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Half cast shadows shift in the broken light
Stop motion shades flit from open doorway to open doorway
Huge rusted hinges showing where vault doors once hung
Fear hangs like grease in the soft twilight air
The man shaped thing strides through his city
Draped in the cloth of forgotten night
Wet air bubbles and shifts like touching a hot skillet
The doors are open
The cane by his side bends and shifts
Once a staff, once a blade
But his city lays barren
Patches of green
turned brown and wilted
dot the hanging gardens
A testament to what was and what may be
In this forgotten city of memory
These cars stream past
Heading to somewhere
A story I’ll never know
Lives like bowing wheat
Stretched to distant sun
Each song reaches forth
In minor chord
Music half heard on the wind
I dreamed I was living in the City. This time it was a combination of New York and Seattle. I was on an extended vacation. I had been spending more and more time there. I was there with my friend KJ and with Jessica, who was in my last dream. KJ and Jessica were living there. I was there for 3 weeks. I was crashing with Jessica because there’s no way I afford a hotel for that long. We would talk and hang out. We were at a open floor bar having mojitos, my favorite vacation drink. I confessed my intention to move to the City. Jessica told me about a job interview where the position was with a small company. The boss was the interviewer and he was a oversharer. He was demonstrating his singing for some reason and she laughed with incredulity. He got red faced angry and kicked her out.
She said it was expensive to live there. We drank our drinks and walked out. I glanced away for a second and they were both gone. KJ, I expected him to wander off. But when she disappeared it like I became lost in the city minutes before I had felt at home enough that I wanted to stay. Then my calf siezed in a Charlie horse and I woke up.
I had a dream last night. I was living in London but not real London. It was the dreamscape I refer to as the City. It’s based on a amalgam of cities I’ve spent time in. DC, New York, Seattle and Phoenix. But the whole time we were calling it London and making comments about Britain. There was a subplot of looking for/running from something. That is general anxiety. But the over notes were me as observor of these friends of mine living their lives and having fun. I’m on the periphery. Offering advice and comments, jokes. And we all occasionally have sex. Singly or in groups. It’s all very companionable. It’s like these are the people. That goes on for half the dream. I then notice someone who I know in my actual life is on the periphery as well. And this is odd because it’s not any of my current people I’m courting. We aren’t dating, aren’t seeing each other, it’s something more than friendship, and I am looking to have it be more, what else do I call it but courting? Anyway, it’s this woman Jessica whom I have always been attracted to and who has always been interesting. It’s odd because I haven’t seen or even interacted with her in years. We all as a group go to the Bookstore. Which in my mind is a good place filled with great memories and also books, so Sqee. She’s on my left side and we are looking through the books and I invite her to an opera. I like opera, never actually been to one but my dream self doesn’t seem to have that problem. I ask and she says, wonder of wonders, yes. Now to put this in context we met years ago when she was seeing someone else. It was never the right time for us. If there even could have been an us. And here she is in my dream, we are planning a date together, which is my preference. I like collaboration not dictation. Her elbow is touching mine. A prolonged contact. Deliberate. We pick an opera and I wake up. Weird.
I was listening to A Love Supreme, part IV Psalm by John Coltrane when I left work tonight. Walking through the empty halls, seeing the lights from the cars and my city. Listening to the melancholy, the denouement, the end of this brilliant piece of music.
I see the pairing of this energetic Jazz and the city as character. Made much more evident as I emerged into the night. On the roof of the parking garage, the panoply of lights and the city stretched out like, the Jazz bounding in my ears and heart. I feel a connection to the people of my city. I realize that I love them.
I don’t like most of them, I don’t know them. But at this moment, I am connected to them all, I feel boundless love for them. And as the last strains play, I want for only two things. One more play through of this sweeping music and you.
Whoever and wherever you are. I hope this finds its way to you.