Sex, commitment, and Love

I would never cheat on a committed partner. Such would be a betrayal and I do not betray. It is the primary rule from which all others of my rules spring.

If the relationship were committed but open, then I might consider having sex outside the relationship but I am more likely to introduce this person to my partner to keep everything out in the open. Now, that being said, I am still unlikely to have sex outside the relationship framework. Because sex, on its own, is empty. While the physical aspects are enjoyable, what I enjoy most is the enjoyment of my partner.

And while I am adept at the physical aspect and in the moment it is fun, I find it lacks staying power. If there is a emotional component, then the physical becomes a way of expressing that emotional joy with my partner. And that makes me feel beyond the moment.

I’m not saying I won’t feel lust for someone else, I merely note that I am not going to act on that lust. Though I will say that monogamish or poly relationships interest me. But, whether open, poly, or monogamish the true requirements are emotional stability, emotional maturity, constant communication, and honesty. Without those components on all parts it will fail at some point. But such could be said of any relationship.

I suppose my point is this. I am not something the majority have encountered before. I am strange and odd. I am honorable within the framework of my rules and I do wish you would stop lumping me in with the boys, predators, and fools you knew before me. I am not them. I ask, explicitly, for one thing. Don’t hide your heart from me. Don’t try to not love me. It is a betrayal of love and one of the things I cannot forgive. If you don’t love me, that’s fine. Just don’t try to murder love as it attempts to take root.

Seven words to make you fall in love

This dream, I refuse to wake from

I have enough books for a library

Love is a story the heart learns

Read to me, I’ll sing to you

I will always be honest with you

Your mind is what I fell for

I will do that thing you like

You are more than enough without me

Thoughts on Online dating

Online dating feels cold to me.  I get that it is often a game.  the end goal being to meet someone you connect with.  But the people I really connect with?  They are often not the people I would intellectually choose. And that is what online dating feels like to me.  An intellectual game,  But while I am intelligent and while it is a game I can play, it feels false.  But on the other hand, I don’t do well in the bar scene, and I don’t form instant connections. Even the person I am interested in now, I didn’t see her, really see her until 3 weeks had past.

Sunday night dream

I dreamed I was a warrior. A spec ops type. Retired and taking care of security for a vast mansion filled with antiquities. The mansion was inherited. It was mine. I was cataloging it’s contents and came across a piece that a old friend, a lover, would like to see.

It gave credence to a piece of her family’s history. It was about a man who once led a group of villages, a fighting force of ten thousand, unprecedented in the time during the rise of Carthage. He was returning from a battle to the east when he learned that Carthage had sent the majority of its forces to his home village. If they raced they may reach home and save it. But there are other cities/villages he is responsible for.

If they move now, they could occupy Carthage, then turn their sights home and remove a threat forever while expanding their might and becoming a full fledged nation state. This man chose to save the village gaining him the eternal love of his people and losing the war. In the aftermath, they save the village but between them and their aggressors is a series of ambushes and pickets.

Had they chosen to hit Carthage, they would have done so from a area not well defended because they were already out of pocket. It was designed to remove him and the force he could muster. And once Carthage had fallen they would have been able to roll up the ambushes from a direction they weren’t expecting. A defeat in detail.

Instead of that he lost three quarters of his men after saving his town. And by the time he stood outside Carthage, years later he no longer had enough men to take the city. Because Carthage won, they tell the tale of a petty king and tyrant who forced this conflict. But these artifacts and papers prove that he was a good man and simultaneously remembered as the worst general of his age and the best. He held that force together for years, and though they were ill from dysentery and flux they still followed him.

A single choice and the history of the world would have been very different. This man is supposed to be her ancestor. Her family has done well down the years and she inherited the title of Duchess. She is French. In this world the French Revolution was peaceful guided by her family.

I want to rekindle the affair, I still love her. We sit in an atrium filled with light from skylights and the sound of birds outside. We are drinking a light wine and lounging on soft leather couches across from each other. We are making small talk and it comes up that she is married. I ask was she married two years ago when we were having the affair. She says no, the marriage was recent and already she grows bored with it. The person doesn’t share her passion for history, for music, opera, and life. But it was a appropriate suitor as defined by her family.

I sense that she will divorce him. What she just described are my passions. I won’t interfere in the marriage, but I will be here for her when she chooses to make the same choice of her ancestor. Love over logic. I will research her husband and render any move he can make against her a shiny tempting poisoned apple.

I bid her farewell with the scans of the pieces and copies and translation. Kiss her on the cheek and tell her, she still has my heart, and she should come to me when she has cleaned out her house. Dream ends watching her drive away.

A common prayer for the dying

A common prayer for the dying-translated
(typically spoken on a battlefield or medical tent/area though sometimes an individual will be singled out)

All warriors are welcome (warrior is defined as those with the will to fight, whether the means be physical or mental is irrelevant)
All who sacrifice (to safeguard others, not said but understood) are welcome
All will workers are welcome

In the final moments, as the life fades, choose. Stand with us. Stand Between.

The science of a thing does not make it less

I languish waiting for the sound of your voice
For the words to travel down your spine Down lightning roads
Summon forth tamed gale moving across and through vibrating pillars shaped articulate by agile tongue past lips moving in morphic form.
To vibrate on the air and strike swiftly to my ears, into the auditory canal, shivering small hairs and reverberating eardrum, spur nerve to send signal to my brain where it interprets and hears your angelic, throaty, drinkable voice. Sends impulse down to muscled heart to beat faster and loosen the tightness gathered there in anticipation.  Limbs act to counter the inevitable pull of gravity, torsion on joints and impelled forward to the embrace.

I want… (part 2)

You.
To top you.
To take you.
To cum in your mouth.
To feel your heat wrapped wet and hot around my throbbing cock.
My mouth on your clit.
Your orgasm.
Your tongue.
To explore every inch of your body.
To fulfill your every desire.
To touch the small of your back and summon the shivers of remembered pleasure.

You, again and again.
To introduce you to the pleasures of the flesh. From first steps to masterwork.
Your words.
Your past.
Your worries and your dreams.
You for as long as you will have me.
To be your companion, your champion, your master.
All that you are.
You, spent and content, lying in the safety of my arms.

Thoughts on love and my self.

I write poetry and stories here about love. Pretty much always. There are people who I’m romantically interested in who read my work. I wonder what they think of it. I also believe that people, not necessarily them, but I see a bit of overlap. People would think that I am fragile. Or maybe they think that because I love them, they are protecting me. I don’t require protection. I know my heart. I know my emotions. I can sit down and work through the why’s and the causes. I have coping skills. I’m a coping skill warrior monk.

Maybe they try to safeguard their heart. If so, tell me that. If I know that, and I love you, then I will make every effort to keep you from pain by my action.

Here is one of my many rules, for someone I love: I will endeavor, to the best of my ability, to safeguard your heart. Whether through my action, or by allowing harm to come by my inaction. If I fail, and it is possible, tell me. I will address the situation. Honor demands it.

How do you know if I love you? Ask. Ask me directly, not as a coworker or boss, as a person. Ask. My rules, which you probably will have heard about, obligate me. I must speak truth. So ask, “Do you love me?”.

Rhymed devolution

The actions I regret
Never remember, never forget
Drown my sympathetic heart
Hear it’s beat, hear it start

Lace my blood with poison
Sing me of your fears
Drink our sorrow, sleeping
Last dance amidst the tears

Your voice puts me on tilt
A smile that’s fit to quit
Advance the notion and wait
Drenched dream in the hands of guilt

Simple word to tongues’ phrases
Party with and then depart
But come back to waiting arms
Wait forever, want aloud

To take, to dream, to learn, to see
And bound, and bound, and bound
Break, snap, twice cooked sand
Drink me, eat me, love me.