When I say I need you, I don’t mean I need you to pick up my clothes. I don’t mean I need you to take care of me. I don’t mean I need you to make me dinner.
When I say I need you, I mean your presence in my life makes the sun shine a bit brighter. I mean your presence in my life makes my days pass easier and not quicker. I mean your presence in my life drives my passion and forces my creativity to new avenues and choices.
My need is a thing of desire and joy and change. I need because wanting is lukewarm and nothing in the context of love should be anything but the fire burning.
I need comfort and safety but I need it not as a person or place to retreat to but to strike out from. To experience the vastness of life and still know that together we are safe because with each other there is a place to be without that shifting chaos.
I need you to feed me oxygen and fire in equal measure as I feed you earth and water. Or let us not be bound by needs but feed each other golden apples plucked from an immortal tree and know that as one desires the other will provide.
I need you to disagree with me and fight me because I believe I’m right but I’m often wrong and I trust you to give me the truth. But I won’t believe it. And we’ll make up and a few months later, I’ll say “You were right.”
I need you to be vulnerable with me and let me heal the hurts that I can and hold you together while you heal the ones I can’t reach. I need you to know my insecurities and know that despite them I am strong and will not fail you when it counts.
Need is not a dirty word. It is passion coupled to desire. Put want back where it belongs. I want a salad. I want to drive. I want to have a comfortable chair.
I don’t want to wallow in misery propped up by others feeling horrible. I want to wallow in joy, exhultant in love. I want to dance with Em, sing with K, hold A, kiss everyone. I want joy and laughter. I’m so tired of things not working out. Of things being so complicated, of distance and acting responsibly, deliberately. It gets old, gets tiresome. Sometimes, I just want to scream my want. Not that doing so does any good but fuck, sometimes, something has to give
wonder if you’re gentle
Would kiss with tenderness to match fierceness
Are you as lonely as you seem
Take refuge in my arms
To wonder or is it wish?
At long days ending
To hear your heart against mine
And spring forth, joyous
From long embrace
Wanting you all the time
Needing to taste your body and your mind
Wanting your stories
And the look on your face as you lose yourself to pleasure
Needing to feel your skin whenever
And to hear your thoughts on Pablo Neruda
Wanting your voice to talk with confidence about everything in your world, including me
Maybe I’m selfish
Maybe I want too much
You’re a thousand miles from me
staring into the distance
and still my heart races
trying to be nonchalant
to be charming
desiring only the sound of your voice
the touch of your hand
your smile like a flash
I’ll accept what you’ll give
but I want…I want it all
I have loved out of both want and need. Been with people out of both want and need. I want to be with you, you are interesting. I want to be with you, you make me laugh. People we want are fun. They are pleasant to be around and over time we can fall in love with them. This is a safe and rational way to live, to love.
Occasionally, rarely, you will encounter someone with whom the world just clicks. Colors are brighter, the things they say resonate, the world is better with them in it. This is need. They elevate you and hopefully you elevate them. This is passion and fire. Want is a sudden blaze then banked coals. Need can start slow, but it ignites like a nascent sun.
I’ve experienced both. Want is fine, and can work for a lifetime. But for circumstance, I would be with someone I wanted. Thought I needed before I experienced need.
Need is different, I don’t know if it’s better but each love is different in its way. Perhaps need is only another facet of love, perhaps a step closer to obsession.
Need consumes and one must be weary. Need can consume and destroy as well as its fire can be turned to creation. I don’t know what this need will lead to, but it is better than want. I have the stark contrast of my friendships whom I want vs the people I need.