Valentine’s day 19

The problem with planning a day like this is there are always surprises. I completely missed that Tara was not ready to marry us. I didn’t anticipate that she would need comfort for saying no. And I didn’t anticipate having a scene in the car on the drive home. I’m completely exhausted. I don’t think I have another scene in me. At least not for a few hours. But how do I stall is the question.

The ladies are using the bathroom before we start again while I wait. I’ve dragged a stool to the center of the room and sit here pondering the next step. It’s not about sex. Though, for us, that’s a part of it. Maybe I need to bring us back to focus.

I walk into the bedroom. The sounds of our shower drift through the open door. A clear invitation but not what I think is needful, though it makes me smile. My girls are always very happy and considerate. Except when they are angry or sad or upset. They are by no means dolls.

But it’s my job to get them to here, where the world can’t touch us. And they make it so that my anxiety doesn’t spill out and sink me into depression. Because, I can’t think about my darkness when they are in need and by the time they are taken care of and I get a ‘Yes, Sir’ confirmation, all that inner turmoil has gone. Replaced by the deep glow of Dominance float.

For me that means a deep well of calm and light settled below the absolute certainty of control and love. It’s the best feeling in the world. I highly recommend it.

I am browsing through the closet for an outfit for my girls. Something matching perhaps? Or no, something suited to the next task. And despite my current inability to perform, I find myself excited to run my hands across the sweet flesh of Sara and Tara, after all I’m not a robot.

The black silk dress pants and cream blouse for Sara. No panties. I want her to feel the brush of silk over sensitive places.
For Tara, a walking harness made of white soft lace and the pink leash with the silver hearts.

I carry my selections out to the bedroom and lay each item out. Pants first, then blouse, then harness then leash. The anticipation builds in me. Pressure welling in my pelvis. A tightening that strums me like a violin string. Right! Music…

John Coltrane, “A Love Supreme” in its entirety. Perfect. The first strains spill out into the room calling like a siren. Luring my intrepid sailors to shore.

Sheet music

I will dream of you
when sleep pulls me under
and with every inhaled breathe
the thought of you pulls me forward into the unknown future
if I must
I will be as a dream stealing moments with you when your mind slumbers
as our hearts are drawn to each other
and live lives in that world we create for each other
but this dream
these words can not long contain us
we will burst forth.

You are the ember in my heart.
My home. My refuge.
If we be but dream, dreams fade.
we are as souls bound together
as rhythm and melody in a song the world itself sings
You are my song.
My Cha’trez.
And I will sing you forever.

Too many zooz


The first notes I heard, that hard blat then pause, then blat, percussion, then escalation  into the meat of the music but those few sparse sounds at the beginning stay and echo through your blood. They get into your bones and make you move. The structure is there, reminiscent of samba or cumbia, but elevated with an energy that says listen we’re saying something important. It moves like a living sound inhabiting your headspace. A living breathing organism. If I compared it to modern music, I’d say early Fishbone but with a better more visceral sound. It’s layered and complicated with enough simplicity to tie it together. It doesn’t dumb itself down and it appeals to millions. The performance is great, riveting. The music itself sounds like the very best of Coltrane. If they can maintain that raw authenticity they will be remembered forever.


Morrigan’s Lament

This is the raw audio of a song whose lyrics I wrote.  The cadence and phrasing are mine as well but influenced by my Bassist Jennifer, whose current Project is The Heartless Bartons . Obviously, she is not playing on this track because I recorded it at 3:30 in the morning and she is not around. The music and arraignment are hers so we share credit on all Darkness on Fire music to this point.  Darkness on Fire being the band’s name.   Just keep in mind that this isn’t a miked performance, so it’s perhaps not as forceful but it sounds good to me.  Let me know what you think in the comments section.




Thinking about Vegas

So, I play roleplaying games. Yes, I know that makes me super nerdy. So what. Go be more than 1 thing, theres still time. So Roleplaying games, Tabletop mainly. Think method acting not Gary Gygax if you get that reference.
A long time ago I ran a VtM(Vampire the Masquerade) game. Set in Vegas. It was a Chronicle I had run 1 time with a group over the course of a year and I liked it so much I started it with another group.  This time I incorporated music into the chronicle.  Specifically the primogens, The leaders of each faction, would have somewhere in the background these songs playing and they gave hints as to what each of these individuals represented and how they saw themselves. If players paid attention they could get vital clues.  This is the play list and the Leaders/characters

1. Me-Malkavian Prince of the City-Regret-Assemblage 23
2. He-CoPrimogen Malkavian-Watching Me fall The cure
/She-Co-Primogens of the Malkavian Faction-there is no if…-The cure
3. Abay-Gangrel physical Child-Ghoul-Bloodline Slayer
4. Aoibheann-Tremere Ghoul- I Put a spell on you-marilyn Manson
5. Aranhod-Gangrel Primogen-The wolf hunt-David Arkenstone
6. Cyrus-Brujah Primogen-I’m Serious-Clipse
7. The City Itself(Las vegas)- Sin City(KMFDM Remix)-Genitorturers
8. Maria-Toreador Ghoul-current lover of Toreador Primogen-Transylvanian Concubine-Rasputina
9. Martin-Toreador Ghoul-Jilted Lover of Toreador Primogen-Everywhere-Michelle Branch
10. Balthazar Caine-Nosferatu Primogen-Citizens’ Utilities-Northern lights
11. Jessica-Toreador Primogen-Sex -Berlin
12. Enjovi Nuwere-Ventrue Primogen-Hand that rocks the cradle-big stan
13. Ṣadr ad-Dīn Muḥammad Shīrāzī-Tremere Primogen-Miss Sheva-Dreams
14.  Michael Archelaus- Mage Representative – Ambassador to Me’s Court-LSG – Into Deep
15. Enkille Aziz-Sheriff-Assamite-Primogen of Minor clans-The Cruxshadows-Dragonfly   conjure one Remix