Times ticking down
Months fade to days
Wondering what’s next
Daring to hope
Waiting for the step
The fall
Paths branching out
I hope
Taking steps
Eyes open
Heart full
Shadows dance behind closed doors
Poems
Pounding heart shakes the leaf
Kiss me sleeping
Breathe dry
Heat and blinking
Insomnia and anxiety team up
Hope watching you sleep isn’t creepy
Too tired to close my eyes
Dreading the coming day
Freight train approaches
Standing on the tracks
No certainty but uncertainty
Looking towards that future
That horizon
Wondering what’s next
A fish out of water
In a new pond
I’ll flourish
But too much
Becomes toxic shock
And no one notices until you’re gone
Seeing what happens
When the air gets thin
Wondering
If a new lake will make things better
Wondering
And sitting here awake
Too tired for dreaming
Hoping to see
To real-ize a future
Where being stuck won’t pass for
Stability
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Shades dance concealing truth
I have looked into empty rooms searching for you
I wake up feeling you there
Just out of reach
My hand questing out
Finding emptiness
I have searched in other people’s bodies
In their lips, in their hearts
Looking for someone I hadn’t yet met
Wrapped and drowning in grief for a past that I could not let go
I wandered
Always knowing that with love a heart expands to encompass all
And each small light
Never quite right
Some almost but never realizing
How close
Until
eventually
Heart broken and mending
Waking
Finding
And seeing
Into the void of was
Poured secrets and hopes
Until unexpected
Unknown
Fires woke
No small flame fed on flash paper
Magma and storm
Heightening each other
And joined
Joined
Hearts entwined
And waking
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Blood runnel prophecy
No one mourns the spider
Trapped by its own prison
Each change a shiver
No rest
Waking for maybes
For might haves
The next and the next
Blurring into
Alien falseness
Waking from dreams
To find new responsibilities
Drowning bit by bit
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Broken hourglass spilling dust
Time slows
Rightasyouwantittospeedup
But
Slow is
Better
Slow let’s you experience it all
Let’s every minute flake away
Dropping
drifting
A touch lingers forever
A lifetime in a moment
Life accelerates on its own
No point in wishing the future
It comes whatever we desire
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A kiss tasting of blood
The minutes slip away
Each breathe one more sliding step
One more yawning dark
Until all prices are paid
Until hopes diminished flame
Snuffs out
And sorrow reclaims her place
As the only lover who stays
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One song blends into another
Can’t keep my mind straight
Reading pages and forgetting the words
First Glimmers of light
But fearing it’s a cave in
Not the dawn
Lost thoughts falling over the cliff
Heart hurting
Hearing the last strains of a song
Wondering if the next, we’ll play together
Or am I forever a solo project
Lost in the final phrases
In the stillness
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Even the sun hides it’s face
In the bleak expanse of morning
When the lengthening night grows strong and the light fades
When the dark retreats
When only dew and shadows remain
Find me there
Bleeding from wounds left untended
Mouth speaking lies
While eyes plead to see
Blood stains newly fallen snow
And always the words spoken
“I’m fine”
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Amber jewelry
Tree sap moves slowly
Perhaps I’ve stayed still too long
Immobilized
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Bone deep sorrows melt into flesh
I had this counter in my mind.
Number of days since last screaming cry
Turned over back to zero
Not really counting the days but my body is.
The tension floods out even as the pain wells
And finally, wrung out, blurry eyed
Fall into sleeps embrace
A day alone sleeping
No battery recharge
A resting hum
Fading into dream
Hopefully
At last
A life of love
If only in a dream
Temporary
As all things are
Pelgris 