I repeat to myself
I want to die
I want to die
I want to die
This litany slithers and drifts
This hope to stop existing
This dream that something
Anything
Will stop my mindless gears from turning
Until the crushing weight of my own words
Set my conscious mind to planning
But it was a lie
I just want the pain to stop
So at least
I’ll stop burying the blade deep in myself
And say
I am loved
Even if it probably isn’t true
Author: Pelgris
Reckless healer
I miss romantic love as much as I miss that blissful period when I loved only myself.
A brief time after forgiveness of things beyond my control leading up to the swooping vultures of this guy’s interesting to play with.
Or in thinking that my heart is genuinely filled and cutting it open like a pomegranate to drip seeds down hungry throats.
The pain a substitute for reciprocity
Until, woken I ask for clarification
And
In so doing
Find myself to have been alone
Or instead with pale spectre as companion
Try to shove a heart dripping juice
Never quite full again
Into a chest grown to small
Instead hold in hands
Hoping to find sharing
Or,
At last
For inflammation to cool
The swelling goes down
And fits back in chest
Or to lament that fact
Can’t make you want
More than this distance
To be admired
And loved from
Space removed
So much easier to go quiet
To fade
When I no longer see you
And the blade no longer sinks home with each smile aimed away
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Freedom of speech
Freedom of Speech protects you from the government or the law of the land. It means that your speech cannot be restricted by the government. The government cannot imprison, silence, or kill you for speaking.
It does not mean that speaking is without consequences. An employer, especially in a right to work state, can fire you for saying things. This is especially prevalent when your speech runs counter to what they think or if the opinion has a impact on their ability to do business.
Further, while you are exercising your free speech you should expect that others will be exercising theirs as well. Often in counterpoint to your own. Further, if your speech incites strong emotions in your heart, you can expect people to react in the same manner to you.
Freedom of speech does not protect you from your fellow citizens. It only means that if you say that the king or president or ceo or whatever is a fucking idiot, you cannot be subject to imprisonment or worse by the mechanistic cogs of the justice system. You will still be met with resistance from your fellow citizens.
You cannot hide behind freedom of speech and hope that people won’t Judge you or move against you. Speak all you want to but you will be opposed. And if any side chooses to escalate to violence then all involved parties are subject to the justice system. Just because you got clocked while you were exercising your right to speak does not mean that you get to retaliate. All are equally subject to the law. (in theory, in practice we see something else but that doesn’t make it right.)
That is all the logical and legalistic parts of me trying to reason with people.
The other parts are saying, if you stand with, condone, take the side of, or otherwise sympathize, for any reason, with fucking Nazis then you should be fucking clocked. You should lose business. You should be put on the horns of public scrutiny and your whole life turned upside down. You cast your lot in with them and you are accepting the consequences of your choice.
Welcome to what Freedom of speech really means.
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Unfaltering,
Day in, day out
light under the moon
sun ablaze in the sky
doubt not, my love
Though I break
though I’m broken
I know the path I’ve woken,
but though I may be uncertain
Day in, day out,
light under the moon,
sun ablaze in the sky,
doubt not my love
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Kiss under the moon
Where is life
where is death
ask me again when all darkness bled
and shadows shift
and shadows fled
life calls in answering
pained in breathe
Sought where seeking
Bought
Last light
Before the coming dawn
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Reoccurring hope
I find myself thinking about you.
And, of an instant, the flash as you are in my arms and I’m kissing you
Lips pressing and holding the words left unsaid
Tongue slipping against tongue
like a dam breaking
The torrent
the flood of might have been collapsing down to this moment
where our choice is each other
and a fierce joy for each future minute
we will face unafraid
Secure in the knowledge
that we will face it together.
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Song of the Day-Stuck in my head for 3 days edition
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A step away
I would dance a thousand lives
Swallow a thousand lies
But I’ll never be with you
The river carves
While we while the time away
Hoping for healing voice
But finding our paths to tragedy
Sin in hopeful tone
Long buried beneath
Traverse travails
Perhaps, a chance
But
I am lost in the echo
Of remembering
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A dream from Sunday
I had a dream of a woman sitting straddling my knee and resting her head against my chest. It was the most at peace I’ve felt in weeks. I consider it a true dream walk as where my dream was prior to that moment was completely in a dreamscape. I hope, whoever she is, she felt as I did. At peace, at home.
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A heart surfaces
I am too old to breathe and too old to die
So this leaves me where but between
Lost in a seethe of lie
Strike me from my bones
Break pieces
As morsel eat
Until all consumed
I may pass on
Or give me over to fires embrace
One last or is it first passion
A lover who at least knows her worth
Pick glass out of wounds long closed
Like memories pulling free
So short a life consumed in smallest
Motions
A drifter encased in a life of choices fallen to dust
Pause to inhale but is it life or just a slipping of darkness into day
Bound by our shackles forged in persuit
And struck round until freedom is as foreign as love.
Pelgris 