Pelgris

Waking up regretting the decision
Mind churning for what it doesn’t have
Reliving past mistakes as a movie reel
Procrastinating
Drawing out the time before getting out of bed
Cool air conditioned fan sped wind
Warm blankets
Dreading the day

Flipping up out of bed
Padding into the bathroom
Shower almost hot enough to burn
Water off reminded of the difference between winter and this artificial cool
The difference between dreading that forgot to turn off the fan and reveling in it

Sitting on bed
Combing out hair
Losing time to jotting down just a few words
Feel of cloth on skin
Smooth and welcoming
Dry and warm
Button up dress shirt
Scuffed shoes needing a shine
Heart heavy remembering waking up to a text from you
Nothing today, yesterday
Tomorrow?
Diet coke in a metal tumbler
An extra for later

Brief war with self
Music, too heavy with emotion, no time now to rage, scream or cry
Audiobook, lose self in another’s fantasy problems
Truck idling rough
Engine problem? Simple or expensive
Or just old

Driving in
Core self falling away
Sharper edges press forward
Compartmentalization
Existential pain hides beyond alleyways of doors
Emerge darker
Deadlier
Without care
Come against me now
Know painful failure

Work
People I love being ground away
Office drama
Bad people rising to the level of their incompetence
Bad leaders
All a slow burn

Done

Dreading going home
Going home means empty
Means that this powerful version of self slips
Piece by piece
But my cat is waiting
At least she loves me