poetry

Timing

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I’ve been Bereft of words
Straddling fences like sitting on an elephant
Stretched thin by words
Skin taught and quivering
Near breaking

Words spill from me in other circumstance
But facing the page
Blank
Like a white room
Empty of anything but echos

What purpose words when
They are just verse on a page
Can’t be trusted for past transgressions
By people I’m not

Nothing to prove
I’m all out
But they say that too
And sit leering behind false faces
Monsters without honor

No way to prove I’m not them
So I wait
And talk
Knowing all the time
That trust has been broken by so many other people

I’m always too late
By hours
By months
By years

Too late

Pollen laden bees dot the ground

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Fell asleep tired and woke up to the buzz
You know it’s coming
It always was
Delicious delusion makes way for real
Sweet summer thoughts have no place in a winter heart
Honor like lead weights drowning
Unshed tears and accelerated heartbeat
Sadness of the lack
Standing tall
Bent like a reed inside
The minds a contortionist
Wrapping itself around its own needs and desire
Calling them real
Before they burst in cut glass shatter
Pieces embedded deep in open wounds
Made and remade
Lost in dreams of might have been

Sparkles on the slippery slope

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I’m starting to feel hopeful again.
Which means at some point I’ll stick my hand in the fire
Because that’s what I do
I leap before I know there is solid ground
Maybe that makes me brave
Maybe foolish
Probably both

But right now I have hope
No direction but hope
No horizon but hope
No safety but hope

Even though I know better
Even though I know how treacherous hope is
I feel myself light with it
I’m sure any day now
I’ll crash back to earth

What can I say?
I’m a fiend for cracking my chest open
And daring wonderful people to take a bite
A bit morbid
But hey, if you can match my darkness
We might have a chance

Pyrite Kintsugi

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Broken is beautiful
Watch me as I put glass to skin
Painting sunsets with my blood
Is this not beautiful
Jagged flower vases filled with roses
Supping on blood as snow melt
Broken is beautiful
Can you not see it in my screams?
Tears patter down and canvas
Raindrops spread watercolor
Watch me dance
Broken doll limbs flail
Shattered and remade
Gold fills the broken
But the vase remembers being whole
Warm without these false spots of cold
Am I not beautiful?

Pains recede as hope blooms

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Lilies unfold
Dark and cold in still earth
Barren ground
Yet they push up through surface
Crumbling hard packed dirt
Bursting to bloom
See me see me
Tears black with blood
Weep broken onto dying ground
Dying already
They are snipped
Taken
Starving they drink thinly
Mistaking it for life
They bloom anew
Played false
Beauty dies
Only blood
And tears
Remain

No refuge bought, no solace sold

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Sleep comes slowly
It’s raven wings tattered and smoke stained
Wounds ooze blood
It heralds a dreaming
A remembering
Heart racing
The sound of metal stairs
Pounding down

The floor above red spilled
Congealing as the winter heat saps away viscosity
Mistakes made
Lies heard
Believed

In that building
The unquiet dead
I’m sorry my friends
I should have taken better care of you

Weighted value judgment

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Sounds spill out
No words make sense
Jumbled sounds said with a smile
The laugh
The grin
Comrades in arms
Disappear at the end of the day
Long silences filled with memes
With fake people and their fake problems
Mirror reflecting stoic
While a heart aches
That basic human touch
Long departed
Unshed tears war with skipped heartbeats
Sitting in the restaurant that I can’t afford
Anything to stop from hearing
The ticking of the air conditioning
In these too silent spaces
Without you

Jumbled circumference

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It was always going to be this
This downward slope
Packed away
Put away
Show the rose
Thorns pricked bloody
Smell enticing
Too cloying
Choke on actions
Drown in sweet words
Cut off
Bound by a promise
Tongue cut out
Mumbling half heard
Pneumatic hammer
Driving out all thought
Echo
Echo
No safety in fear
No safety
Lake bubbles seathe
Heat vents below the surface

It was simpler then

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I called this clarity
I called it sanity
It’s a barren empty
A field of endless days

Longing for more
Am I longing to feel
….
Anything

Is this my addiction
To pain
To joy
Or is this what I felt

Without the hope
Of a tomorrow
And now I’m self aware enough
To realize it

Some days other people are an agony
Fidget to get free
But even that’s better than sitting alone
There’s no freedom

My choices have led me here
To this barren earth
This windswept empty
Bereft of everything
Even fear

What’s left when even fear is gone

Joy is a thing of blood and bone
My heart is full of dust and memories
What fool would want a piece of pain
Drink my tears and end with sand

On this shattered plain
Beneath this bowl of sky

Journey’s end

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Empty from caring
Stumbling forward so fast it feels like walking
Day by day
Distance grows from the cliff edge
No fear of falling
Jaw ache from clenching
No tongue holding
Stress fractures manifesting during sleep
Distraction and the closed doors
No windows
Just empty walls
Sitting
Waiting for secret truths
Paths forward bloom
Stark in the emptiness
Bursting with life
But still
Reaching out
Trembling hand
No touches
Last chances
Blown away on the desert wind