poetry

Enough blood and pain to drown a nation

Pelgris3 Comments

Lost myself in a fantasy
Where all was equality
Wake to a world without
Cast a whole worldview into doubt
Clay falling away from feet
Scales from eyes
It’s time to rise
And take control of the dream

One day soon
For the future
Not some mythic illusion
Of pasts false reflection
Greatness based on perception
Hard to see who you’re stepping on
When your head is looking for a horizon

This reasonable revolution
Accountability of public perception
Crying for the promises of privilege
Exposing the corruption
Seeing the body America
Turn over and smell the rot
Maggots feasting on long dead flesh

Cut away our delusions
Remember ideals and not the realities of them
Bigots, Monsters, and Liars
For one moment gave in to idealism
Slice up the foundation
Look to the building

A future for looking
An all seeing eye that was once willfully blind
Raise up arms and voices
No more standing by
Standing silent

(A call to arms of the seemingly unaffected
False safety because you’re protected
Take up arms or be ejected
Useless casings without the powder to burn

If you aren’t angry
You’re still sleeping
Time to wake up before you find
Your Bolivian smile

We hear privilege and say we haven’t been handed anything
Anything but safety
Anything but the benefit of the doubt
Anything but the automatic acceptance of competence

It’s easy to be
When you live in a echo chamber
Reflections of the predator
Decrying the unfairness of being treated like prey) 

Cross bent lovers

Pelgris8 Comments

Love is not a thing I know how to make
It flows from me, encases like a cocoon
Hardened shell waiting for going slow
To become now
Until burst forth as chrysalis shatters
Though, truth be told, not much visible change had occurred
Rather rewrite the inside of my brain
No longer drowning in depression
Brain still sad
Eyes still crying at times
But not looking for a way out in the explosion of brain and teeth
Not looking to jump into the sharks mouth for one last thrill before the bite
Reworked change but of the heart and mind

And what may seem at odds
every body responds to different triggers
It’s easy to wallow in the flowers of touch bloomed ecstasy
But more, to discover each nerve, each pressure
To make of us a discovery
Revealing beauty
Exposing us bare

Break the world

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Love is an emergence
Not a fall
A discovery of heart and connection
A wiping away of the scales
The pretense of separation to see the whole
Love is a tapestry woven complete
Without interruption
Not touching all souls but touching many
The faint echos and plucked chord melodies
Love emerges from silence
From noise
Demands to be known
And though pain may follow close on its heals
The truth is
All revelation has a price
And just as a cost is paid
May a lesson be learned

Falls the leaf

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An old man
Drinking unquaffed dreams
Razor bled
Stitched thread
Puzzling pieces
Tongue tied and delirious
Hearts broken so easily
Last memories trickle
Smoke from tired lungs
Burdens too easy to carry
Easier to stay buried
Modeling desires off of wanton dreams
Hoping tomorrow will bring
Awakening
Some paths forward
Die before you can take a step
Others just this steady heartbeat
Tying to a dream
Say never forget
Until I’m forgotten
Everything you wanted
Excepting the want of wanting
Simple paths smile
As the vines die

Rhapsody in minor

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One note rings out crystal and clear
Whole histories and promises in it
Tumult and peace
Beauty and destructive renewal

All shattered by a rush to explain
What was said and what was meant
Attempts to see clear
Self deprecations
Attempting to make light of heavy feelings
Saying like when love is meant
But people don’t know what love is but they know they like the taste
Easier to compare to like and hold out heart for love
And this rush of explanations and words, words, words
Crash
avalanche
Stop

And the note
Fading in the still dawn air
Sings it’s melancholy

A Sir desires

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The touch of your skin is a translation of affection expressed through the medium of nerve endings
Endeavoring to awaken in you a fire which cannot be quenched
To know with a glance
Sure hands over soft skin
Eager lips made slow
Pressing lips like vise over artery
Tasting jumping pulse
Struggling to gasp breathe to synapse
Breathe deeply in ragged flame
Gifts given
Ignite fires
Kindled deep in bones
Leather and pulse pain
Bruises marking mine
Say ready
Say more
Say yes
I would have you in all the ways of imagining
Of experience and of desire
Not once, not twice
Until yield and sleep
But waking
Join in grip of heart
Allow me to wake your fire
Consume me as I consume you
Taking nothing for granted
Allow passion to rewrite your stars

Tapped out juggernaut

Pelgris11 Comments

wish I could turn off my brain
turn it off and just be happy
turn it off and just remember
turn it off and just be

instead I dull it
break it
sleep away my time
passing away
as if time wasn’t all that I owned
and these thoughts that just won’t shut off

wish I didn’t read a thousand interpretations in a silence
in a smile
in a phrase

learned paranoia becomes just paranoid
taught myself to see all the angles
now I see right angles in circles
and I just want it to stop

and when I’m better
and when your there
I feel like I’m normal
like I got it mostly handled
and who are those people who feel like this
every day

who don’t see a cliff and for just a quarter of a second think about jumping
who don’t lose relationships because they second guess themselves until their person wonders why they aren’t second guessing too
who don’t work themselves into such stress that they lose sleep

who don’t find themselves awake at four am, yearning

But that’s not gonna be me
I’m the broken brain and broken heart
But not about you
just some weeks are harder than others
and I don’t know how to say it’ll be ok while I’m being not ok and just want to be held
but that can’t happen cause I’m supposed to be the strong one
the dominant
can’t show weakness though I’m riddled with holes
holes papered over but still bleeding
Never fully healed
but sometimes fully functioning

hard to know when to start talking
and never have I known when to stop

Forced backwards

Pelgris3 Comments

uncertain fuels the breakdown
butchered goals at the whims of others
chances risked pay out gold
that fades with the dawn
pulled back
skin no longer inured
heart no longer fatalistic
no longer adapted to the caustic environment
Instead
burn
as if the time never was
lost in the false storms
at the mercy
of the merciless

three by three

Pelgris2 Comments

where words go quiet beneath the dying sky
bound by tears and memories that lie
one dove to the heavens
one to the hells
no amount of searching can find
what was lost
lilt tongue
speak clash amidst bleak tomorrow
shades caul
Last time to borrow
Not worth the paper
inks run dry
taking paths furrowed deep
etched lines
dull ache gives way to blurred visions
not enough for anyone
to love

Wakes the beast

Pelgris2 Comments

Sounding like someone crazed
Who wants every inch and moment with you
Love running perpendicular to madness
Causal lines stretching back and forth
Feeling insane with need of you
Your touch and smile soothing the waking beast within
Never further from the surface
In his den
He waits
Impatiently clawing the walls
Yowling battle cries to your pains
Purring out possession
Pin you down
Harsh growl
“Mine”