I hate keeping secrets. Even lies by omission hurt.
I spent a portion of my youth on secrets. On lies. It almost killed me. It came close. At the end, all I had was money, scars, and grey hair. The money is gone. The scars are mostly faded. The grey hair stayed. And a deep abiding pain that accompanies lies.
I spent years clawing out of various closets. Sexuality, society, BDSM. And at the end of it, I found peace.
But still people want me to hide. To be discreet. To say it’s no one’s business but ours.
But let me tell you. It may be no one’s business but ours, but it’s on them to turn their heads. Hiding is lying. Discretion is fine, but it should not stop a kiss or a hug or holding hands. If it does then that’s fear.
Just because I can hide or lie; Because I practiced for years, doesn’t mean I enjoy it. I loathe it.
I understand why hiding may be necessary. If life or liberty is on the line. But if not? It’s not worth the cost.
And sometimes, even life and liberty are not enough. We should be who we are. Shout it from the rooftops. And to those that would silence us, let them reap the consequences. Let them fear.
I said I didn’t like lying. I didn’t say I’d forgotten my past.
I love Bella Morte and to find one happy song is awesome. Yes. This is a happy song. For Bella Morte, anyway.
Though not a single song, this is what I’m listening to today: It’s pretty amazing as a mix
It’s a music podcast and really I cannot recommend The Belfry enough and the music is generally awesome. You can also get the podcasts through Google Play Music and iTunes.
In these days of falls awakening, I reaffirm my pledge to not date vanilla. It was miserable and confusing. Give me your artists, your goths, your philosophers. Give me the ones who want to be tied up, who want to be spanked, who want complicated pleasures. The mainstream is not for me.
1 open a every day of the week private goth club, make it the anchor of every goth and industrial bands tour, open 24 hours a day
2. Open a dungeon and a members only dungeon. Invite Dom’s and Sub’s in for demonstrations and classes.
3. Buy a radio station, staff it with the Cemetery Confessions people
4. Start a defense contractor business (thought it was gonna be all goth stuff, didn’t you)
5. Buy a few elections
This is all stuff I want, sure there are other things that I would do but they are boring and so standard they are not worth mentioning.
I am the darkness that follows the light
The Night that swallows the day
The profane whisper that drinks down sacred exhalation
I am the shadow that extends its hand
The crack of the whip that brings pleasure
The trailing fire that wakes the timid
I am the sound scritching against your window
The terror that burrows deep
The truth at the heart of your fears
I am the step that takes you deeper
The rushing wind that heralds the fall
The snap of wings, caught air before crash
I am the winter that murders the sun
The frost that quiets the fire
The fade that swallows the world
I am not the evil that you are.