Drift slow turn
Air passes against
Caress glides
Nerve ends fire
River rush
Pulse against tongue
Mingle scent
Nothing betwixt
Rythym syncs
Tides turn
Silk and heat
Low growl
Slow ache
Unquenched flame
Spilling out
Building higher
Snap catch
Nuclear fire
Twin suns
Never parted
One passion feeds
Another grows
In eternal shift
Nothing remains
But you
love
Down on the lo fi, wake in the high life
Take my hand
One step forward
I’ll hold the line
Not going back
To that before fore time
We’ll fight this together
We’ll forge a new ‘line
Just one step forward
Riding the decline
Take you to my house
Strip it to the bone
We’ll build it together
Make this place a home
You’re my forever
My place in the sun
Just take this step forward
I promise
We’ve just begun
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Bitter tear Symphony
Friends who are family is all I’ve ever wanted
They slot into my soul like puzzle pieces
Energistic connection which makes everything feel
…
All right
The last 2 years have been harder than I thought would be possible
Harder especially since my family
The family I chose
Had been breaking apart
I lost two people to just life and distance and time
We are droplets running like a river
Believing us to be strong
Till one thing
And another
Drive the point home
We weren’t a river
Just drops
Held loose in a semicrystalline state
Always destined to break apart
I thought my years of isolated broken would serve as a deterrent to heartbreak
But it turns out that once you are healed enough
Those wounds are no longer haunting
Nor familiar
The carve in
Old sites long scarred
Past by in favor of fresh flesh
I’ve built this network of people I love
And as the pandemic drags on and on
I realize that the illusion of self
Is just that
Without my family of choice
I am diminished
And nothing can take the place of the pack
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Shared silence
Wanting what I cannot have
Distance too far
Daylight too short
Wishing each day
Hoping for a new tomorrow
That ache in the heart
Hoping to hear your voice
Less than a day away
More than a lifetime
Waiting
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Thoughts filter from the ether in the dark of morning
We all want the fairy tale. The one that says that we’ll find perfect love and be happy. But chasing that dream just results in ashes in the mouth. There is no perfection. No dream. Fairy tales are full of blood and betrayal. And we forget that. Bound instead to the spun sugar fantasy that modern cinema and Disney has spoon fed us.
There are people who are good for us. Who would be companions. Who would walk beside us in our slow boat to the end. But our brains are filled with the thinly veiled rot. And when things get hard…and they always get hard…many of us bail. Looking to that false sunrise over the horizon.
Of course, if the hard is abuse, then get out as soon as you can. Leaving them dead in your wake if neccesary. Just dispose of the body. Have a plan. Because our justice system is bullshit.
But from that digression, instead focus on what’s real. Not some thinly veiled possible. Find the people who love you. Stand up and beside them.
Life is hard. Alone, its impossible. At least long term.
But be real. Have the hard discussions. Get on the same page. Figure out what works. Love each other.
Nothing else is as important.
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Within the circle of arms
Give me your mouth
So full of promise and blood
Pain dancing on silent tongue
Give me your hand
So full of strength and softness
Life beating in the feel of your wrist
Give me your body
So full of wicked and blessed
Pleasure burning through veins
Give me your mind
So full of fear and loss
Safe measure found at last
Give me your heart
So full of love and dark
You are, at last, home
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Always and again
A winter wind soothing aches long held
Pains fade in the embrace
Soft words give way
To wine red embraces
Wild, not with the folly of youth
Instead of the knowing
Of self
And each other
Tears
Confident
Wild
Bear down the trials
Gravity’s inevitability
When freed from the hazard
Of expectation
Of what is supposed to be
We may dance
Choose
And choose again
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Hold your arm in mine lest I fall
I find myself happy
Though no delirious thing
No cracked grin
Manic and fading
No simple contentment
Though perhaps contentment has been so far away that I wouldn’t recognize it
I find joy in the simpleness of being
The hush of night
The sounds of the heater
The far to silent room
Because the truth is that my happy has a hole in it
And it’s only that space of lack
Which informs the rest
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Advice no one asked for, nor will likely take
One should never wait for love.
It seems stupid to even say but we wait to say it. We wait for some sure sign that we feel it. We wait to see if they feel it too.
We wait. And we push it away because outside things say that its not the right time.
If it’s inside things. If you are working on yourself. To get yourself well; then fair enough.
But external things?
No.
Don’t wait. Love is as much an act of faith as it is a feeling. Tell them how you feel without expectation.
You’re feelings are yours. Not a burden for them to carry. But, true freedom is honest. And being honest even when you are scared is better than the alternative.
And it’s better to know. If they run or the relationship ends, then at least you know. And maybe the person you love next will be in the same place as you.
But you can’t know unless you say something.
Love is the truest thing we have.
Don’t run from it.
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Measured on the dark expanse
We exist on the shores of love
Waiting to drink deeply
Sometimes wandering away
Lost and without purpose
Lonely in the way that only those who have truly known love can be lonely
Lost without hope
Having first known its touch
We build homes
Lives
Drinking slight or deep
Always knowing that someday
Whatever we do
However we try
Love will leave
We will be alone
That silence which weighs so heavy
Sometimes it’s too much
And we pass
Sometimes we heal from its lack
But always on the shore
Waiting
Hoping
Looking past the cold horizon
Footsteps that bring you home
Pelgris 