If there is an exception, then Never is a lie

Anyone who believes that violence is NEVER the answer is a child. They live in a childs world. Having never faced a problem where the only solutions are violence or your own death. Violence or the pain and death of your loved ones.

They think that anyone who chooses violence as a response is an uncontrollable monster. A slavering beast who is without remorse or control.

In the case of people I know, it’s because violence has only ever been wielded against them for little to no cause. And so they believe that all such action must fall into that category.

Or they believe in ‘civilization’. Without regard that civilization is only ever a thin sheet covering barbarism. And only because their civility is covered by those who will do violence on their behalf.

They would rather be sheep to the slaughter than take responsibility for their own safety.

Or perhaps they core out exceptions. Violence is never the answer, except in self defense. Violence is never the answer, unless you are protecting someone else. Etc, etc.

Which is a obvious hypocritical stance.

I ask this question. Are you actually that much of a radical pacifist? Do you truly have that much conviction that when faced with violence against your person or against others, your staunch choice will be to passively without offer of threat or deed, allow the other to beat and kill you rather than raise your fist to fight for your life?

Because, frankly, I don’t think so. The amount of people with that level of control and moral conviction are vanishingly small.

So why do you all insist on saying violence is Never the answer?

Fear? That society will condemn you if you don’t buy into the myth. That you have been told over and over. That only works when all others act in the exact same level of pure conviction.

That latter, let me tell you, those few I have met that are such Pacifists that they have the control… They know better. No society is free from violence.

Abd training people that violence is never the answer is foolish and detrimental.

If someone is attacking, violence is the answer. If you are defending another, violence can be the answer. Saying something is Never anything is the child’s world. And I invite you all, to be an adult.

Broken bow symphony

Hoping for a mythical past we wipe away the chance for a fabled future
A golden age proves to be little more than the dream of the thrashing fevered body politic
We cling to false hopes and outright lies rather than face bitter truths
All the while barreling forward
One inexorable second at a time
Towards the crumbling hellscape of the world we have turned our backs on
While we build up the fiction of prosperity
And cling to ideals long since tarnished
Jagged metal piercing palms
Convincing ourselves that this isn’t blood
Its rain

Belief shapes minds, not the universe

Eyes go wide
Watching the spin
Watching what is fast seem to slow
To stop
To stutter
Perception made false
Reality isn’t what we choose
It is what is despite our choices
What is real whether you believe or not
Whether you need or not
Whether you choose or not
Only what remains despite our desire
Can we stand upon
Mistake not the shifting sand for solid ground

Shadows of the gaslight

Normal is a false front
A dream held out as tangible
Flaring to smoke when we touch it
Dreams make the world go round
But make sure its your dream of a better life
Not their dreams of another yacht
Which you buy into
Voting with your dollar
An American terminology
Even now I here it whispering
Not just products but politicians
Corruption at a level so fundamental
That it’s systematic
We two party system and vote with our team
Rather than with our conscience
And all the while they whisper
Normal is a new car
A new drink
A nostalgia trip designed to make you feel comfortable
Normal like it ever was
Normal like that is what you want
We normalize exceptionalism
As if yacht dreams were true
It used to be a chicken in every pot was prosperity
Now its a Tesla and smart watch
One feeds the body and keeps the mind ready for a new day
The other says more is the way to go
It’s that siren song of new and better
That dream of the future
We mortgage our present for the intangible
All while we are assaulted that this is normal
That the consequences of our reality are not what’s real
It’s all fake news
The mantra of the child
Sitting in the corner
Ears covered
Eyes squeezed shut
Screaming over and over
‘Fake News’
Who are you gonna believe
The man trying to give you a normal life
Or your lying eyes
Nostalgia is a lie
Normal is a lie

What was is never again
And the only way forward is with
Eyes wide
Ears open
Hearts heavy but accepting
Don’t allow yourself the cozy warm blanket of normal
It’s made of asbestos
The past was never the place we remember
Try not to forget
This time

Even the sun hides it’s face

In the bleak expanse of morning
When the lengthening night grows strong and the light fades
When the dark retreats
When only dew and shadows remain
Find me there
Bleeding from wounds left untended
Mouth speaking lies
While eyes plead to see
Blood stains newly fallen snow
And always the words spoken
“I’m fine”

Enough blood and pain to drown a nation

Lost myself in a fantasy
Where all was equality
Wake to a world without
Cast a whole worldview into doubt
Clay falling away from feet
Scales from eyes
It’s time to rise
And take control of the dream

One day soon
For the future
Not some mythic illusion
Of pasts false reflection
Greatness based on perception
Hard to see who you’re stepping on
When your head is looking for a horizon

This reasonable revolution
Accountability of public perception
Crying for the promises of privilege
Exposing the corruption
Seeing the body America
Turn over and smell the rot
Maggots feasting on long dead flesh

Cut away our delusions
Remember ideals and not the realities of them
Bigots, Monsters, and Liars
For one moment gave in to idealism
Slice up the foundation
Look to the building

A future for looking
An all seeing eye that was once willfully blind
Raise up arms and voices
No more standing by
Standing silent

(A call to arms of the seemingly unaffected
False safety because you’re protected
Take up arms or be ejected
Useless casings without the powder to burn

If you aren’t angry
You’re still sleeping
Time to wake up before you find
Your Bolivian smile

We hear privilege and say we haven’t been handed anything
Anything but safety
Anything but the benefit of the doubt
Anything but the automatic acceptance of competence

It’s easy to be
When you live in a echo chamber
Reflections of the predator
Decrying the unfairness of being treated like prey) 

Take off the glasses

Bombard me with images
Promise to make me complete
Shape my eyes
Contour my cheeks
Highlight my lips
Make me over
Make me complete

Paper over my scars
Discard my pain
Replace my thoughts
Invade my brain

It’s all too easy to erase
Wake up thirty years later
Dying by minutes
Past the sell by date

No road forward but out
Take up the razor
As in youth
Faint lines promise relief

Trapped by this stagnant culture
Burn it down
Burn it down
We all fall

Let who you are free into the light

I hate keeping secrets. Even lies by omission hurt.

I spent a portion of my youth on secrets. On lies. It almost killed me. It came close. At the end, all I had was money, scars, and grey hair. The money is gone. The scars are mostly faded. The grey hair stayed. And a deep abiding pain that accompanies lies.

I spent years clawing out of various closets. Sexuality, society, BDSM. And at the end of it, I found peace.

But still people want me to hide. To be discreet. To say it’s no one’s business but ours.

But let me tell you. It may be no one’s business but ours, but it’s on them to turn their heads. Hiding is lying. Discretion is fine, but it should not stop a kiss or a hug or holding hands. If it does then that’s fear.

Just because I can hide or lie; Because I practiced for years, doesn’t mean I enjoy it. I loathe it.

I understand why hiding may be necessary. If life or liberty is on the line. But if not? It’s not worth the cost.

And sometimes, even life and liberty are not enough. We should be who we are. Shout it from the rooftops. And to those that would silence us, let them reap the consequences. Let them fear.

I said I didn’t like lying. I didn’t say I’d forgotten my past.

Just need some distance

Perhaps I prefer a layer of abstraction to my words because they feel like pins breaking through the veins
poking out at odd angles
painful but embarrassing
painful but then you’ll notice me and hiding is easier when it’s a storm and not me that’s crying

perhaps it’s easier because these words are only sometimes mine and other times are the unbroken scream that lives in my chest and stops just short of my throat because men don’t break down and cry
because everything has to be in control or she might not love me
because sleep eludes me and screams at 3am will bring sirens and questions

Perhaps I just need to be distant because weaing the razorblade straight jacket no longer fits
but its thin slices fit so easily into my scars
who would know the difference

perhaps I’m just tried and tired of being vulnerable and need that distance to lie to myself a little bit longer
a lie I’m not allowed to speak to others so I tell them to myself.

“I am loved” I say when I mean I want to die.
I am loved, when I mean why doesn’t she see me
I am loved when I mean Why can’t I just say what I mean?

Love is my lie, it keeps me going, keeps me moving

Hiding in the cracks of my own abstraction