Written and rewritten
Erased
Start over, start again
So tired in the post lunch depression
Kiss me
Feel your heat against my skin
Convince me I’m real
Month: May 2016
Todays Song
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Missing my miss
One of the things I miss about not being in a relationship is the lack of sexual banter. Since I’m a erotica writer there is generally some level of ongoing fantasy play via text or email(or maybe that’s just my personality). There are many different things I miss but a steamy message full of promise in the middle of the afternoon is in the top 5.
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Todays song
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My current song on repeat
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Trouble breathing
So tired and shameless
Unhappy and aimless
This poet is stuck on repeat
Each phrase, mindless
Needing to rhyme
For reasons not mine
Just looking for a bit of the sweet
But too bitter now
Having lost to be found
I’ve long lost the sound
… Of your breathing
These thoughts of mine
In rhythm in rhyme
Can’t stop thinking
It’s the endings that pull me forward
But to what?
to what do I have to look toward
When all I am is without you
Better the end than the begin
Because then
At least I know where I stand
… Without you
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A poet’s need
I have words to say
but I don’t know how to say them
I have lyrics to write but I don’t know how to play ’em
Its all jumbled up
in my heart and my head
Its all just mayhem
These poems I’ve read
Other people’s words twisted me round
From the path I have bled
The past feels real but the future uncertain
It all just wars, sinuous thoughts that fill me with dread
But sin, it’s a burden
Fallacious but salacious
When hero’s fall
And round back to beginning
Where words fail me.
As I have so often failed them.
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Growing up
Be like a plant not an animal. Don’t move on, outgrow the place that was painful. This takes time but allows for the retaining of the past as a foundation for the future. You can never leave something behind that haunts you. It begins to manifest in ways you cannot anticipate. So while running can be a good thing, to keep yourself from further trauma,do not assume that by doing so you somehow have left the self behind. You’ll still need to deal with the effects, don’t keep running. You can never run so fast that what was cannot catch up.
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Cowardice?
I wish I had the courage to say to all those that I love, “I love you.” I wish I had the courage to say to all those who I think I could love, “I could love you, given time and half a chance.” I wish I could say, “There is something about you that is so compelling.” I wish I could share what I see. I would wish that I was not so fearful of the consequences. If I say those things, what would the fallout be? Would I be believed? And if I am believed, would I be dismissed, disregarded? Or worse, met with silence. As if I never were. This is what consumes me. And all the lust, all the fire of the physical. Is a mask worn to conceal these thoughts, these needs. But like all thoughts, when worn long enough, they have become a part of me. Inextricably linked to how I view love. It is not enough to love someone emotionally. I need to touch them. For some just a few fingers against their arm, or a hug. For others they consume me and I need to consume them. To feel comfortable, complete.
I love many people. Each uniquely, each for different reasons. But I love them. I wish I was free or fool enough to declare it.
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Love with me
Love with abandon
With passion
With panic and pain
Love with obsession
With desire
With creativity
Love with totality
With inclusiveness
With precision
Love with lust
With sensuality
With finality
Love with soul
With tenderness
With attention
Love with hope
With positivity
With sunshine
Love with darkness
With secrets
With dreams
Pelgris 