Winter’s heady laugh shakes the too frozen air
Like ice cracking before the sudden plunge to darkness
His Blade stalks streets
Confidence freezing, falling
Breaking in the whispered calm
This cut
This blood
A throaty laugh
Captured in the still
The Blade walks the streets
Cutting the too still air
Poems
Good morning
Motes rush in binding to receptors filling the spaces too small and too big
Binding and converting
Feeding the colossal thing
Towering deeply
Landscape rises
Unsettling and disturbing
The too fast drumbeat
Driving more and more to sacrifice to this abominable thing
Structures bend and shake
The shift and tremble
Waves cascade into whirlpools of white and the darkest abyss
Popping and crackling fills the sky
The leviathan awakes
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Muscle memory
My heart rips it’s way out of my chest
It flies away east, looking for her
It’s filled with the dark loving of her
Too heavy to make the journey
But Hope’s foolish song
Pulls it forward
I watch it wing away
Stuck rooted to the ground by the sure knowledge
That it won’t work
That there’s no ending that starts with sweeping her off her feet
But all I can do is watch
Blood patters to the thirsty earth
Chest hollow
No longer filled with even the wanting
I watch
And pray
Though I don’t pray
But hope loudly
To whatever power
Laughs it’s way through my life
I pray
That my heart will find her
And be safe
Or else
Die on the journey
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The shop on the corner
Give me the heat that rises out
A tired smile grows to full
Our bones a resonant hum
A quick quiet heartbeat
That moment
When you are the world entire
And I
Am but sunshine
Dappling your eyes
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Grief never fades
Splay me open
Crack my chest
There’s little enough left
A heart in tatters
Each new day cut slivers
Stuck in throat
Flowed out with tears come unbidden
Weaving a false tale of hopes realization
Fantasy without root
Just another sliver
An ache that never ends
Take what blood remains
Chest hollowed out
Filled with burnt ash
An endless well
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A dream that lives the man
I want to fill my head with noise
Just a cacophony of sound so I don’t have to think
Just a minute to stop
Not know
Not be
Just static
A mask for pain
Something to keep my eyes clear
No blurry vision
No cloudy pictures
Feeling alone feels like giving up
Get to know your own company they say
But you can’t turn and share a book with yourself
Can’t listen to a particular piece of music
Can’t sing a silly song you made up on the spot
Just because
Maybe I’ll be good at this on some future tomorrow
But I doubt it
I want too much
I want all
I’ve been the possible
I’ve seen the chances
How can I go back to the alone?
I’ve come too far to accept that
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Burdens we can’t put down
The problem with being sad all the time is that your face becomes this mask of pain
A mask that people work around, see every day until it just becomes your face
But the pains not you. You are joy and sunshine and that day in the park where you held hands and looked into her eyes and felt so light you might float away
No one sees that you. It’s bound up in memories and minutes found in the present that pass by leaving only wreckage.
As a man wracked by pain, enduring, pushing the pain away takes a pain killer and for too short a time, Knows a life without his burden. Then it all comes crashing back down and what was endurable before is now unbearable. So too is joy to a sad heart.
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When words are too uncertain
These cold lonely days with nothing
but time and hope
These words that bubble up and want to drip out
but lips clamp closed
These feelings that speak of desire
But already way out on a limb
Should hands let go and fall
Or does gravity and fluid dynamics dictate this uncertainty
A symptom
Of being unworthy
Held back by hands forged from my own skin
Held down by actions echoing forward
Prepared for nothing
Dreams left empty
Behind eyelids
Too painful to cry
Or speak
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Shhhhhhh…Click
Existence
Hollows out to this excruciating pull
Step by reluctant step
Into uncertain
Into shadows
No homecoming this
Looming shapes cast unknown
Pained knowledge of what is lost
Moments creeping by without defense
Without any indication that this
Falseness of hope
Broken free
Lodged in arteries
Each heart beating
Bringing the heaviness of truth
Or spun sugar fakery
Unknown which
Until pains precipice
And the only choice is jump
Or shatter here
Bereft of all but silence
Darkness broken by screams from frozen vocal cords
And the unquiet tears of the damned
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Closets are for clothes
I don’t want to be your secret but rather your celebration
a love that’s hides in shadows
Is as false as the lies that you tell to keep us separate
Separate from your ‘normal’ life
Your family wouldn’t understand
How nice for them that you consider their feelings instead of my own
Your friends would not accept this
Well, some friends you have that would reject you for love
This is fear
Base fear
Your joy is worth the loss of people who wouldn’t love you if they knew you
I am worth the peril of walking unfettered in daylight
You need not face it alone
Or fear can embrace you, hold your heart and kiss you. Because it will not be I
Behind the bedroom door is for specifics
For the rest
I’ll not be your secret
Rather crowed from the rooftops
Than whispers and sly looks
Cause, honey, everyone knows already.
You are just letting them define the narrative
Pelgris 