So quickly it all turned from finding you
From finding passion beyond words
From hearing you say yes,
yes this passion
Yes we found each other
yes, you
To this deafening, rendering silence
This pain beyond measure
Past words, past responses
How could it be gone now as if it never was?
pain
Dealing with open wounds
Time heals nothing. It’s our fading memories that give rise to this statement. We forget. The closest I get to forgetting is compartmentalizing those experiences into a specific mindstate. I might even code the mindstate to a locale. I sometimes wish my mind allowed me to forget completely. But then I’ll recall a conversation or a smile or dancing with Morgan. I’ll recall a kiss or a touch. And as much as these memories are melancholic, I would not trade them for the temporary comfort of forgetting. Of losing them.
Share this:
Too tired for walls
I know all too little of joy
And all too much sadness not quite past bearing
Retreat to chemical slumber
where dreams betray
For they are of you
Share this:
Windswept bones
Early days of summer
bring heady release
caged from our slumber
stretch wide in sunlights fading
wings shake with frost
heat begins by dying
as winter counts the cost
Share this:
I’m still broken, just in different ways
Is it bad that I don’t expect those that I love to love me back? That the mere thought, “who could love the monster I am” can bring me to tears instantly? Because of all the beautiful things I believe, it is this one dark seed that sits in my heart. This is the last piece of heartache I work on. I say this now because it scares me to say it. How can this part of me, this broken self be revealed and still be worth loving. He writes through the tears. But it’s a rule. If I betray my own rules, how can I be trusted to not do so again.
Share this:
Finite infinite
Afraid to speak, afraid to not speak
Just a step away from joy
Just a step away from despair
Existing halfway between heaven and hell
Reaching out to truth
Stretching to the infinite
But infinity is not you
And you
Are all that I want
Share this:
Powers and principalities
If I could sooth every ache
stop every tear
turn sadness to joy
show fear as hope
heal the pain of heartbreak
I would
You are the light in my world
In your cocoon of my heart
I would see you become all that you desire
Share this:
The fiercest flame
The thought of her skin
The softness of her as my hands run over her
The feel of the hairs on her arms
Running fingers lightly over, barely touching
Teasing
The slap of leather to skin
The sound of her voice, whispering through my bones
Painfull moans
She kneels in first position, head bowed
I reach down, running hand along jawline
Tilt her lovely face to mine
“You are my very good girl”
Her smile, and her eyes, shining with pride
Her reply, “thank you, Sir”
My heart full to bursting,
Fierce pride, joy filling every inch
My submissive, my girl, my miss
Mine.
Share this:
Woke up
Woke up empty
Feeling only that I should feel something
am I broken?
Or still breaking?
Or is this nothing, what normal feels like?
Did I lose my emotions in the maze of sleep?
Or have I been feeling so much for so long that my nerves are fried and just want a break?
The one thing I can’t do, is the one thing I want to, and its just like deja vu, but different.
Maybe that feeling takes me straight back to beginning and only this thinking is what’s keeping me going, but going where?
Into your arms or simply delusion?
These words that I speak in the hopes that they’re heard but fearing these words because words have consequences and I can’t stomach the thought of losing what is almost but never was.
These words that I speak get me to the heart where I’ve been hiding behind hoping, so much easier to say good morning than say…
I’m hurting are you hurting too?
Share this:
Serrated blade
Take your vicious knives
open up my body
cut and slice
pack in salt
watch me writhe in agony
drink my blood
leave me weak
flay my flesh
leave me to bake in the desert sun
still alive
ants cut up and consume my body
At least with the pain, I know I’m still alive
Pelgris 