Poems

A fish forgets to grow gills

PelgrisLeave a comment

Born into a moment of without you
I’m shook awake by my own fears
Last remnant voices of who I used to be
Rounding up to a calculation of you and me
You’re drowning and reach down
To find stable hands that drag you down to that dark safe place
Where death and life are just fictions we tell ourselves
Where dreams and memories war for attention
And meanwhile I sit at the surface
Looking down into watery depths, hand extended,
You’re such a good person they say
You are light and beautiful and all I could ever want
And I want you to know the happiness I feel

And I watch you sink deeper into the depths crying from the lack of light
My hands extended
I’m not some person trying to create a better world for all mankind
I’m only looking to save you
Take my hand
Pull me up
…I’m drowning

Patience

PelgrisLeave a comment

A desolate jungle bursting with life
predators… and prey
But not the right one
Animals burst from cover and spill out into the light
The cat watches listless
Only perking up when a particular bird sings sweet
Melancholy drips
Waiting for soft touch, for song,
for chance, for choice
For safety, for a truth spoken in the heart
And the soft crunch of bones

Living in the fire swamp

Pelgris3 Comments

Too languid for hoping
Where silence and heartbeat meet
In anxious beating and eyes burning
Slow dance for dreaming
Soft kiss for wanting
All for the taking

But time presses on
Pulling and stumbling
For want of your touch
I’m drunken and slurring
Calls of oblivion
Sink

All decisions fled
In the blurring lines
Between having and missed chances
Between smiles and cut flower laughter
Between you
And I

Amor Vincit Omnia

PelgrisLeave a comment

Love conquers all
I used to believe that
Down to my bones I believed it.
But it doesn’t.
The hand of a man now dead can rip it away.

And still I believed.
I still believed and fell again
And while we lasted for a while it ended
And I tell myself it’s because we were never that permanent love. It was just lust mixed with lonely and it wasn’t real.

And I fell again, like a meteorite crashing to earth
I fell hard
I fell fast
And though I exist in her heart
It never became
And I say that’s not loves fault, she wasn’t the right person. If the person is not ready there isn’t anything love can do.

And I still believed
And I fell again
And I thought this is it
What a great meet cute, we fell in love at the same time with each other’s minds
But the realer it seemed the more distant it got
Until finally, it was over, not once but twice
Because I’m nothing, if not gullible.

And I quieted and I healed
And I flirted but tried so hard not to fall
Until she pushed me off the ledge
But even then, it was just fantasy.
A thing of desire and maybe and what if that quickly paled as the reality of right there and so unhappy but I can’t touch you and make it better drove home the point

And then a butterfly flitted through my window
And whispered an idea, a what if that turned to honesty and honor and a love so deep I’m drowning in it
And as always, beyond reach

And the realization, that love does not conquer all.
It conquers me but now my heart is a corpse strewn field. Littered with dying hopes.

And the frightening idea, that it all might have been in vain

Bright light spills from the space my heart used to be

PelgrisLeave a comment

Your voice is a deep pool of laughter and bright
I’d spend my days crafting words for you to speak
they create shivers down my spine
And wake desires with but a innocent turn of phrase
Life is but a series of moments strung together by your presence and the undying hope of forever
In this life or I will find you in the next
Until
At last
We belong to each other

Secondary definition 

PelgrisLeave a comment

I say always and
You say That’s sweet
I say always and
You sigh happily
I say always and
You smile and duck your eyes
I say always and
You say I love you
I say always and
You say not ready
I say always and
You say not now
I say always and
You say goodbye
I say always and
There is only silence
I say always

Always wasn’t a promise
Always wasn’t an endearment
Always wasn’t romance

It was a warning
A cry
A bell chiming

It was the deep silence in the winter dawn
It was the quiet hush of a summer afternoon
It was the deep and abiding melancholy of 2am

It was a plea
Of understanding
That some people
Never forget
That there is nothing so fundamentaly luxurious
As the fading light of memory

And here I stand
Saying
Always

Behind closed eyes

Pelgris3 Comments

Don’t want to die
Just want to be seen
Even as I struggle to remain hidden
Better that
Than to see me barren
Bereft
Without even the hope
Of hope
Last gasp
Of the dying light

We see with hearts wide open-3

Pelgris2 Comments

Surrounded by hearts in mending
Gold seams in broken veins
Pain and pleasure in the taking
But gathered her gently
Woken him fiercely
And all of us joined
In laughter, in lust, in desire
And compromise
All truths spoken and laid bare
Emotions riding the air
Love seeking and binding
A hope everlasting

We sing to the passion of our need-2

PelgrisLeave a comment

He sits out of reach in his silence
I need his touch
Perhaps his compliance should he be willing
To make him mine
To possess him
Enslave him with desire
Taste him full and soft
To calm his fears
To sing songs and kiss
Hold hands in defiance and trust

We wake to the pleasure of our hearts-1

PelgrisLeave a comment

There are times where I must consider myself a beast
To desire to obliterate your self to satisfy my need for your pleasure
That you desire this as well gives me pause
Because I must consider myself your champion
A dark soul, a brightly burning messenger of the night
But yours
Not as a blade because this is not your necessity
But your tormentor
Your jailer
Your lover
Your protector
I must consider the line to walk between the obliteration of the self into a object of control and service and lust
And my ability to bring you back from that brink
And whispers sweet somethings
Engage in passion behind mere pleasure
And sit reading a book aloud for storytime
You are a joy I never thought would be