For my friend Em, May we find ourselves under unfamiliar skies. Sometimes rain is happiness, sometimes what we are looking for we’ve already found.
Yes…This is a happy song.
Author: Pelgris
Song of the Day
Share this:
Something happening
Did you ever get the feeling that you made a mistake? That you said something or did something that you did not see the consequence for? That it felt like the other shoe had dropped and you didn’t know why? I’m getting that feeling now. I wish I knew what had happened, wish I knew what I’d said, or done. Or what someone said that I have done or said. It’s the OR I find more likely. I can’t think of anything I’ve said or done that warrants what seems to be coming. Maybe I didn’t do something, that seems pretty likely. I’m notoriously bad at reading signals.
Share this:
Song For the Day
Share this:
Winter Solstice
Today we Morn.
Today is the last day of Nights Ascendancy.
We morn the return of the sun.
But just as the power of night fades, Winter’s might is unleashed.
Let all this night Tremble, on this longest night
On this day of Winter
Let the storm’s fury break and in the shattering
let night wake, Let winter Dance
Let Summer cower, for Winter is come!
Share this:
Emotional shotgun: feeling lonely during the holidays edition
I have dreamed a thousand lives and in each you are there. I’ve kissed you a thousand ways. Made love to you with word and skin. Fucked like beasts. Commanded and caressed. But in each, you will not stay. All I have learned, all the pleasures, the highs and the lows, all my knowledge I bring and still you walk away. I bare my soul and jump with my heart wide open, and still you walk away. And so I wake, because why live in the dreaming if I cannot be with you. I wake and try to find a way to another.
But I cannot get away from us. Why are you still single? Always that question. Always the answer, “That’s complicated.” Hoping they let it go, hoping to allow you to know me better before most of my secrets come spilling out.
I suppose I could lie. That’s the logical thing to do. But I can’t betray your memory. I won’t lie. So they hear a tale of sadness and pain and depression and that’s no way to get a second or third date. Yes, date.
Netflix and chill is bullshit. Even if we get to the point where sex is involved, I’m going to refer to those nights as the nights we fuck. Or better, as scene’s. Give me some emotional connection or give me a paddle in my hand. Preferably both.
A proper date. With dancing, with music, with conversation.
Fuck! You can see how bad I am. I’m all over the place even just writing about looking for a relationship.
Just shortcut it. If you like me, read me, and call me SIR and mean it. We’ll get there. Roll the dice. Make a move. My caution comes from a good place, it’s not lack of assertiveness.
Or ask me to text you, apparently I’ll ramble on and on.
Share this:
My version of a panic attack
My heart beats faster and the pain comes pouring out. The desire to end and the frantic need to be held and loved and told it will be all right. It’s my version of the more traditional panic attack. This shift to sudden sadness. And I need to isolate myself because I can feel the tears, the sobs coming and I can’t explain it without explaining everything I shouldn’t. All the secrets, all the truths that wait in the darkness, waiting to grab hold and twist their way out of me. That’s what it feels like. And I know that voice lies but it feels like truth. I feel so alone as my heart slams and the blood pulses. Just a touch from my love and it’ll quiet, but there’s been no one to do that in years. I’m just a broken doll. Discarded, discovered, then cast aside again for something better. There’s just this stretching of days and this nothing, this nothing, this nothing. Not enough to be loved, not enough for anyone. All chances fled. All hope denied. Not even sleep is a refuge when you remember your dreams.
Share this:
Broken heart
You want me but not me.
Me who’s better looking.
Me who’s more successful.
Rich me. Popular me. Fantasy me.
You want the poet but don’t want the pain. You want the torrent of desire but don’t want the flame.
You’ll warm yourself by my heartfire but won’t open your own.
I’m just a bandaid, a temporary distraction from your life.
And you tell yourself, he’ll be happy for the attention, that it’s all just a game.
But I’m falling in love, because my heart can’t learn this lesson, won’t do it, refuses to see.
Not all words are true, not the way you say them, that these words they speak without connecting to their heart.
And my heart only hears theirs beating and makes a castle of hope.
Share this:
Stream of consciousness – BDSM edition
When you say, “Sir”, it sends a frission through me. It ignites me like treated wood, builds burn to bright. My possession of you leads to possibilities of public and private. A touch to remind, a choker to mind, a corset to bind, harsh hemp rope making you mine. We are everyday. We are happy. You spark and burn when shocked and bled. My beautiful girl. Mine, mine mine, growl pours from lips to teeth biting clit. My need for you, my joy for you, each touch and sentence spoken, binding us closer. Commands become the choice of happiness and we move in tandem. You to hurt me as I command. My pain is pleasure and you are never denied. Passion pours from us in simple touch, the light in our eyes making truth where others see betrayal. We are blood and hope and fit together. The only thing improper is desire left to rot. But you hop and smile and say Sir. An exploration of boundaries, of each desire taken to the bleeding edge. Our comfort in the choices of each other. Of each other.
Share this:
Finding minutes
The cold seeps in
Tearing me open
A thousand words unsaid
Leaving flechette blooms
Heat rises
Blood flows freely
A thousand acts taken
Leaving indelible marks
Heart beats
Lips caress skin
A thousand choices
Leading me to you
Pelgris 