Author: Pelgris

Post solstice blues

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Present in the moment is as much curse as blessing.
With the future nothing more than a ephemeral dream, present becomes of such importance. And not being with those I would choose, who I have no idea if they would choose me, is like being shredded apart only to coalesce whole at the start of the day. Each minute is a new chance, and so each minute becomes a failure. Until the weight of such drags me down to dreaming. At least in oblivion, desire is fulfilled. Though only shadows as portent and memory fade.

After the winter solstice it all winds down. A clockwork spending its energy. This is the time most people wake and grow. This is the time that I fade.

Where my heads at

Pelgris13 Comments

I don’t want to wallow in misery propped up by others feeling horrible. I want to wallow in joy, exhultant in love. I want to dance with Em, sing with K, hold A, kiss everyone. I want joy and laughter. I’m so tired of things not working out. Of things being so complicated, of distance and acting responsibly, deliberately. It gets old, gets tiresome. Sometimes, I just want to scream my want. Not that doing so does any good but fuck, sometimes, something has to give

Inspiration on the edge of a blade

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We make our choices
Each one slaved to our voices
This pain is lossless
Format break me free

Hearts in chains
What do I know of acclaim
Accused of being heartless
Truth hidden in darkness

Break me free by enslaving me
Putting your needs in front of me
I’m in control but at a word it stops
It stops
It stops

This echo makes uniform ripples
And rules make it the sweeter
You’re all so distant but
Miles have no meaning when you say Sir

I’m the divisor of torments and salivations
Both
But my destruction is always a hairsbreadth from midnight

Waiting on words not spoken
Truths not muttered
And the question

And the question

Ask

I have only truth.

What silence brings 

Pelgris3 Comments

Hope held in cold hands long aching
Heart bled hot close to breaking
Silence holds ponderous minutes
Stretched out
Numb
Shattered

A word softly spoken
A touch longed for but not expected
Reality warms what hope stole

Song of the day

Pelgris3 Comments

I went looking for a song for the day, but nothing quite struck the right chord. I’m hopeful but tentative. I’m sure of my heart and desires but unsure about how those are perceived. I want to ask questions but am fearful of what those answers may be. I also was looking for something to uplift a give hope. I also think I’m seeing something but I’ve been wrong before and I don’t want to be wrong about this.

I almost picked Bastille – Flaws, because it speaks to our flaws but it also says that there is a hole in my soul, so close but not right. Maybe you have the right song? Tell me what song you like for the day.

Flying into the storm

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The sun sets but day only reluctantly gives ground 

Those I need are embraced by darkness before I am

So I hold to this light 

Because I know it touched them as I am unable 

But, do they read this, know that my desire seen is but the smoldering ash cone of a volcano hidden beneath the waves.