I would die a thousand deaths
If I could hold you in my arms
As I slipped away
I would live a thousand lives
If I could live them by your side
I would fight a thousand battles
If I could keep you from harm
I would watch your back a thousand thousand times
As you fought the battles I could not see
These thoughts as I lay awake dreaming
In this empty bed
In this too quiet room
As in finery
The blank thrust of empty sky
A bowl of promises
My hand reaches out
Words ground down smooth
And all that
If I could be but memory
Or shadowed kiss
Slink slow across nerve endings
Make each moment last
Our futures unwritten
We’ll write it together
Love makes us fool’s, may I never be so wise that I fail to take a chance on love.
Love makes us blind, may I never see so clearly that perception keeps me from my loves arms.
Love makes us reckless, may I never be so cautious that I fail to risk little to win all.
Love is worth pain, worth bad choices, worth the how can I have been so stupid moments.
It is worth the risk. It is worth the effort.
Relationships are not easy. People are involved so how could they be? But where there is love, there is hope. Where there is hope, there is a chance.
I have two scenarios in mind when I am with someone. There is the ideal. Which is that we are together and spend our lives in the band between content and happy. We express our love out loud and without reservation. We are words and deeds and compromise. I have no illusions that we won’t fight. But I hope we can get through the fights with grace. And find peace and passion in each other. I want the thousand little things that make up a life.
And the second scenario? I hope that we are honest with each other. That we both get what we need, for now. Even if we are not going to be in each other’s lives forever, I hope that we make each other’s lives better while we are. And when it ends I hope we part as friends and not enemies. There is enough pain in endings without adding bitterness and regret.
And when the shadows bleed away
I’m left with all I want to say
These tattered dreams
these hopes made clear
bound down and weighted by all I fear
(note: not about anyone. I love you, GMH.)
wonder if you’re gentle
Would kiss with tenderness to match fierceness
Are you as lonely as you seem
Take refuge in my arms
To wonder or is it wish?
At long days ending
To hear your heart against mine
And spring forth, joyous
From long embrace
don’t want a friendship
want the flame
always step forward
never step back
always move to
never step away
Only built bridges and yet they all burn
life marked and marred
by the fires we yearned
And one fateful meeting
starts drifting away
Stand on the shore
the world as it is not mine to give
so I’ll give you my self and make of it a world in which to live.
There’s choices beyond my control
And life takes us turning
But it’s all just this yearning
This foolish heart
That moment of hope between waking and dream
just that moment before it’s all that it seems
just the seconds that pass in heavy silence
just the times when on the tip of my tongue I’ve not said
I want you on the tip of my tongue
just these moments we let flow by
whether from desire or its lack
just this not quite fear
not enough to make me act
and the desire to say yes, mistress/yes, master
use me as you desire
and in the morning make me coffee
but this slow silence where it’s all ponderous dream
and the next round
the next dream
the next chance?
It’s on me.