sex

Lust fades to memories

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I would give voice to other than lust but find, in these haunting seconds twixt witching moon and the long dark, find my heart empty. Or not empty, but rather ravaged by flames that course through, burning out all thought but you. You, spread inviting on my crimson bed. You, legs pressed around me, back against the wall. You, pale ass tantalizing and taunting. You, riding, your eyes black with desire. My face buried in you, your hands in my hair. Your moans, your shudders. Your pleasure bound at the end of my tongue.

But you are far away from me, We are long lost to each other and I am alone. Sitting in the pale light of approaching dawn.

My Morgan. My Morrigan.

Needs

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I would

Take you if I could
Taste you
Touch you
Slip myself inside you
Rub against your pleasure
Drink in your desire
Feel your flesh
Lick your sweet sweat
Nuzzle nipple
Set teeth until I mark you as mine
Push my tongue into your ass

I want nothing more than to while away the days and nights in your pleasure

To spend myself on the altar of your skin
Hear your voice tumbling through my bones

Gods, I need you
Your every desire given voice and made real by my will

Never enough

Some cliff notes to my brain

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I know what I want, say what I mean and try not to play games. But game playing seems to be expected, and if I like the person enough, I’ll play.  For a time.  But there comes a point where I am ready to stop playing and that’s the point where many of my relationships end.  Either because they only liked the game and not me or they think that me stopping the tilt-o-whirl is another game. 

I say that after the fact in some cases because often I’m not playing a game.  I’m going after you hard because I’m interested in you. And if you give what you think are signals, well that’s too bad.  If you want to be kissed, ask or kiss me.  Consent weighs so heavy in my mind that unless you say you want something I’m unlikely to make a move that isn’t slow or cautious. 

Past basic flirting, I’m not playing, I’m in earnest. But because consent is so important maybe it comes off as game playing? I am very up front about who I am, what I like, how important consent is.  Does my honesty play out as another game?

Last thing, my brain does not operate on the premise that sex is the goal.  I’ve…grown jaded with that.  Some see getting people to fuck you as power.  I prefer the more equitable exchange that BDSM provides. And sex as pleasure just leaves me feeling empty after, not during.  But there is so much more after than during. 

My brain operates on the premise that real emotional connection is the goal.  What I call love.  I say “I call”  because I have the sneaking suspicion that what I call/think of as love is different than how others view it.  For me, it is devotion and loyalty.  Affection and lust, for your mind as well as your physicality. Seeing your flaws and loving you despite.  Who you are, everything that makes you, you.  That’s how I love.  And, critically, I don’t demand that we be the totality of each other’s worlds.  I think, perhaps, the fierceness with which I love is confused with obsession or controlling.  It’s not.  I’m passionate, thats true.  I want a partnership, that’s also true.  In a open or poly relationship I want to be a primary, but that’s the extent of the possessiveness.  Maybe that throws people for a loop? I can’t know.

Fantasies

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*reading instructions*
Take a deep breath, on the exhale read a line, repeat

His kisses on my neck.
Swaying to sensuous sounds.
As she dances with me.
Kiss lips, hold right hand, clasped.
Turn and face him, lips eager.
Her head resting against my back as we sway and dance.
I reach under his shirt, running hands along him.
Take off his shirt button by button.
Her kisses along my spine.
Her hands slow, light over me.
Taking off clothes from each other but always touching.
Kisses and soft exploration of each other.
He plunges himself inside me, hands caressing.
Body draped over me, slow and full shudders.
kissing her, touching, slipping in.
holding close, sweat and touch.
Physicality enraptured, skin and pleasure, touch and desire.
coupling and uninhibited.
Sleeping in a pile, waking to her riding me.
his mouth on mine, the taste of his cum.
the velvet hardness of him in my mouth.
my seed spilling into her as his spills into me.

Coffee and eggs, and conversation.
Dinner plans. A life together.

Vanilla-*NSFW

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A dick, a pussy, an ass, a mouth
To me these are all vanilla
Been there done that
If that is all you want, there better be an emotive component because otherwise what’s the point
But if you want to be owned, trained
Then I don’t need the emotive crutch
The process, the new, the interplay is enough
Tell me your dirtiest, darkest desires
I’ll make them come true
You have other lovers?
That’s nice, I like to watch, participate
with them, with you
switch me round, pain and pleasure
drink me, drown me
I’m good for 3 or more, then spent, fingers, toys and mouth
quiver and cum, I want your pleasure writ loud in animalistic sounds
whimper, tied up, ball gag, breathe play, the lash, the flog, the paddle
flechettes if you go to the edge
don’t believe that my ongoing quest for emotional relationships preclude the physical
I’ve immersed myself, lost myself in rut
I like going down so much that I do daily tongue exercises to build endurance
I’m a fat guy, losing the weight but still I can see why you’d go for the skinny guy,
But 3 things (always at least 3), I am an accomplished and practiced lover, many consider me to be attractive despite the fat, and I get off on you getting off. and if you are into kink or BDSM, we have plenty to talk about or explore.
I just need you to ask, to be interested.  Unless we are dating, I require a smack to the face to show consent, open palm and smile if you like rough, we’ll discuss how far you want to go
Come on, come out
I’m feeling too emotional right now and need to lose myself in skin and pleasure

A learning experience

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You’re looking for meaning at the end of a dick
That mummers show
That farce

The tongue would serve you better
Or naughty thoughts and words
Relax and be ready
First we explore pleasures, base and exhultant
Fingers on hand, on neck, trace lines of veins
Kiss pulse at wrist and throat
Mouth on nipple, then teeth
Hands tease and explore
My urgency is disregarded
I wait and build
Your smell, lick sweat
Relax, and moan
Your skin, your heat, your beating heart
Look eyes and feel my adoration made tangible worship at the altar of your flesh
You are more world’s than can be explored
Pull you to the brink almost to the sweet flower, languid smell and damp
This is all you get, right to the edge,

I’m afraid I need a stronger commitment than a one night stand to show you all the pleasures of a lifetime become jaded.

Sex, commitment, and Love

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I would never cheat on a committed partner. Such would be a betrayal and I do not betray. It is the primary rule from which all others of my rules spring.

If the relationship were committed but open, then I might consider having sex outside the relationship but I am more likely to introduce this person to my partner to keep everything out in the open. Now, that being said, I am still unlikely to have sex outside the relationship framework. Because sex, on its own, is empty. While the physical aspects are enjoyable, what I enjoy most is the enjoyment of my partner.

And while I am adept at the physical aspect and in the moment it is fun, I find it lacks staying power. If there is a emotional component, then the physical becomes a way of expressing that emotional joy with my partner. And that makes me feel beyond the moment.

I’m not saying I won’t feel lust for someone else, I merely note that I am not going to act on that lust. Though I will say that monogamish or poly relationships interest me. But, whether open, poly, or monogamish the true requirements are emotional stability, emotional maturity, constant communication, and honesty. Without those components on all parts it will fail at some point. But such could be said of any relationship.

I suppose my point is this. I am not something the majority have encountered before. I am strange and odd. I am honorable within the framework of my rules and I do wish you would stop lumping me in with the boys, predators, and fools you knew before me. I am not them. I ask, explicitly, for one thing. Don’t hide your heart from me. Don’t try to not love me. It is a betrayal of love and one of the things I cannot forgive. If you don’t love me, that’s fine. Just don’t try to murder love as it attempts to take root.

I want…

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The soft gentle press of your lips
The touch of your hands
My hands through your hair
The gentle curve of your neck
The soft mound of your breast
The hairs on your arm shivering
the taste of you on my tongue
The smell of you lingering in my nostrils
Your moans
Your breathe catches
Your exhilaration
Your pleasure at my mercy
Your dirty mind
Your sweet dreams
Your desires fulfilled
Your hungers satisfied
Your screams of my name

You

Have we fallen so far

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A interested party asked me, almost timidly, if BDSM always involved sex. I had to think for a second, not because I did not have the answer, but because it calls to mind the bad information that is out there. Of course it doesn’t always involve sex.

I incorporate sex into play only when I am in a romantic relationship with the person or persons. If the relationship is as Master and Submissive, then no, I don’t incorporate those elements into the play. I think that there is a misconception at work here that play is all about sex.

Admittedly, I have been out of the lifestyle except for friends and the referral from friends for some time now as I struggled to get my problems in hand. But, I can’t imagine it has changed so much. Perhaps, the contamination of 50 shades of grey is to blame.

Or, it could be that the community is not providing adequate training and support or making said information available except in the context of sex. I’ll want to ask where they got the notion to determine where it comes from.

I can’t shake the feeling that it is because male “tops” will use any excuse to get their dick wet. If that is the case, then those people are sexual opportunists and not true masters or tops. It is something to be aware of.

Just because you are bound does not mean you give up consent. Sex is not implicit unless such as been made explicit. I know, I could be accused of being too safe. Believe me, there is no such thing. I won’t even touch a partner sensually unless it has been agreed to. I may want to, need to, burn to, but failure to obtain consent for ANY act, is abhorrent. It is betrayal, it is rape.

Timbers smoldering

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The only bridge worth building is the one worth burning

I had a recent conversation about whether I needed BDSM in a relationship. The answer is no, but…
No I don’t need it but I enjoy it.
Further Bdsm is in the mind.
If I make you orgasm again and again, never stopping, never giving you a chance to catch your breath, that may be considered good vanilla sex. But if in my mind I was laying claim to you and I stated I won’t stop until you stop me. Then that is a show of Dominance. A fairly mild show but still.
Vanilla sex is just that, vanilla, every time, each time. That doesn’t mean no orgasm, generally, but it does mean that the actions are intellectually boring. I happen to enjoy watching someone lose themselves to pleasure, but that only goes so far. You only need the toys for particular things, for the most part it is a understanding, a mindset.
But that is all just physical and I prefer to only engage in Scene behind the bedroom door. I don’t do slaves or pets. So you may submit to me in the bedroom but outside of it I expect you to be your own person. Further, I want emotional commitment more than I need the physical. I’m rambling. BDSM is fun, and engages me fully but I don’t need it. But vanilla sex forever is not appealing either. Further,I can’t see how it would be enough for anyone. Maybe people are just used to sex that is unsatisfactory.