Evolution by jerks

How can blindness be a choice? To disregard reality in favor of the half truth happy and defend that position. Never seeing others experiences, never seeing others. Living in that echo chamber. Fed scraps of food coated and spun into full meals. Mostly consisting of false nutritional content. Selective memory of the shining past. Like it was a wonder of enlightenment instead of the brutish truth.

We are flawed liars. Picking only those truth which most suit our narrative. Resisting any deviation from the TRUTH. As if truth did not slither and shift as new facts are gained. As if, from minute to minute, reality itself didn’t change.

People quote, “The only constant is change,” while forcing their eyes closed and covering their ears.
And when confronted with a different opinion, stamp their feet and throw a tantrum.

A world full of people unwilling to see. Unwilling to hear. Unless forced to. How do we survive our own willful ignorance? I’m not sure that we will.

Sight of the heart vs physical reality

Sometimes, I am startled by the person I am looking at. Not because they’ve done anything different. No. It’s because I am seeing the physical them. And for a few minutes, I am thrown. Seeing the pure physical aesthetic of someone. Because that is not what my mind is normally showing me.

Normally, I am seeing them as my heart sees them. And yes that is physically different from what just my eyes see. My mind makes a subconscious interpretive choice. It shows me them as it sees them. As years and emotional weight defines them.

It’s like being thrown from a moving car and finding yourself on a movie set. If you are completely in character, there is a moment of frission as your mind sees both realities.

If I say I love you…

It is not worship. It is not idealization.
I see every person in reality as a human first. Flawed, with a set of base states. I start from flawed and build my picture of you from there.

I see you. I see your strengths. I see your weaknesses. I see your pain. I see your past. I see your desires. I see your needs. I see your hopes. I see it all. I want it all.

It is not idealization. It is acceptance. It is not worship. It is love(loyalty, respect, honor, joy, hope, elevation, desire).

Wine or whiskey 

If hope were wine then I’d be drunk half the time, but despair is just as kind as wine but with whiskey instead. 

 Caught betwixt hope and despair, in desire, only for you. 

I drink deeply of water and watch my twin demons of hope and despair stagger about. But time is passing without touch or word, and while my mind sits above the fray and understands the why, my heart sits near, in ache and missing you. My heart it yearns, it needs, it desires. Always moving closer to you. My head wants the same but knows why that is not happening, yet.