Bent penny dreams

lives too full of living
Look for some future to slow down
Breaking ourselves apart
To gain a moments respite
We cost ourselves a life
Hours of days spent in the service of the wealth of others
Gaining just enough to get by
Just enough to numb ourselves
To start all over again
I wish I could be the firebrand
Setting brush fires in fallow minds
But who has the energy
Revolution ends in destruction
In the creation of structures that resemble the same that were burned
What’s the point
Money, false scarcity, power and the indifference of those who have those things
Taxes?
Pay your people more
Top down doesn’t work
A wide base spending more does
Creating more
Having the time to invest in ourselves
In the creation of health
In the settling of unquiet minds
Enough money to not be afraid
That’s all we’re talking about

Rough woods yields form

So easy to lose in silence
Hollow silence where not even the echo of hearts beating faintly thrums
Distant words waiting for unsaid truths
Always hesitant
What point truth which digs dagger deep
Which burns a familiar cold
Almost like home
Like tired lines which snap shape
Which make you feel like control is there
Woefully unprepared for love
Without presence
Light bleeds blue
Too slow to see
Bleed violet
Who gets to see the space between
Where pain is just what is
And hope is just words written on leaves
And tossed out
Answers looking for questions
Homes looking for love

The blade draws its sigil

Skip time
Nightmare to nightmare
Hour to hour
Waking up to an empty bed
Staring at the clock
Each hour sliding past
Waking again and again
Each moment furthering from you
That nightmare which makes waking seem paradise
Confessions made to the empty air
Tears shed in agony
Refuge broken
Sleep fades
Time to get up
Time to cast against the wheel
Made to love
Made to break

Brain burns without hope of tomorrow

There is a distance as warm lethargy drags me down. Cupped hands hold, eyes shielded from the light
Loud voices drift in
Talking nonsense loudly
As if to convince their last neurons of their spent future parody of truth
Mind fades
Dreams spin up
Nightmare into nightmare
Anxiety dreams
Wake on the hour
But at least I can sleep this time

Dry river remembrance

I’m broke down tear streaked cold nosed sleep deprived humanity
In other words normal end of weekend depression
Having to go to work to earn that money to live another two weeks and spend enough to feel just a little bit in control of my pain addled life
Each day begging for an end only to stumble through my door and collapse into bed asleep
Waking up way too early
To roll the dice on forlorn hope
Fucked up that chance is the only solution that I can think of
Broken bone words splintered in forgiveness without the chance to heal
Slow decay
I’d give up I think
But I’d rather be if at all possible
In your arms

Sipping bitter wine by the sea

Woke up with a head full of pain and a heart full of turns
Dream lives of lonely and thirst
Of hopes found in destruction
Of ghosts made younger and love made whole
Spinning plate capitalism
Faster and faster
Before the shatter
Before instability robs us of even the illusion of control
Sad goosebump shiver
Brain flairs in pain
Followed into truth
False pretenses build bridges
The memory of a memory which itself flares into pain
Last pleasure stolen
Fateful illusion won’t you hold my hand
For want of you I’m dying by inches
Itching for command
Knowing the only command I’d give won’t be followed
Leadership dilemma
And behind it all
That bone deep ache we learn to bury
And a craving for lemon cake

All tomorrow’s become yesterday’s

It’s a new year
That’s what they say
A new year
Like the past is a slate wiped clean and what happened before can stop
Like the echoes that propel me forward have somehow lost momentum and I can just breathe for a second
A new year
What is that?
I remember a new year which I rang in party till dawn slightly tipsy remembered truths still wet on my lips
The year I started coming out
That night telling friends of friends and drinking and in the morning walking to my car and feeling that lightness of burdens dropped
A new year
Moments of perfect silence and perfect crystalline being that coincide with the calendars ending
A new year
Walking into the future as if each day weren’t a lifetime
As if each minute we choose not to speak, not to act, not to be weren’t themselves lifetimes drawn out as the moment glides past
As if yesterday wasn’t the future that I’m now living as if tomorrow weren’t the next beginning
A new year
Party if you wish and dance with yourself and bedamned to whether they are watching or not
Or snuggle in and hold them tight
Kiss softly, breathe deeply, love kindly
A new year