Nothing wonderful stays
The only constant
A life without
Say you love me
And I know you’ll be gone
poetry
Fires rage unchecked
Love burns through
Consuming self
Pain perfect crystalline
Unnoticed until
Caught scintellation
Raw
Unfocused
Burst forth in screams and tears
Heart pulse pounding in ears
Like a caught hummingbird
Gasps of breath
Empty despair
Love burns what it once illuminated
Liminal fire
Raged unchecked
What once created
Forged truth
Built sanctuary
Leaves ash
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Cyles
Pains fade as understanding rises
Understanding brings revelation
Revelation brings insight
Insight breeds interpretation
Interpretation plants doubts
Doubts burst forth in infection
Infection spreads to overthinking
Overthinking runs wildfire
Deprived of fuel, wildfire fades
Leaving only pain and uncertainty
Pain fades as understanding rises
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Depression is a liar, you are worth more than this
What shadows have wrought can be
Weaved into strength
What pain has bought can be
Turned into beauty
What despair crumbles away
Can be rebuilt
We are none of us so bound by circumstances that we are shackled to what we have now
There are always choices
Hard choices mayhaps
Terrible choices
But always there is a chance
And if help is required or merely desired
Look to those who love you
Who will sacrifice for your joy
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Solitude gets to us all
Vicious dust rips through building
Flesh flayed
Barbed wire memories
Gusts slam out
Breaking the calm
Obscuring debris masks the edges
Quiet here
Sun shining as three mountains
Are consumed
Northern wind
Lonely wind
Speak
And I will hear you
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Can’t talk to you
All I’ve wanted to do was take care of you
Whether that was as a friend, a lover, or a Sir
That didn’t matter
Taking care of you makes me happy
Brings me joy
It’s not like it was one sided
I felt cared for too
Friends and a bit more
Real on your side do or die friends
I don’t understand what’s happening now
I know what’s happening, I just don’t understand it
That I can’t tell you these things hurts worse than feeling them
Maybe I’m the weirdo for accepting you into my heart with full knowledge that we may not be these things other than friends
But maybe that’s what love is
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Acknowledge my own culpability
I knew
I knew it would be complicated going in
I knew that the road was treacherous
I knew that it could hurt
I knew all this
And still
I took the chance regardless the possibilities
I took your words into my heart
I took steps towards you
I took this agony
And still
I wait, despite the pain in my heart and head
I wait, in this dark silence of screams
I wait, knowing your hearts worth
I wait, I am your person
I do not walk away
Ever
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Today’s a bad day
Missing what we had
Missing what I thought we could be
Drowning in this fragile emptiness
Not silence
Like we never were
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Pointless
Miss my writing
Miss my answers
Miss my reassurance
Miss my words
But miss me?
I don’t think anyone will.
It’ll just fade
Remember Pelgris, yeah, liked his stuff, wonder what happened to him.
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Slips the day
Waking up regretting the decision
Mind churning for what it doesn’t have
Reliving past mistakes as a movie reel
Procrastinating
Drawing out the time before getting out of bed
Cool air conditioned fan sped wind
Warm blankets
Dreading the day
Flipping up out of bed
Padding into the bathroom
Shower almost hot enough to burn
Water off reminded of the difference between winter and this artificial cool
The difference between dreading that forgot to turn off the fan and reveling in it
Sitting on bed
Combing out hair
Losing time to jotting down just a few words
Feel of cloth on skin
Smooth and welcoming
Dry and warm
Button up dress shirt
Scuffed shoes needing a shine
Heart heavy remembering waking up to a text from you
Nothing today, yesterday
Tomorrow?
Diet coke in a metal tumbler
An extra for later
Brief war with self
Music, too heavy with emotion, no time now to rage, scream or cry
Audiobook, lose self in another’s fantasy problems
Truck idling rough
Engine problem? Simple or expensive
Or just old
Driving in
Core self falling away
Sharper edges press forward
Compartmentalization
Existential pain hides beyond alleyways of doors
Emerge darker
Deadlier
Without care
Come against me now
Know painful failure
Work
People I love being ground away
Office drama
Bad people rising to the level of their incompetence
Bad leaders
All a slow burn
Done
Dreading going home
Going home means empty
Means that this powerful version of self slips
Piece by piece
But my cat is waiting
At least she loves me
Pelgris 