The soft breathe of the world abrades my skin
As I stand triumphant before the moon
Shadowed service
Shrieks and screams
Eyes watching from deep corners
Her eyes look up in solemn worship of her Sir
Author: Pelgris
Brutal introspection
I can never leave well enough alone. I always push, always want more than is there to be had. Some of that comes from a deep feeling that every person I truly care for is going to leave me. If they see the part of me they’ll hate, they’ll leave. Or instead, I choose to associate with people who don’t want me, or are taken in some way. Be it their own lives, their relational entanglements, or their mental state. And if, by some miracle, I find someone who likes me, I will push and push for more and more until they have no choice but to walk away or sacrifice their own sanity, which I’ll see and walk away to save them. I don’t know how to stop this. I think I’ve learned, each time and each time I fuck up. Now, the fuck ups are all a little different. But, they are variations on the theme. The happier I am, the more likely I am to self sabotage.
The other part comes from seeing myself as a monster. For the things I’ve done and the things I’m capable of. For who could love a monster, such as I. And if you could, why? Pity? Martyrdom? I won’t have love from either.
At the end of the day, I’m fucked up. And despite how much less fucked up I am now, as compared to when I started this journey, I still have a long road. A long road I fear I’ll never see the end of.
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Ode to sorrow
there, into darkness, I walk
kiss me, taste me
the moment stands still
just me, just you
alone
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Murmurs in a darkened room
uncertain, a flower faces the moon
glorious, perfection in the flaws
strive to give space
step to, be free
the breeze of the summer wind
welcomes her home
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The wheel turns
So I have a new Submissive. It’s online only at this point. She is an amazing person and new to being a sub. I’m pleased I get to be the one to play with and teach her. Ideally we would do this in person. But needs must. It’s the reason I Have been happy and as a corollary unable to write poetry. I’m working on that and need to be able to by April. Poetry month otherwise know as the Bataan death march of poetry. A poem a day, plus normal posts. It was hard as hell last year, lets see how it is this year. I may up it to 2 poems a day since I have been writing so prolifically. But my sub is amazing. I tried being vanilla for awhile. I was miserable. She is game for anything and I appreciate that. She is a beautiful creature and I’ll smack the shit out of anyone that says otherwise. My miss, you are mine. And that makes me happy.
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Gah!
We are not friends, we are coworkers. You, Do not get to ask me for favors. That I love you is of no moment. We are not in a relationship. I will not allow my emotional state to influence my behavior. Yes I will protect you from physical harm. I will also offer advice if asked. I do those things because I need to, not because I’m wrapped around your finger or somehow became a agreeable fellow. Your wording made me feel like you were playing on my emotions and I do not appreciate that. Don’t offer things you are not prepared to give.
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Writing poetry
I have not been writing much poetry lately. Basically because my poetry tends to come from a place of darkness and loss. And lately, I’ve been happy. I unboxed my memories of the night that My Morgan died and replayed through the events of that night. I came to the realization that I did everything I could. Took every measure possible. The weight I had been holding onto for 10+ years shifted to acceptance. This burden I had been placing, that I was the cause, that I was at fault fell away. There was a responsible party and it was not me. Then I met someone interesting, beautiful though I had never seen them. We’ll see where that leads, but like I always say, Only forward. This is good. These are good things. But it makes it hard to write my brooding poetry. I’ll need to find another way to operate.
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The fire builds
I’m trying to write and thoughts of you slip in. I try to keep writing, but now I’m only asking myself, what are you up to. I’m thinking about what we can do together, what you think, what you’ll say.
The thrum like a plucked string when you call me Sir. How everything falls away, casual conversation and my day. One word and I am laser focused, need and desire building inside like a runaway thermonuclear reaction. The pain of us being so far from each other. I need you.
I’m losing my mind, out of control with desire. Want to throw you down and take you. Animalistic need drives through me like a flood. All controlled by the walls of Sir. Touch you to awaken your fire, burn with me. My dear, my little miss, mine.
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Flush of spring
Heat seeps into my bones and imagine it to be the heat of your body
Your words send electric tingles down my spine and I imagine this as your touch
We are a thing of the mind, desiring the taste of each other’s body
I would hear your voice that I may know the deftness of your tongue.
At all times, in all places, in every imagining, I want you. I promise, you’ll be mine, be treasured and will never be bored.
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Oh, Michigan
Desire grows day by day
Smile and wanting to share
Scene and sex
Bits of prose and promises
A book, a movie, a rose
Pelgris 