The hats we wear

So, it’s February 14th. Valentine’s day. A made up holiday to start the year of commerce off. But I’m not here to talk about that. Because it’s origin, in this case is irrelevant.

What it is to a symbolist, like myself, is a focal point. A point where love, frustration, longing, and despair all coalesce into a palpable energy.

It is in the jacked up prices at restaurants. The desperate buy and sell of the roadside last minute gift seller. It is in the first kiss of a couple newly found. It is in the soft expression and the held hands. The hope of a little holiday sex and the crushing weight of public happiness in the dark despair of a lonely heart.

So much emotion and motion moving about this day. Easy to use a bit of it for a storm.

And to add a little bit to it.
I’m yours forever, my schmoopy. You are mine.
Life is complicated. But we’ll keep working on making it simpler. Together.

If we wake, let us wake together

I am thirst spent in moments spellbound
Hunger grows without regard
Desirous of your touch
But more your words

Come softly away
Embrace in person
Forever
Know words spilled out
For silver truth

Match action
Clasp hands
Know me for truth

You are mine forever
As I am yours
Let us join
and become heirs
to our own Joy

Let what was once buried
Break newly sprung
Come my dear goddess
Let us rejoice

Clasp hands and become whole

Honor vs self interest

The difference between honor and enlightened self interest is simply this: If placed in a scenario where you had to choose between your wellbeing and following your honor code, enlightened self interest says to act to preserve your wellbeing. Many people who consider themselves honorable, honest people merely have codes that almost strictly adhere to enlightened self interest. But there is always some thing they espouse that varies. Mainly to prove that they are not selfish, contradictorily. And when that point is reached, what decision they make is the one that defines them. Anyone can be good, can be honorable when it is easy, when their code is not tested, when they are not impacted. But to act against your self interest to adhere to a larger ideal, that is the definitive action that echoes forward.

Reiteration, repetition, and real

I am trying for the opportunity
The opportunity to stand by you. To work with you and help elevate you. The opportunity to hold you and keep the demons who would harm you at bay and the opportunity to scold your demons who lie and sow confusion. The opportunity to throw open and embrace all of the parts of you and show you the way back out of the darkness of those desires.
I want to give you the best and worst parts of me because I aim to give you truth and I can’t do that by hiding my faults. I want to watch your smile flower and never leave you. I want to show you how wrong those who’ve hurt you were. Even though I know you know that they were wrong I want to help you heal those deep parts that still don’t believe it. I want to walk in the sunlight without fear. Your hand in mine, eyes held high, daring the world to say something. I want you to meet my friends and see them roll their eyes at how cute we are together. I want you to meet my family and cringe as they say the stupid shit I know they’ll say. I want you to never have to guess what I’m feeling. I want you to never have to endure silence. I want to hear your voice every day. I want to hear you laugh all the time. I want all of the private things you think and want in your mind and heart to be the the words in my ear that gets you those things. Pain, orders, stability, sex. The sure and absolute place in my heart and world that never waivers. I aim to be yours. Forever. I’m working towards that. Things are weird, things are hard. There is confusion. But never waiver, never doubt that by your side, on your side, I will always be. Whatever happens.

Love flows past, In lights reflection

All the good fades away
As not silence grows
Words left unspoken
Weight by waiting
Changing the curvature of the world
A tongue
(the longer held)
Weeps for want of striking waves
Loss compounds loss as she slips away
Last chances kissed away
Soft filaments stitched gossamer
Hopes delight fades gray
Heart silent
In waking