Month: October 2016

On writing: Personal?

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I read the blogs of many writers and poets. Some are such better poets and writers than I that I sometimes despair. But let’s set that aside for now.

I see that many will tag a post as personal. Something that makes sense in the abstract but something I don’t, viscerally, understand. Everything I write is personal.

From the poem that asks you to “tell me” to the Erotic Lifestyle journey of Pel and Sara, to even my audio storytelling. I suppose the closest to distance I get is in Split Sky and Torn Asunder. But even there, there are characters and situations that I draw intimately from my experience. Hard as that may be to reconcile.

Maybe that’s just me. Taking the cliche of opening up a vein and pouring it out onto the page too seriously. Or maybe it’s just the way I write characters.

Which is by constructing them from their pasts so that I know who they are and what they want, then follow the steps that they would take given those traits and imperatives. Perhaps it’s inevitable that they would be so intimately connected to me that I can’t help but be personal.

Tell me

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a truth
something painful or happy
A notion or a story
a dream or a hope
Of depression and manic
Tell me it all, leave nothing out

Your every scar or rainbow on your soul
Just don’t leave me alone in silence
Or speak lies for want of bright words

Quote of The Day: Day 3

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Alicyana  Challenged me to The Quote of the day challenge, where in a quote is selected each day for 3 days.

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

~ Khalil Gibran.

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Nominate:

This is where I nominate 3 Bloggers.  Here instead I believe I will open it up to any Blogger that wishes to do this.  You have been prompted.  Sometimes that’s all it takes.

Shall I

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Sing to you of dreams and lies
Told to the self
to make it all bearable

Or shift focus to the fragile truth
Spun sand
Held in stasis
Waiting for the softest puff of air

An edifice of fantasy and glass
Shattered foundation
Drifting towards the threshing
Of can’t have and dare not

Words cast out
Beyond caution
Always a step beyond sense
Daring you to
Match me step for step

Passion writ large beyond sanity
Beyond the wary shroud
Of past mistakes

Rushing towards you
With a sharp shout and
A whispered word
….
“Always.”

Quote of the Day: Day 2

Pelgris1 Comment

Alicyana  Challenged me to The Quote of the day challenge, where in a quote is selected each day for 3 days.

“Anyone can love a thing because. That’s as easy as putting a penny in your pocket.
But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect.”

― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man’s Fear

 

Nominate:

This is where I nominate 3 Bloggers.  Here instead I believe I will open it up to any Blogger that wishes to do this. Be sure to mention that I prompted you. You have been prompted.   Sometimes that’s all it takes.

Question

Pelgris1 Comment

I feel I need to ask this question. Anybody can answer and I hope that you do.

How is treating someone with care and compassion, “too sweet”? Specifically the phrase was, “you are too sweet to me”.

I don’t get it. I wasn’t doing anything I would not do for any friend. Maybe I was being a bit romantic about it but not overly so.

Maybe some context?
She had a migraine. She is/was dealing with stress from another serious issue.
She has said she feels safe in my arms.

So, unable to really do anything other than be there for her, I said, “all I can think to do is hold you and let you know that you are safe in my arms.” This isn’t anything extraordinary. That’s just me being, well, me.

So why is that “too sweet to me”?

Quote of the Day Challenge: Day 1

PelgrisLeave a comment

Alicyana  Challenged me to The Quote of the day challenge, where in a quote is selected each day for 3 days.

You can do Up to 3 per day but I’m going with 1 each day.  I’m not much of one for quotes that I have memorized beyond a bare handful.

Quote 1:

Suffering breeds strength from weakness, it heralds new birth, it guides all beings through life.
The dead soar to oblivion on black wings of anguish, and even pleasure springs from the same well of agony. To shun pain is to lie still-born forever
—Troy Denning

Nominate:

This is where I nominate 3 Bloggers.  Here instead I believe I will open it up to any Blogger that wishes to do this.  You have been prompted.  Sometimes that’s all it takes.

 

Introspection: Romantic choices edition

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Why do I pick people who are unavailable to fall for? Am I just that blind? Or… Or am I subconsciously picking people who won’t want me or if they do want me, can’t have me because of distance or their present relationship entanglements? If so, what am I afraid of? Rejection maybe? But I get told no all the time. I don’t think that’s it. Or not the larger portion anyway.

I think, on the one hand, I want a passionate emotional relationship but in person I may come off as cold. Controlled. And I am pretty jaded and world weary. So not alot surprises me. Also I find passionate people to be idealistic. I have ideals but I’m ruthless in they’re application and that ruthlessness is at odds with the more nice approach to problems. I think that there are solutions but I see them as generational shifts not something that can, lastingly, be done in the short term.

And I’m sexually adventurous and would like a partner that is open to that. Most of those in my age area are married or with someone. And while I don’t mind being in a consensual polyamoury situation, I have to really like the person to even consider it. And I generally prefer to be the pivot.

And I am also afraid. And I think this is the heart of the matter. I’m afraid I will commit my heart and spirit, time and mind to someone and they will leave me. It seems people are always leaving. They probably have good reasons, for them, but to me it just feel like the place they most want to be is away from me. That is just devastating.

And the more it happens the poorer my judgment gets. All feeding back into poor choices.

Sight of the heart vs physical reality

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Sometimes, I am startled by the person I am looking at. Not because they’ve done anything different. No. It’s because I am seeing the physical them. And for a few minutes, I am thrown. Seeing the pure physical aesthetic of someone. Because that is not what my mind is normally showing me.

Normally, I am seeing them as my heart sees them. And yes that is physically different from what just my eyes see. My mind makes a subconscious interpretive choice. It shows me them as it sees them. As years and emotional weight defines them.

It’s like being thrown from a moving car and finding yourself on a movie set. If you are completely in character, there is a moment of frission as your mind sees both realities.