The sun sets but day only reluctantly gives ground
Those I need are embraced by darkness before I am
So I hold to this light
Because I know it touched them as I am unable
But, do they read this, know that my desire seen is but the smoldering ash cone of a volcano hidden beneath the waves.
You want me but not me.
Me who’s better looking.
Me who’s more successful.
Rich me. Popular me. Fantasy me.
You want the poet but don’t want the pain. You want the torrent of desire but don’t want the flame.
You’ll warm yourself by my heartfire but won’t open your own.
I’m just a bandaid, a temporary distraction from your life.
And you tell yourself, he’ll be happy for the attention, that it’s all just a game.
But I’m falling in love, because my heart can’t learn this lesson, won’t do it, refuses to see.
Not all words are true, not the way you say them, that these words they speak without connecting to their heart.
And my heart only hears theirs beating and makes a castle of hope.
You’re so close but I can’t touch you
So near but I can’t have you
I miss you when you aren’t here
Miss you every minute
But you’ve said you can’t
So I sit
Stuck between my need
My want
And the choices that aren’t mine to make
Lips brush
eyes wide open
wet pressure building
tongues at war with each other
looking for grace in the abandon of desire
a caress of fingertips across bruised flesh
these impermanent reminders
marking you as mine
each pain a faint echo
pleasures remembered on the end of a lash
the sweet nectar of your voice
and the sweeter gift
of your submission
kiss the palm of your hand
To hold it to my beating heart
Trail kisses until our lips meet
Eyes holding
Shivering with choices we’ve yet to make
Claimed and laid claim
But all just a game
Built empty this hollow
I can’t myself, follow
Led by desire
For some I don’t tire
Romance not wanted
I tried and I hunted
But deception works deeper
My delusion, my deceiver
Indulging in pleasure
It’s what passes for treasure
From a palate grown mired
In broken desires
spin in madness
silk dancing on the wind
sweetened wine and drunken song
maddened revelry
music softening
slow circles
nose to nose
looking into eyes
intimacy amidst distraction
shortened pulses and wandering hands
lips in warmth and tasting
arms circled
in dances beginning
These little games we say
Bound up
In shadow play
Words caught in mind
Scenes played out
In glances
Scent the air
With raw desire
Hands seconds from each other
Haunt my dreams
Stoke fires higher
Until a glimpse
Spills out
on the page
Wet rush
Sound of leather on skin
The soft crack
A sound stifled
By a bitten lip
Red and ginger
Sitting is the reminder
A void of remember
Just our words on the screen
There is someone I’d like to be kissing right now. Holding right now. I want her to sit on my lap and snuggle up against me. To tell me about her day, while I massage her back. I want all the things I always want. The small intimacies and the large. I want misunderstandings and corrections. I want to stop describing what I want and hear and act on what you want.
I guess I’m just feeling lonely. But that doesn’t make my desire less true.
Playful is dangerous
without consequences
Consent looms over us
Words can be spoken
play is enough of a invitation
To say
You make me want to crowd you
Push you up against the wall
Pin your wrist against your struggles
Taste your mouth in fierce possession
Take all that your playfulness promises
Burn us both with passion
Which you said you don’t want
Yet you play and play
I am not made of stone
Eventually, something will give
Note: I’ll say something, be blunt. Consent is far too important to me. But she pushes and pushes. I can’t tell if she wants me to use force or if she is waiting to say “aha! Gotcha! You’re just like the rest. It’s tiring and it hurts.
Pelgris 