and fades.
Today Winter unfurls and spends its fury on the world
Today
I
Am

Twin well springs join into a stream

The wind blows and the clatter sound of leaves fades to the soft shush but if I listen closely I hear the
Snap
Snap
Of leaf against leaf
Close in it must sound like a war
But in this distance
It’s only beauty

The rain falls and the pound of drops fades to the white noise which lulls so many to sleep but if I listen closely the
Pop
Pop
Of drops slamming into the ground at 9.8 meters per second per second
Close in sounds like a battle
But safe in my bed
It’s only dreams

Her voice sings and the tones that, in unfamiliarity say other, fades into the honeyed tones which tug me out of my reverie but if I listen closely the
Twang
Twang
Of tones bouncing in register
Close in sounds like the other
But in my heart
I hear only love

How do I explain that I hear both at the same time, see the sides and choose which piece to speak on?
But never forgetting that I’ve seen both, I just choose
Beauty

Slow drip of silence fades a beating heart

Each minute leads to another
And another
And another
And I can’t tell if that’s good or bad
Or if it matters
Since I keep showing up
And wondering if doing so is worth it

There used to be reasons
And people
Touches and promises
Words that seemed like they meant something

Used to think that I understood
Used to move with purpose
When my belief was that tomorrow wouldn’t likely come
Because when tomorrow is uncertain
Only now matters

But I’m past those red brick buildings
Which reeked of copper and still water
Past the places where beginnings end

Now uncharted
Three acts beyond final curtain
Just keep dancing
Wondering if the roads traveled
Have so imprinted

Become just one more scenic road
Never leading its way home

The wind shifts, stark storm breaks

Wind gives way to whispers
Silent voices dripping soft words
Rush of blood from pounding heart
Obscura
Soft details
Bend and flake
Desperate reality
Senses fill
Can’t quite make the disconnect
Between action and consequence
Peeled tongue
Skinned knuckles
Anything to feel
Oppressive weight of empty

Slipped away
Stagnate pain shifting
Her smile wipes it away
But in remembrance
In truth
The falseness of this hope
Bleeds out faster than blood

And still
I know
It was real

There are shadows in the world and I am one of them

Only in the places between do I feel comfortable
Not quite city
Not quite wilderness
Not yet night
Not yet dawn
Stuck in a moment of transition
Changing
Re forming
Again and again
Putting the pieces back together in new configurations
Hoping each time
To find myself
In that easy camaraderie
That fierce ease
That kiss of proclamation
Not just that you are mine but that I am yours
Dash and damn consequences or barriers
To choose
To step fully into light or darkness
But here I am
On the periphery
Not by my choice
But
Perhaps
By my hand