Weighted value judgment

Sounds spill out
No words make sense
Jumbled sounds said with a smile
The laugh
The grin
Comrades in arms
Disappear at the end of the day
Long silences filled with memes
With fake people and their fake problems
Mirror reflecting stoic
While a heart aches
That basic human touch
Long departed
Unshed tears war with skipped heartbeats
Sitting in the restaurant that I can’t afford
Anything to stop from hearing
The ticking of the air conditioning
In these too silent spaces
Without you

Jumbled circumference

It was always going to be this
This downward slope
Packed away
Put away
Show the rose
Thorns pricked bloody
Smell enticing
Too cloying
Choke on actions
Drown in sweet words
Cut off
Bound by a promise
Tongue cut out
Mumbling half heard
Pneumatic hammer
Driving out all thought
Echo
Echo
No safety in fear
No safety
Lake bubbles seathe
Heat vents below the surface

It was simpler then

I called this clarity
I called it sanity
It’s a barren empty
A field of endless days

Longing for more
Am I longing to feel
….
Anything

Is this my addiction
To pain
To joy
Or is this what I felt

Without the hope
Of a tomorrow
And now I’m self aware enough
To realize it

Some days other people are an agony
Fidget to get free
But even that’s better than sitting alone
There’s no freedom

My choices have led me here
To this barren earth
This windswept empty
Bereft of everything
Even fear

What’s left when even fear is gone

Joy is a thing of blood and bone
My heart is full of dust and memories
What fool would want a piece of pain
Drink my tears and end with sand

On this shattered plain
Beneath this bowl of sky

Journey’s end

Empty from caring
Stumbling forward so fast it feels like walking
Day by day
Distance grows from the cliff edge
No fear of falling
Jaw ache from clenching
No tongue holding
Stress fractures manifesting during sleep
Distraction and the closed doors
No windows
Just empty walls
Sitting
Waiting for secret truths
Paths forward bloom
Stark in the emptiness
Bursting with life
But still
Reaching out
Trembling hand
No touches
Last chances
Blown away on the desert wind

Vague wandering

Drunk on memes
Not quite living
Hopes bounce as pinball
around my brain

Stupid brain
Thinking that there is hope
Finding instead
Dirt filled holes of empty

Drug into the muck
Wanting to kiss you
Wanting some way forward
Brain stuck in loving you

Can’t downshift
Forward is all I’ve got
Past is dead chrysanthemums
And empty chrysalis

Life drives forward
Leaving hearts behind
In there uncertainty
Left to make choices that have moved

But still stuck
Some piece of me
Waiting on a maybe
Stuck in this loop

Sadness and recrimination
Bitter pills to swallow
Lies and half truths
Bound by oaths

Spoken and promised
But only I remember
And you
Wait in silence for words I am forbidden to speak

Shackled by an honor
Few understand