Glass splinters

He made me feel alive by looking at me
He made me feel sick when he looked away
But he would always come back and my heart would burst to sunshine
But always remember, that black night with the open door
When he kissed me I burned and when he whipped me I woke
And when he left me
I was alone with the quiet and the open doorway bleeding light into the night
In a time before I knew that I was alone
And that all my futures were empty
But there he stood,
Again
Holding my gaze and beating the pain from my bones and replacing them with fire
Until I could take no more
And collapsed against his chest and begged him to Stay
Stay with me and don’t walk away

The quickest way to leave is to want more than they give
This lesson I learned again and again but I cannot be so callous

And I made a habit of lifting them up and granting strength until I had nothing left to give

A spent thing watching them walk away, healed and better. While I break a bit more, a bit further, always hoping

And always left with nothing but a open door, spilling light,

Stalking horse

These morning hours wait for me
Sitting around sharpening their knives
Waiting to ambush me
To drag me out into the streets and devour me
I need a word or a touch but there’s no one
The world sleeps
and these words hunt me
I burn and burst but can’t find you
dreams elude me
I need to save you or you to save me
but I’m just a word fool
hunted by hours
waiting for the sun to say wake.

I know this is depression but…

I am nothing but a moment, a memory, a hope

Dropped glass shattered, splinters broken, time itself bleeds
False hopes play us for fools
And the ache of sleepless nights cuts deeper than bones
Happiness a fiction we spin

This last breathe fades as a night of dreams shakes off false imagery for a cold inhalation of frigid air, born anew as sun crests horizon

Last tears shed as the ache unfolds and the mind tells its pretty truths and ugly lies.

And the part that is fear gorges and speaks, the ugliness must be true for who would speak such things if they were not

The things that I am

A poet spilling light and heartsblood onto the page
Distilling down to a few simple words

And just this one thing more
A writer spinning dreams and realities
Bringing people we’ll never meet to life

And just this one thing more
A troubleshooter, solving puzzles
Setting things back on course

And just this one thing more
A musician, writing and singing
Reaching out to those moved by sound

And just this one thing more
A pagan, dancing with the storm
Sitting at the howling center
Soaked by the rain

And just this one thing more
A teacher, guiding when asked
Sharing everything I’ve been and learned

And just this one thing more
Yours.

I am yours. 

The maelstrom calms

And I shall blossom like a star
Firmament made light
Radiation spilling out
Beyond control
Beyond caring

Elation made tangible
Joy singing the choral notes of a universe
Speak a voice, whiskey stained
Answered by another yet unknown

Make fast
A storm is raging
Not of destruction
But a joining

And all else, sleeps

What burns but doesn’t consume

She consumes me
every thought
follows a path
that leads to her
each action
coupled with the step
designed to bring me to her
She pulls me
I am a compass needle
She is true North

February

Rivers
Blood soaked dreary memories stained
Tear soaked carpet
moaning
Pressure a thin reminder of rain soaked shirts clinging to skin
Hiding tears amidst storm
losing each other

Cold soaked bones
touch me
I am drowning
A foot away
a lifetime
choices I cannot make

That was then and now
alone
dealing with the aftermath
Purpose to sever
in cease
in ruin
to swallow the sun
Though twilight break
and souls damaged by the dreaming
dissolve into dust

This blood
drips from metal blade
drunk down by ground thirsty for life

Sipping the stream
cool water against the back of my throat
pain leeches away
Replaced by floating
in the static emptiness
consumed morsel by morsel
until
I am empty

Slinking towards the dawn cold
seeping into bones made brittle
etched by the passage of seconds
voice pulled out to shout in glorious triumph
lost amidst the grinding gears
winding down to infinity

You murmured and snuggled against me
a rare and precious moment of vulnerability
mine, yours, together?
a dream?

Lost in the drift
slit open blood spills out
please
…….
it’s much simpler than this slow leak of sand as hours and days pass without your words
your voice
despair insinuates in dulcet tones, “who would ever want you?”

Yet on waking effervescence weaves its way through
the darkness but a shadow of approaching future
small translation errors in perception

From which
Faltering thoughts connect to every desire
promises realized and hopes cede ground to reality until eyes burst
waking
my brain
the liar

A black sun swells on the horizon bringing heat
false darkness swallows everything
lost, unforgiving
paths and doors disappear
trapped bereft of choice

Cold filters past defenses
only the warmth of you is sufficient to stave off the numbness
the thought of us
locked in deep embrace
Followed step by step into desired future
or time and universe make mock
all slipping from our grasp
before eyes lock
before beginning removes doubt

Or cast aside concern
dance madness in reverie
spilling minutes
sing our joy
to a moon hung heavy with ecstasy
breathed in through each pore

A journey made present in blood and flesh
give me your hand
I’ll give you my heart
moving into the dawn or dusk
only us together matters

Distance or times illusion
dream us awake
more than a find
a fit
last remnants of darkness fading
in the unrelenting light
of a single deep blue eye

Poem by the day-February Raw

DAY 1
Rivers
Day 2
Blood soaked
Day 3
Dreary memories stained
Day 4
Tear soaked carpet, moaning
Day 5
Pressure a thin reminder of
Day 6
Rain soaked shirts clinging to skin
Day 7
Hiding tears amidst storm, losing each other
Day 8
Cold soaked bones, touch me, I am drowning
Day 9
A foot away, a lifetime, choices I cannot make
Day 10
That was then and now, alone, dealing with the aftermath
Day 11
Purpose to sever, in cease, in ruin, to swallow the sun
Day 12
Though twilight break and souls damaged by the dreaming, dissolve into dust
Day 13
This blood drips from metal blade, drunk down by ground thirsty for life
Day 14
Sipping, the stream cool water against the back of my throat, pain leeches away
Day 15
Replaced by floating in the static emptiness, consumed morsel by morsel until I am empty
Day 16
Slinking towards the dawn cold, seeping into bones made brittle, etched by the passage of seconds
Day 17
Voice pulled out to shout in glorious triumph, lost amidst the grinding gears, winding down to infinity
Day 18
You murmured and snuggled against me, a rare and precious moment of vulnerability, mine, yours, together, a dream?
Day 19
Lost in the drift, slit open blood spills out, please, it’s much simpler than this slow leak of sand
Day 20
As hours and days pass without your words, your voice, despair insinuates in dulcet tones, “who would ever want you?”
Day 21
Yet on waking effervescence weaves its way through, the darkness but a shadow of approaching future, small translation errors in perception
Day 22
Faltering thoughts connect to every desire, promises realized and hopes cede ground to reality until eyes burst, waking, my brain, the liar
Day 23
A black sun swells on the horizon bringing heat, false darkness swallows everything, lost, unforgiving, paths and doors disappear, trapped bereft of choice
Day 24
Cold filters past defenses, only the warmth of you is sufficient to stave off the numbness, the thought of us, locked in deep embrace,
Day 25
Followed step by step into desired future, or time and universe make mock, all slipping from our grasp, before eyes lock, before beginning removes doubt
Day 26
Or cast aside concern and dance madness in reverie, spilling minutes sing our joy to a moon hung heavy with ecstasy breathed in through each pore
Day 27
A journey made present in blood and flesh, give me your hand, I’ll give you my heart, moving into the dawn or dusk, only us together matters,
Day 28
Distance or times illusion, dream us awake, more than a find, a fit, last remnants of darkness fading in the unrelenting light of a single deep blue eye