been flushed away
left this barren dream
cold reality of moments stolen
dwindle and fade
reality bleeds the freedom away
lays broken on the wheel
the fool who refuses to walk away
love
Finite infinite
Afraid to speak, afraid to not speak
Just a step away from joy
Just a step away from despair
Existing halfway between heaven and hell
Reaching out to truth
Stretching to the infinite
But infinity is not you
And you
Are all that I want
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A year is long enough for perspective
You said you were fighting not to love me, as if this were some kind of compliment. How was I to feel when told that given the choice to fall and trust that I would catch you, keep you safe, you chose to stay on the ledge as I hurtled by? How was I to feel when told you did not trust me enough to allow yourself the chance to fall in love with me?
And here I am left in the desolation, just one more fool who fell in love, one more fool who having fell will remember you forever.
One more image, one more weight that will never leave my shoulders, one more cut branch on a ever-branching future, one more scar upon my heart.
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Five minutes ago
3 hours ago
You were crying
2 hours ago
I was concerned
One hour ago
We started talking
Fifty five minutes ago
I held you
Fifty minutes ago
I kissed away your tears
Fourty five minutes ago
You laughed
Fourty minutes ago
I grinned
Thirty five minutes ago
I reiterated my heart
Thirty minutes ago
You demurred
Twenty five minutes ago
I insisted
Twenty minutes ago
You accepted my words shyly, as you have before
Fifteen minutes ago
My friends smiled benevolently as I lost the thread of conversation, thinking of you
Ten minutes ago
I lifted your eyes to mine in fierce possession
Five minutes ago
I learned why you were crying
……….
……….
……….
……….
I spout neutral words
My world is blown apart like a sand castle on Omaha beach
I need to hold you, to tell you everything will be ok
I can’t bring myself to
Everything is different now
This physical and emotional distance
There is nothing I can do but support you
As you make a decision that effects every future
I’m paralyzed between hearts need to insist that you are mine and as long as that is even the tiniest bit true everything will be fine
between my minds insistence that this precarious place I occupied will be pushed aside if not out completely
between my magical selfs seeing of all the branching future’s and the truncated lines
between my empaths need to support your emotional needs
between, between, between
And if this is what I’m feeling, then what must the maelstrom of your heart and mind be
I wish it were as simple as me being your safe harbour
the insistence,
the need for nothing to change
Simple illusion as everything does
…..
…..
but I’ll hold here, I will never walk away from you
hopefully I’ll have words to say
hopefully I’ll know what to say
hopefully
Hope
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My Miss
I would rather be near you than be far
To be inside you, exploring the world
To feel you around me, to press fingers and tongue
I need to be inside, to share as much space as possible
to feel your heat, for you to feel mine
this need, this desire, to mark you as mine
to demonstrate to the world that you are free
but
This physical expression is just that
if it is not to be
then I know my thoughts will be curled in your mind
teasing you with the possibility of this life
That there is someone who wants you in ways you can only imagine
who needs you in ways you’ve never dreamed possible
who would delight in your freedom to persue your desires
and help you reach as far as you need to.
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Dream
I dreamed that I was at PAX. It was the final round of the Omegathon and me and my friends were up front watching. And we were talking about something or other when I get some information that this person, this woman that holds my interest and has for months, this amazing person who I would do nearly anything for might need help.. I find myself describing why I need to get to her. How she’s so important, that even though we are only talking and never met in person, she means the world to me. I say that I am going to her even though I don’t have the means, since I’m on vacation, at the end of it. I take off and get on the train, there are all these people I’ve known there and when I tell them that I’m going to go get this woman, who I then realize I love. My friend comes up and says that some of the Movers and Shakers at PAX heard me since we were so close to the stage and the they provided plane tickets and other things like a place to stay. Everyone is so happy for me except my parents. They hate the idea, they try to keep me from her and I call them out on the evil shit they’ve started to believe. We have a giant fight in full view of strangers and friends. They shun me, disown me. But it doesn’t matter. Only she matters. My friends offer me places to stay, give me support, all to help me get to her. I get on another train. I’m going to her. My heart happy and full. I don’t know what the future holds, but if she’s in it, I’ll be happy.
I’m not going to rescue her, the feeling is that we are rescuing each other. Or she is rescuing me.
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Quiet afternoon
Most moments are perfect
One bleeding to the next
Just looking to sit and watch the world spin down
And find you
and love you
and be
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Seven words
I’ll love you for a thousand years
You are always safe in my arms
I will never walk away from you
Magic is real, because I met you
I’ve looked for you all my life
Your beautiful mind is why I fell
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Point of departure
You think you have forever, that you will see them later, that you have time, but it’s just not true. The person that brightens your life today could be gone by the afternoon. Tell the people in your life that you love them, they could just as easily be gone tomorrow.
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The fiercest flame
The thought of her skin
The softness of her as my hands run over her
The feel of the hairs on her arms
Running fingers lightly over, barely touching
Teasing
The slap of leather to skin
The sound of her voice, whispering through my bones
Painfull moans
She kneels in first position, head bowed
I reach down, running hand along jawline
Tilt her lovely face to mine
“You are my very good girl”
Her smile, and her eyes, shining with pride
Her reply, “thank you, Sir”
My heart full to bursting,
Fierce pride, joy filling every inch
My submissive, my girl, my miss
Mine.
Pelgris 