Am I in love with you or the idea of you? I am definitely in love with an idea, but I believe it to be the idea that I’m a better person, open to a wider world, when I’m with someone.
Thoughts
Sunset in words
I see the sunset, and the wisp clouds and the precise pink orange at the horizon, deepening as I elevate my gaze. And I know I can take a picture but I don’t want to show the cold impersonal way that a camera takes a picture. I want to paint how my heart lifts at the sight and impart the incongruity of the weight of this moment and the light whimsy of it as well. I want to share this real ephemeral moment with you. And beyond the scope of physical touch, I want to share the way I see everything in this world. Being that I am not a painter, I hope my words are enough.
My rules for my submissive
Rule 1
You will follow orders in the spirit of not the letter to which they are given. Asking for clarification one time is allowed.
Rule 2
You will greet me with a deep kiss, whenever you enter the room I am in.
Rule 3
I will pick out at least one article of clothing that you will wear that day. If you are not with me, you will call me and ask.
Rule 4
You will wear your seatbelt whenever you drive or ride in a vehicle. If I am driving, I will buckle you in. You will wait while I do this without speaking.
Rule 5
If a seat by my side is not available, then you will sit on my lap.
Other rules are individual to the relationship with my submissive. These 5 are my standard. I prefer to give orders rather than establish rules. Though over time, consistent orders can become rules.
Note: I am not with anyone right now.
A fantasy
I want to go to your work and sit under your desk. I want to run my hands up your legs, kneading them. Slide my hands to your thighs, denim jeans impeding, run my nails across the fabric with enough pressure that individual lines of force dance across the sensitive skin.
Reach up, still hidden, unzip the jeans. The sound loud and clear to anyone passing by. I push my fingers through the slit. The rough teeth against the back of my hand. I trace you and hear your breath catch. I grow hard. Unable to do anything but touch you. I slide my hands over your panties until they are soaked with you.
The scent of sex hangs heavy over your desk. People who pass by look at you, effort on your face to maintain. To not gasp and grunt. When you can’t take it anymore you make your way to the ladies room. Making sure that the coast is clear, I follow. Putting a out of order sign on the door I slip in. Water is running and you are splashing water on your face. Trying to come down. That won’t do.
I sit you on the high counter. I remove your shoes, then your pants. I run my hands across the goosebumps from the too cold air. I remove my shoes, then my pants and underwear. I stand erect, precum dripping from me, I put on a condom. Thin walled, to feel you.
You are right at waist height, I spread your legs, holding them apart at the knees. Pulling your panties to the side, I step in, guiding myself into the warm, wet center of you. You clamp your cunt over me. I thrust into you. I put your legs around my waist. Inviting you to clamp down. I thrust, pause, unbutton one button on your blouse. You undo your bra, freeing your tits to be squeezed and tweaked as we fuck in the center of your work. Only an out of order sign keeping us from discovery.
I can’t hold back and start thrusting faster, your tits bouncing, hard in the cold air. I cum, but you don’t. Not yet. I pull off the condom, dick semi hard and covered in cum. I order you to your knees, a compromise to what I need, “suck me clean”, I order. You kneel on my pants, looking up, you place your mouth over me. Licking me like a lollipop, sucking the last drop of cum, I watch you swallow.
Then back on the counter for your turn. I sink down on my knees, head between your thighs, tongue thrust into you, tasting where my cock had been. Licking and sucking. Nipping and setting teeth on, using my hands and tongue until you start to shudder. I slip another condom on, hard again from hearing your animalistic groans and yips.
Then quickly stand, hand still working, keeping you right at the edge. I thrust into you, left hand thumbing the upraised nub of your pleasure, right holding and squeezing your tit. I thrust into you, you spasm around me, orgasm rocking you, I keep thrusting frenzied, needing to cum, needing to feel the orgasm as you ride the high of yours.
A minute, an hour. Panting, sweating. Nothing but the warmth, the wet and you. When you cum the third time, pushing, grinding down on my hard but sensitive cock. I know I’m not going to cum again. I stop thrusting and kiss you. Your need, and kiss, hard. Sucking my tongue. I stroke into you, just wanting to savor this. To feel connected to you.
Stop
I found myself Internet Stalking an ex this morning. I have no idea why we broke up. We hadn’t been seeing each other that long. Then one morning I get a text like lightning from the sky that she’s breaking it off. Ok…, no reason. Says something to the effect that she still wants to talk about books with me and that she was sorry she hurt me? Except, she hadn’t done anything TO hurt me. I responded, in my typical fashion, that I wasn’t hurt but if I was then it wasn’t her responsibility. My emotions are my responsibility. I did want to talk about why we were breaking apart, and said as much but that was the last I heard from her. I think about her every once in a while. We were doing OK, not a house on fire. But there was potential there. It’s just puzzling to me.
To sleep…
I go to sleep now, eyes heavy. Unable to escape the draw of escape into another world. To all who I love, have loved or will love, I will look for you as I dreamwalk. Live with me a lifetime and if, on waking, you find it was not enough, perhaps you will contact me.
Dream
I dreamt that I met a beautiful woman, she was thin, slightly shorter than me, small, almost flat chest, elegant hands perfect for holding or kissing. She was smart and we talked about music. I kissed her and she was gentle at first, then more forceful. Her hair was soft and I ran my hands over her. Trailing the edge of fingernails over the lingerie, black lace she wore. So damn sexy. I moved to go down on her and found a surprise. A five inch cock. Thin and perfectly groomed. I looked up at her and could see the fear and trepidation in her eyes. Holding her eyes with mine I ran my tongue up the length of her surprise. I took her in my mouth, running my tongue against the softness, sucking and swirling. Replacing my mouth with my hand, I trailed kisses up her abdomen, paused to suck a tit, then kissed the small of her throat. I whispered to her, your beautiful. I remember having sex but not the rest of the specifics. I woke beside her, her ass snuggled down against me. I reach over an pinch a nipple. She turns to me and murmurs good morning and looking into her hazel eyes I am turned on. We have sex again. I ask her out to a real date. We go eat Italian. Then we are leaving the restaurant and as we exit, her in the crook of my arm, snuggled against me. I hear someone say something behind us, something like Faggots. Maybe they saw her lovely little Adam’s apple. A woman is who she is, a dick is what she has. Anyway, I’m enraged. I turn and ask, threateningly, did you say something? He swaggers over and says, I said Faggot. I say, Oh, I thought you said please stab me multiple times and leave me to bleed out in an alley. I pull a blade. He backs away, fear in his eyes. I turn back to my beautiful. She has fear in her eyes too. I put the blade away. I walk up to her and holding her hands, I say You are mine. I will protect you from every hurt as best I can. We walk off to the movie. That’s all I remember.
Stepping into Friday night
I know what I am, who I am.
I am certain of my place in the world and know what I am capable of. Despite that, I cannot find the people I look for or finding them, get them to stay. Do I ask too much? Are they the wrong people? Or am I so far from those who are looking for me as I look for them that we are all lost?
Post morning blues
Your skin is the most powerful sense organ you possess. Sensitive to pressure, cold, heat. Let me teach you all the pleasures of it. Let me lose myself in you. Sit on my lap, hold you near. All I’ve learned is at your service. If we could find each other…
Thoughts on The Art
Magic
Its real. I am keenly aware that this sounds insane. However, I have seen ghosts. Real spirits. I have dreamwalked and met people who I would later meet in the waking world. I have seen the branching future, and knowing a sequence would lead to ruin, a sequence I could not anticipate that existed outside normal patterns, averted that disaster by making a different choice. And as a test case making the same choice to disastrous results. I have spoken with elemental forces. Made friends with some, allies of others. The enemies I had already.
When I work a spell, I can feel the world shifting and when it is complete, feel it take hold. I can feel the world change. I know this sounds delusional, like madness. The problem is duplication, with science you input something and can test for a reaction. Magic is not science. Magic is art. In the same way that you can play notes in the same sequence that Charlie Parker did but lack the same quality of Charlie.
Magic is a system, just like musical notes are a system but no two mages will work in the exact same way as no two musicians will sound exactly the same. You can get close, same teachers, same styles, same outlook. But there is always differences and those differences make it hard to prove. I don’t feel the need to justify myself, but I am an adult and know to whom and when I can speak without being locked up by the largest secular religion, psychology. I say all of this to make this point, Magic is real. Do not dismiss what you cannot explain. But don’t slavishly follow it either. This world contains more than you can know.
