I improvise, I don’t plan except in the broadest of strokes. I taste how the moment feels. I ask myself which action do I desire most, which scares me. If an action would hurt someone I care for, I weigh the consequences if I don’t take it. There are many factors. But it’s like a spinning top. You can choose when, where, how much force. You can setup perfectly and it can still go awry. It is always the factor you haven’t planned for, the unknown or the ones out of your control. So perfection is not attainable. But you can learn to improvise. To dance with the flow of the world. At the end of the day, you can only hope that you lived as beautifully, as open, as you could. That your words, your actions touched a life spinning by and made it better.
Author: Pelgris
Slightly obfuscation
Spit consonant, roll vowel,
pick the words, drift deeper,
float until the need to speak draws
and spark, spark, spark,
sleep is less refuge than necessity,
revealed jaded,
heart flys and hope blossoms in a dry riverbed
Share this:
Jealousy
I never counted myself a jealous man until I found relationships where my place was uncertain. I think some of the jealousy stems from wanting and not having. I know if we’re physically intimate that when you are with anyone else you are going to have flashes, memories of me. I am that confident in my abilities as a lover and a Top.
The other factor is that I am expecting at some point to hear what I would say. Something along the lines of, “I’m here, I won’t abandon you.” I have real issues with being left. Because of Morgan dying. I know she would have stayed if she could but we’re talking emotional states here. It comes off as weakness, as not being confident. Its not, but it is an issue I’m aware of.
Share this:
Quantum ghost
We are as a dream that walks through. the world
Phantom images side by side
Real enough to touch the world but not each other.
Pressing up against the glass
hoping for the slightest breach
Share this:
Damaged film
You ever see a bright white spot
surrounded by a color shift like blue
reminding you of damaged film
but you see it in your life
and for the briefest of instants wonder
“Is my life real?”
Share this:
Distance into distance
You’re a thousand miles from me
staring into the distance
and still my heart races
trying to be nonchalant
to be charming
desiring only the sound of your voice
the touch of your hand
your smile like a flash
I’ll accept what you’ll give
but I want…I want it all
Share this:
in the smallest turning leaf
the slightest turn of light
the softest intake of breathe
the flame dancing
the twist of the wrist
the curve of the neck
the whisper
the words
the play of shadow across the floor
It is in the quiet heartbeat and
arpeggios of the violin
…….
It is in the pain of heartbreak and the dying breathe
Share this:
sex is a partnership
the wet strength of your tongue caresses
catch your eyes,
drink in your gaze as the pleasure rolls through
reach down and pull you up,
tasting your mouth that tastes of me.
straddle my mouth, tasting your beauty
Share this:
Joy and time
Why is the portrayal of the ideal life so bland? Go to college, get a career, find a spouse, get married, live in a house with the character of a showroom, be happy but not too happy, love but do so quietly, steady, have a child, foster that child’s realistic hopes, child repeats the cycle, in middle age go to Bali and find that life is good and find that life is worth the sacrifices.
It is so bland. If this is what you want then fine, do as you want. I would normally say do as you desire but can someone living this way have desires? The most exciting thing in their lives is that fantasy or that illicit affair. I suppose that’s judgemental.
Give me fire and passion. Love messy and sweet and out loud. Unabashed, unafraid. Find art in life, find beauty in the world. Live for your friends, enjoy the journey not the destination. Listen to music, make your own. Sing even if you are terrible at it. Find the people who resonate, dance and scream. Be present in the moment, feel the world around you. Break free from all confinement, make love, have sex, drink and eat. Have rules but make them your own, make them be based in the things most important to you. Will you change the world from unrepentant same to multicolor? A life affected. Be sad, be angry but move forward. The happy times flow faster, let the bad times go by too. And always, always seek. Be it love or beauty, your passion or your dreams. We have no choice but to travel forward into the future, but we can choose how we step.
Share this:
Past is future
What’s funny about the ‘My future choices’ post is this, it is about my future. Not the choices I have already made. Which are to like one person and love another. Those relationship states don’t go away, I’ll just be more cautious with them. I’ll step forward, but I don’t step away if you get my meaning. Just a passing thought.
Pelgris 