Any culture that equates sex with success or with intimacy is failing those that comprise it.  It Feeds into youth culture filtering down to the youngest cognizant levels and takes over in those places where straight talk about sex is not present.  e.g.  in most American households. Further, since the origin of the culture originates with men taking and not individuals exhibiting informed consent we receive a nasty side effect of that cultural shift in that it promotes rape culture. In which the criminal who acts and violates the sanctity of another’s body is succored and made out as blameless while the victim is shamed by the larger culture. It is a malignant and horrific manifestation of the cultural shift.  I’m not saying that it is Not a part of the systemic male domination of society, I’m saying that when we allow popular culture the reins to societal value we ultimately give up control over how those values manifest.

I do not advocate abstinence, nor do I advocate free sex.  I advocate informed, enthusiastic,  and continual consent.  That men must be made responsible for not having sex when their partner is not into it,  that coercion of any kind is rape.  If you get into it and it starts hurting or stops being what you want,  then stop. Say no.  And if it continues from there,  it is rape. If you see that your partner is not into it stop and check on them.  Informed means not impaired, meaning not drunk, not high, told up front the actions that will be taken and what is off the table.  It may seem excessive,  but that is the culture talking.  It is what is necessary to keep all parties safe. Enthusiastic means they want to have sex as much as you do.  This is both men and women,  yes sometimes guys are not into it as well,  don’t shame them for it.  That is the culture talking, saying men must be up for it at all times. Culture is a blade that cuts all who hold it. Coercion is not enthusiastic consent, giving in is not enthusiastic consent. Do what you want, is not enthusiastic consent. All of these are rape.

The victim should not be made to feel shame for something that is done to them, against their will. There are no mitigating factors.  If someone was wearing something,  that is not an invitation. Being drunk is not an invitation. Being too tired to say no is not an invitation.  There is always another person involved and that person needs to stop it. Must in fact say no. Otherwise, they are acting as a monster, a criminal that should be ashamed of their actions.  They have violated the body, the mind and the emotions of someone. There is no excuse for that behavior.

I cannot express enough my disgust for anyone that rapes another. Our culture has become sick, we need to change it, otherwise we are risking the growing up of several generations of severely emotionally damaged people. Unfortunately, I think we may already be into the first generation.  We must stop the skid. But how to do that?  Swing back into the more conservative direction?  That culture has a strong record of failure on this issue and that failure reaches back centuries.  The only path forward is to teach informed, enthusiastic consent and to remove those components of congratulatory sexual conquest from male dominated society. I don’t know how to do the latter.  I can only continue to espouse the former and never flinch from the conversation that must occur again and again in order for us to change.