The night bends itself, breaking its own heart open

What attention could I pay
Which would be welcome
Which would be kind
A strong drink
Drunk slow
Perhaps that will be our path
But I
Am too impatient
And quaff too deeply
Eyes going dark
Simple falter
And inner shouts say
Too much
It’s just a matter of time
Not this time
Not any time
Their choice
Makes the only difference
If only I could see
Or know

Pains recede as hope blooms

Lilies unfold
Dark and cold in still earth
Barren ground
Yet they push up through surface
Crumbling hard packed dirt
Bursting to bloom
See me see me
Tears black with blood
Weep broken onto dying ground
Dying already
They are snipped
Starving they drink thinly
Mistaking it for life
They bloom anew
Played false
Beauty dies
Only blood
And tears

I want (obverse)

To scream
To cry out
To confront you
To kiss you
To hold you
To walk away
To burn the building down
To do anything to get your attention
To hide from ever being
To shout out, “why do I still love you!”
To beg you,
anything, anything to stop hurting
To plunge myself out of emotions and back into physical pursuits

And deep down, I thrash and strain, attempting to wrench myself free, while secretly hoping, you’ll say the word
Anything is better than this half state