This is an audio post. Please visit the site to listen to it. Also This is part of an ongoing story. You may want to listen to Split Sky first.
So my brain finally figured out something that would scare me and not trigger one of my subconscious tripwires. Which draw me into a lucid dream should a nightmare prove too scary.
It was pretty typical weirdness. A pharaoh brought back to life, filming a movie and not being friends with the extras who didn’t want to be friends with us anyway. A house party, and a snowstorm.
Then I receive a email. A email chronicling the manipulations of the person I’m in love with. The person who (in the dream) is manipulating me. Screwing with my head just because she can. Laughing about how she got my trust. Got into my life. About how utterly foolish I am. About how she got access to my wordpress account.
About my wordpress account being scoured of content.
I rush to check it and I’m locked out. I reset my password and get in and everything is gone. The account isn’t deleted. But everything is gone. Just this barren shell of everything I’ve written and worked on for more than 3 years.
Then I forced myself awake and it was one of those times where I kept waking but not up, just into another dream. Making it particularly horrible.
I know all too little of joy
And all too much sadness not quite past bearing
Retreat to chemical slumber
where dreams betray
For they are of you
Canyon and valley
Yield to crimson rage
Following the branching twist
Build pleasure from necessity
Take beyond measure
Reap beyond words
A broken rule unleash a demon
And in the silence burn
I always say, I don’t take what is not freely given. What does this mean? I only say it to people I’m dating and generally on the second date. The first is a feeling out. My, often bizarre, rules can get in the way of that. So on the second date I’ll say it. And I mean this, informed consent is the only way I play. I will ask before I kiss you or you may kiss me. I will ask before I will touch you. I will be assured of your enthusiastic consent before and during any sexual activity. If you want to lay out ground rules where I don’t have to ask or use the color codes even better. This generally leads into a discussion of my primary rule: Do not betray. My word, once given is inviolable. And I consider rape, physical or mental, to be the ultimate act of betrayal. Thus my rules. I have good reason to codify things. Ask me if you wish.