Sitting awake meaning to sleep
But I just sit here eyes closed
Thinking about tomorrow
But mostly I can’t sleep when I have things to say
It all pents up
Flowing out in this nervous energy
Keeps me awake
Keeps my mind churning
Over and over
Not exactly the best trait
To sometimes feel like you’re walking on spiky rocks
Needing to talk
And all that comes out is
“hey, 😁, good morning!”
Serious and happy
This is what I mean when I say
“I’m too much”
Too many things
Stupid things like
“I like you.” said too much
Words bubble out of my effervescent heart
It’s no wonder nothing lasts
Who could stand up to the onslaught of my feelings
And now we reach the heart of it
An anxiety attack that builds slowly
Reading, games, TV, kitties
Anything to not think
To not word vomit my heart out
That’s all that works
Other than being held
She rips me up
Just a text out of the blue
And she puts my whole world on tilt
Because she could have me or break me with a word
My could have been who never was
Who I fell so hard for
I left a cartoon like impression on the desert floor
A man shaped hole
I fell like a shooting star
And burrowed to earth
Flame kept alive in flickers beneath the surface
I gave up
Because I had to
Because sanity demanded it
But 3 words in a text
And no not those three words
And I’m right back at the beginning
She has me
But it fades
That’s almost harder than without
Almost harder than with
What could isn’t
What might be
Depends on her
And it won’t happen
You get what you get. You don’t get to dictate what someone will give you, no matter how much you need it. Though, if you are brave enough, you should ask. You never know what someone is willing to do if you don’t ask. Not everyone can see the signs you are putting out into the world.
Woke up empty
Feeling only that I should feel something
am I broken?
Or still breaking?
Or is this nothing, what normal feels like?
Did I lose my emotions in the maze of sleep?
Or have I been feeling so much for so long that my nerves are fried and just want a break?
The one thing I can’t do, is the one thing I want to, and its just like deja vu, but different.
Maybe that feeling takes me straight back to beginning and only this thinking is what’s keeping me going, but going where?
Into your arms or simply delusion?
These words that I speak in the hopes that they’re heard but fearing these words because words have consequences and I can’t stomach the thought of losing what is almost but never was.
These words that I speak get me to the heart where I’ve been hiding behind hoping, so much easier to say good morning than say…
I’m hurting are you hurting too?