Soft murmurs frission silence
Cold seeps deep
Brittle amber
Song rolls from frozen lips
Rise graceful lies
Dip
Twirl in dance
Words caught
on tongue made thick
touch
Cha’trez
The second hand rasps by, *shoosh, click. shoosh, click.* Time passing without your hands on my back, without the soft scrape of nails causing shudders. The hot wet of your tongue against my spine.
The minute hand clacks into place.
Shocking from the dream of you
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Adrift of snow
These shadow hours that pass on by
Hold unreal, uncertain
For want of words
Of lips
Of touch
This errant thought, an errant dream
Shifting in the firelight
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Thin distance
wonder if you’re gentle
Would kiss with tenderness to match fierceness
Are you as lonely as you seem
Take refuge in my arms
To wonder or is it wish?
At long days ending
To hear your heart against mine
And spring forth, joyous
From long embrace
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Cowardice?
I wish I had the courage to say to all those that I love, “I love you.” I wish I had the courage to say to all those who I think I could love, “I could love you, given time and half a chance.” I wish I could say, “There is something about you that is so compelling.” I wish I could share what I see. I would wish that I was not so fearful of the consequences. If I say those things, what would the fallout be? Would I be believed? And if I am believed, would I be dismissed, disregarded? Or worse, met with silence. As if I never were. This is what consumes me. And all the lust, all the fire of the physical. Is a mask worn to conceal these thoughts, these needs. But like all thoughts, when worn long enough, they have become a part of me. Inextricably linked to how I view love. It is not enough to love someone emotionally. I need to touch them. For some just a few fingers against their arm, or a hug. For others they consume me and I need to consume them. To feel comfortable, complete.
I love many people. Each uniquely, each for different reasons. But I love them. I wish I was free or fool enough to declare it.
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Every moment of every day
desire for you consumes,
a flame bitter and cold,
need raging across nerve endings,
need for your touch, your voice, your words,
crawl to me,
rest your head on my thigh,
taste your mouth,
teasing your body,
looking into your eyes, kindling flame,
in pleasures ragged and painful, hold you to me,
my hands and tongue exploring every inch,
knowing and needing,
your soft whimpers,
the feel of your body around mine,
tight with desire,
scream startling neighbors,
make you mine,
again and again until we dissolve in pools of sweat,
never stop making love to you, even when our bodies fail us,
whisper my desires, future plans,
taut with greed for you,
all that you are,
there is nothing of you I do not worship,
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Distant touch
faint stirring wind
skitters across skin
the cold soothing in the afternoon heat,
first gust then a storm unfolds
rushing to the east
running, flying to you,
this sending of wind that kissed me,
now caresses you,
across the distance,
in the soft hush,
feel my touch
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Truth wears a mask
Your words
caress my skin
And make me
…whole
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Fantasies
*reading instructions*
Take a deep breath, on the exhale read a line, repeat
His kisses on my neck.
Swaying to sensuous sounds.
As she dances with me.
Kiss lips, hold right hand, clasped.
Turn and face him, lips eager.
Her head resting against my back as we sway and dance.
I reach under his shirt, running hands along him.
Take off his shirt button by button.
Her kisses along my spine.
Her hands slow, light over me.
Taking off clothes from each other but always touching.
Kisses and soft exploration of each other.
He plunges himself inside me, hands caressing.
Body draped over me, slow and full shudders.
kissing her, touching, slipping in.
holding close, sweat and touch.
Physicality enraptured, skin and pleasure, touch and desire.
coupling and uninhibited.
Sleeping in a pile, waking to her riding me.
his mouth on mine, the taste of his cum.
the velvet hardness of him in my mouth.
my seed spilling into her as his spills into me.
Coffee and eggs, and conversation.
Dinner plans. A life together.
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You
I’d like to think that the person I dreamed about knows that this is about her. I’d like to think that, but I don’t believe it. Not until she says something, and I fear I’m in for a long wait. But she makes me smile. When I’m around her I’m not nervous or anxious, I’m just happy. Not knowing how she feels, or If she feels the same way, that makes me nervous. But right now, in this moment, this time where all life takes place, I’m happy, nervous, scared and happy. All I know, is she is worth waiting for, worth the uncertainty, worth it all. If you are reading this, then don’t worry. You are not responsible for my emotional states. That’s on me. If you are reading, then I hope I can bring out as much joy as you do in me. Anyway, on to the dream:
In my dream, I am sitting on a bed.
You are close to me. So close.
My hands hold your hands.
Our foreheads touch and we are looking into each other.
We are so close, I can feel the heat of your breathe. Our breathing mingles in the air. This frozen moment. Then we both lean in and our lips touch.
We aren’t kissing but we touch lip to lip and our breathe comes a bit faster. Your tongue licks across my bottom lip. I shudder.
I tilt my head to the left and kiss you. Slow pressure, lips capture your tongue. My tongue presses against yours. Tasting you, tasting me. Feeling your cheeks, your teeth. Exploring your mouth.
Just this. Your hands in mine. Your heat, the feel of you. The taste of you. You. Wanting more, needing more but waiting until you are ready. Delight in your touch. In our now. This for a shapeless eternity.
Pelgris 